21 Unsexy Sexy Things Girls Do That Guys Have No Clue About
There are a ton of myths about women out there, but with some hard work over the past few decades, we’ve been able to bust a lot of them. Thank god society knows that we actually poop and orgasm. Not simultaneously though… unless it’s a really good one.
But when it comes to some of the other things we do in private, there’s still an unspoken rule that they remain, well, unspoken. Well, let’s break down those barriers, because we’re probably all doing the same freaky, gross solo stuff anyways.
If you’re a guy, get ready to be educated. If you’re a girl, get ready to relate. Here are the weird-ass things all girls do or have done, but that no one wants to talk about.
1. Trying to get that perfect butt pic for like 15 minutes
Understand that this wasn’t some quick snap-and-send. It took time, effort, lighting changes, and weird contortions. Nothing that looks that good was taken on the first try.
2. Watching ourselves cry in the mirror
We don’t do this every time, but sometimes it’s nice. We’re partially curious to see if we’re pretty or ugly criers, but it’s also like having a very empathetic friend who knows exactly what you’re going through.
3. Just chill with our hands down out pants
Guys always do this, but so do girls when they’re alone or around people they’re really comfortable with. For us, it’s like having a nice hand warmer. Like a mitt if you will…
4. Trying to lick our own nipples
It doesn’t feel as good as when someone else does it, but we’ve all tried it. It’s kind of weirdly comforting because it’s like being an infant and a mother at the same time. OK, that’s really weird.
5. Making noises with the sanitary disposal container in the bathroom to mask our pooping sounds
We do this when someone is in the stall next to us. Probably everyone knows we’re pooping, but covering up the noises creates a safe space that allows us to relax… our sphincter. Because the very worst is when your sphincter is being a Shy Sheila.
6. Lying that we’re done our period.
It’s like the last day, it’s barely there, and we want sex. As long as we’re careful, you’ll never know. Muahhahah!If we ever turn down head, that’s basically a dead giveaway.
7. Trying to pee in a drinking glass and/or Tupperware container.
We just want to know what it’s like to be a man, and this is one of the closest experiences we will have. Most of us learn that we really have to get the right angle or risk peeing all over our hand and immediate surroundings.
8. Thinking about having sex with someone we’re not remotely attracted to and regretting it
That includes our boyfriend’s dad. Maybe even his mother…Sometimes you see someone and your mind wanders to places that you cannot control!
9. Sneezing while we’re on our period
And promptly having to change our feminine hygiene product. Depending on the sneeze and the type of flow, we may also have to change our pants. Yes, I know you were dying to know that last detail.
10. Playing with our boobs when we we’re bored
Cupping them together and trying to eat things out of the hollow, making farting noises with them, slapping them, trying to make our nipples look like innie belly buttons. Yeah, basically we’ve done it all.
11. Spending 10 minutes trying to pluck one stray eyebrow hair that no one can even see
Ever wonder why we take so long in the bathroom? It’s not always an eyebrow hair, either. It can also be nipple, chin, or upper lip.
12. Watching porn to get in the mood before you come over
Sometimes we just aren’t feeling it, but we know you will be. So before you get to our house, we put on a little something, and usually it works. Especially if it features a goat. JK.
13. Pooping ourselves
Yes, I’m talking about as adults. It’s happened to almost everyone at least once, whether it’s a bad bout of food poisoning, the flu, or an unexpected shart. I once ate half a bottle of vitamin C because I was paranoid about getting a bladder infection. I then literally shat my pants.
14. When we get home, the bra is the first thing to come off
Scratching your boobs after they’ve been stuck in a sweaty under-wired cage all day is heaven.
15. Peeing in the shower
If you do it, we’ll get pissed (excuse the pun), but, yes most of us do this frequently. We not hypocrites though, because boy-pee is gross but girl-pee isn’t.
16. Feeling proud that we’ve slept with more people than you
We probably tried to act bashful or embarrassed and said something like “I’m really not that kind of girl, though.” Secretly, we are actually quite self-satisfied, otherwise we would have lied about the number. Later, we probably bragged to our friends that we had more kills than you.
17. Imagining something other than you during sex
It doesn’t mean that we aren’t attracted to you or that we aren’t into what you’re currently doing, but we usually need a little something more in the mental image department to finish it off. And I’m not talking the stereotypical girl fantasy involving Jared Leto or Ryan Gosling. It’s probably something pretty freaky or even gross; maybe it involves domination on public transpiration, maybe an octopus, maybe it’s Jared Leto and Ryan Gosling on a bus with an octopus. Who knows?
18. Smelling our own farts
Everyone one does this when they’re alone, even girls. Sometimes we even reposition ourselves when we feel one coming so that it doesn’t create a weird fart bubble that goes up into our vajayjays.
19. Trying to make our nipples tighter and more pointy by flicking them
20. Felt an itch
And pulled our own head hair out of our butt crack. Who knows how it gets there, but god does it feel good when you finally get it out.
21. Smelling the crotch of our workout clothes to see if it smells
Most of the time we do not care for the odor that emanates from our post-workout spandex leggings, but, once it a while, they are odorless. When this happens it’s all worth it, because when your vagina just spent 2 hours sweating in non-breathable material and it does not smell like old cheese and fish, you feel like Wonder Woman.