10 Worst ‘As Seen On TV’ items ever
Everyone is familiar with the As Seen On TV products that have become cultural Americana at its finest, including the Snuggie, Shake Weight, and even Magic Mesh. But for each home run, there’s a horrible strikeout that should’ve never been created, let alone be advertised on the airwaves. We’ve seen some weird As Seen On TV products before, but you’re going to need a whole lot of OxiClean to purify your memories of these horrible inventions. Watch our video above or read on below, and subscribe to Looper on YouTube for endless entertainment!
Do you have trouble distinguishing whether your toilet seat is up or down? And do you also wish your nighttime trips to the toilet could be accompanied by a ghostly green or red glowing light? Consider this your lucky day, because Bowl Brite has a solution for both problems. Simply install the batteries and LEDs on your toilet lid and start enjoying a Christmas-themed evacuation of your bowels and bladder! Red means the seat’s up, green means it’s down, and if you actually spent money on this, it means you’re a lunatic.
From the maker of Dump Cakes now comes Dump Meals, because if there’s one word in the vast expanses of the English language that denotes a delicious delicacy, it’s the word ‘dump.’ Dump Meals sound so appetizing we don’t know why more restaurants don’t feature them. Well, maybe it’s a copyright issue. They might have to come up with a closely related knockoff like Splatter Platters or Painted Bowls. The possibilities are endless, really.
Any professional trainer worth listening to will tell you that the key to achieving fitness goals is a humid crotch. Calories consumed vs. calories burned? Forget all that, because with Sauna Pants, you can just strap what is essentially an electric heating blanket to your groin and just watch the pounds melt away—and possibly your chances of ever having children, but do you even know how hard it is to make it to the gym when you have kids?
Neck Magic Air Cushion
If someone told you they were going to wrap a device around your neck and use a pump to slowly increase the pressure and pull your head away from your shoulders, you’d probably wonder why your murderer was being so detailed and upfront about his plans. But you can rest easy if he’s strapping the Neck Magic Air Cushion around your throat, because if he stops just short of blocking your airway, you’ll experience soothing muscle relaxation and even headache relief!
My Secret Hair Enhancer
There’s really no secret here. This is spray paint for your bald spots. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s an aerosol can full of hair-colored paint, that you use to coat the bare spots of your scalp in between the clumps of your thinning hair. Spray paint is for graffiti and patio furniture, not human heads. Don’t use My Secret Hair Enhancer unless you’re prepared for everyone to know your secret right away…That you spray paint your bald head.
Like Bowl Brite, Potty Putter attempts to tackle yet another of the many issues that failed inventors feel need to be addressed: spending too much time on the toilet. We always thought number two was a fairly simple transaction, but apparently some people feel that straddling the porcelain throne is just too much wasted time. Now, you can practice your golf putt while you poop, which will hopefully improve your skills. If you need more practice, go ahead and drag a toilet out onto the green. We’re sure the country club will have no problem with that.
Okay, someone needs to explain what the deal is with golfers combining their sport and their bodily functions. The UroClub is a hollow golf club that you pee into while a green towel discreetly covers your crotch. It’s a classy way to relieve yourself on the course that allows for minimal interruption of gameplay. Besides, how are you supposed to make awkward eye contact with your buddies if you’re way off behind a tree or a bush? That just wouldn’t do at all. Just a fair warning: this is an easy way to make your golf caddy get P.O.’ed.
Everyone knows how challenging it is to bend down and pick up doggie doo-doo. In an attempt to alleviate this brutal task, here’s a complicated harness system you attach to an excited, wiggling dog as he practically drags his owner out the door—all to hang a bag from the dog’s butt, which the owner still has to bend down and pick up. So either wait to buy this product until Poo Trap version 2.0 possibly improves the design with a pulley system or, you know, just bend down and pick up your dog’s crap.
It always stinks to try to cut into butter and encounter all of the problems that arise. Bent knives, broken fingers, uneven chunks, and divorce are just a few, so thankfully there’s a contraption that takes care of all of that. EZ Butter slices your butter into perfect portions every time, and even shoots them out with a fun click—it even works on margarine! It’s like a staple gun for the kitchen, only dumber and completely useless in every possible way.
Brush Buddies One Direction Singing Toothbrush
Because dental hygiene should always come with an earworm capable of inspiring suicide, there’s now a toothbrush that can play One Direction music with the push of a button. On top of being highly entertaining while removing plaque, this product offers the added bonus of infuriating everyone else whenever you brush your teeth. Just think of the minutes of fun you’ll have fighting gingivitis while your wife scowls and silently considers smothering you with a pillow tonight. And the children won’t be left out either as they’ll undoubtedly be googling how to legally emancipate themselves from you. It’s fun for the whole family!