The Red Shamrock: The Best Scenes In Bad Movies And Week 15 NFL Picks
My head hurts from football analysis and fake betting. Let’s talk movies. This week’s picks are at the end of the column, and coincidently, I went 11-4-1 last week’s column. Take my winners!
I watch a lot a lot of movies; I mean a lot of movies. My movie viewing has increased from about 4-6 a month to at least 8-10 movies a month. Eight movies minimum because my tag-team partner Gary Smith and I churning out weekly 80/20 Movie Shows and Middle 60’s. To say I’ve seen my share of bad films is an understatement.
So I thought it might be a good idea to give you some of the best scenes out of the bad films I’ve watched. While researching this, shocker, many sites have done this topic before and for all I know, Chaostrophic has, but it’s my column, so here we go. I’ll give you five good scenes (in my humble opinion) and fortunately, there will be no scenes from this film:
Nepotism = bad film making
Let’s start with our recent review on the Middle 60, The Angry Birds Movie. A legitimate terrible movie with maybe two laugh out loud moments. In my case it was one and here it is, the only real reason to watch this film:
The Red Shamrock would rather watch 97 minutes of this instead of the actual film
With Rouge One: A Star Wars Story debuting this week, I thought I would look back to the prequels for our next clip. The prequels are either a hit or miss with fans of Star Wars. I find some redeeming qualities with certain scenes, but for my money, the final battle between Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is the best lightsaber battle in the entire series. A lot of fans will point to Anakin getting medieval on the Sand people in Attack of The Clones, but the final battle to what leads to Anakin donning the life saving armor to become Darth Vader is a personal favorite of mine. Here is part one, with all the other cut scenes edited out for your enjoyment.
Your breaking my heart with your bad acting Portman
Memba 1987’s Masters of the Universe? (South Park Memberberry voice). If you were a fan of the original He-Man, then you know Cannon Films destroyed all the joy of your childhood with this film. We talked about the legacy of Cannon Films earlier this year on the 80/20 Movie Show. At first glance, they seemed to get some things right. Sexy Teela? Check. Sexy Evil-Lyn? Check. Decent Man-At-Arms? Check. Dolph Lundgren as He-Man? Check. Where did they go wrong? No Prince Adam, no Orko, and a too over-the-top Skeletor (Frank Langella). Cannon even ran out of money for the film towards the end, which is why the ending is mega poo-poo. But the film does have its moments, but this one stands out from all the rest:
So what if his English delivery is shitty. He fucking looks like He-Man
What if I told you Wesley Snipes was in demand in 1993? What if I told you that he would star in a film with Sylvester Stallone that would proclaim Taco Bell as the most elegant restaurant in the world and cryogenically freeze criminals? That’s what you get with Demolition Man. If I have to be honest with myself, I love Demolition Man (many people did not). It is a good bad movie in that it has plenty of action, bad plot lines, an over-the-top villain (Simon Pheonix played by Snipes) and sexy Sandra Bullock. The scene I’m selecting here is so bad; it’s hall of fame worthy good bad. Watch how Sly doesn’t even give it his all when he is diving out of the way to avoid being frozen again:
They could freeze everything else on Snipes but his blonde hair?
Finally, before I reveal my last scene, let me ask you a question. Back when you would buy a record, tape or CD for some good music (before online streaming and purchasing), would you buy one if you only heard a good song of it? I know I have. I freely admit to buying 1995’s Pet Your Friends from Dishwalla for their one-hit wonder song Counting Blue Cars. Memba it? Just in case:
One of the biggest one-hit wonders of the 1990’s and that’s saying a lot
Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this. One night in my military days, I had the late shift and someone had put on Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. It was the sequel to Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, which I found mildly entertaining. One guy would go on to become the new Sulu in the Star Trek reboot. The other guy is Kumar and worked for President Obama. Anyway, I looked up from my work to watch the prison guard scene. I laughed my ass off and resumed my duties, not bothering to watch the rest of the film. One day, I found the film on a clearance bin at Target for $5 and took a flyer on it. The prison guard scene was the best scene in the whole film. It was my Dishwalla purchase all over again. Here it is in all its glory:
The biggest question from this; why is the goat there? And doughnuts are delicious!
I’ve just given you five scenes in really bad movies (and a one-hit wonder to boot). What are some of yours? Share them with me in the comments sections. Time for this week’s picks. Enjoy the games.
This week’s picks (home teams in CAPS)
Last week: 11-4-1
Season record: 109-89-10 (.546)
Pat Himes aka The Red Shamrock is a huge fan of sports, movies, poker, and fake sports betting. He is also cohost of The 80/20 Movie Show podcast with Gary Smith, which you can listen to for guy humor, movie reviews, and additional fake sports betting picks at www.fatherhoodrules.com. You can interact with Pat on Chaostrophic by hitting him up on the comments section with him on the threads under his handle, Dalux247.