If you’re smart enough to mastermind a life of crime, you ought to be smart enough to avoid getting caught. The idiots on this list managed to ruin their incredibly lucky bit of freedom with several horrifyingly stupid moves. From tattooing a crime scene on their chest, to plastering their whereabouts all over Facebook, to trying find a hit man on Craigslist, these are the dumbest criminals who were in the clear and then totally botched it.

Man Gets Away With Crime…Then Updates Everyone Via Facebook

Maxi Sopo, a then 26-year-old hiding from police in Mexico, was smart enough to commit bank fraud. Yet it somehow slipped his mind to remove a former Justice Department official from his list of Facebook friends. The Cameroon native consistently updated his status from Cancun, detailing the great time he was having evading charges in Seattle. Memorable status updates included “LIFE IS VERY SIMPLE REALLY!!!! BUT SOME OF US HUMANS MAKE A MESS OF IT … REMEMBER AM JUST HERE TO HAVE FUN PARTEEEEEEE.”

Sopo arrived in the US around 2003 and sold roses in Seattle nightclubs until, according to prosecutors, he decided to commit unlawful actions. After initial police efforts to find Sopo on Facebook and Myspace were unsuccessful, Secret Service agent Seth Reeg took a second look, finding Sopo’s private profile and scanning his public list of friends.

As it turns out, a former Justice Department employee had met Sopo briefly in the Seattle nightclub scene and was more than happy to help officials. Sopo is doing up to 30 years, but he’ll probably keep us updated.

Man Gets Away With Homicide, Then Tattoos Cold Case Clues On His Chest

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department Sgt. Kevin Lloyd was flipping through photographs of tattooed gang members and stumbled upon some very permanent evidence on Anthony Garcia, a Pico Rivera member found responsible for a 2004 unsolved liquor store case. Rivera had key details of the scene tattooed on his chest, including the Christmas lights that lined the roof of the liquor store, the direction the victim John Juarez’s body fell, and a distinctive street light.

The ink across his chest probably didn’t help his case. Garcia was sentenced to 65 years.

James Wombles: The GPS Genius

Don’t attempt a B&E while wearing a GPS tracking anklet given to you by police. You won’t get away with it. James Wombles, a Riverside, Ohio native, allegedly committed several holdups. Wombles was already under police surveillance due to a previous stolen property charge.

Reportedly, Wombles didn’t realize his GPS anklet would prevent him from slipping away unnoticed from another scene of unlawful activity.

Note Written On Pay Stub Leads To Apprehension

An Illinois man, Thomas Infante, entered the Fifth Third Bank in December 2008 with the goal of obtaining unearned cash. He made off with just under $400 before authorities tracked him to his Cary home. The FBI was called in and quickly realized that they were dealing with no mastermind – as they discovered that he had written a note threatening tellers to “Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I’ll shoot…” on his pay stub, complete with his name and address.

He was apprehended at his home and confessed to investigators.

Man Sells Presidential Documents On eBay

Daniel D. Lorello, then a 54-year-old New York State Department of Education employee, was found to have taken several items belonging to the New York State Library and Archives on eBay, including a four-page letter written to a New York General in 1823 by John C. Calhoun.

Joseph Romito, of Virginia, was the complaining witness that brought the auction of the Calhoun letter to the attention of state authorities. State investigators recovered over 1,600 documents that Lorello tried to auction off. Among the library’s other documents taken by Lorello were two copies of the Davy Crockett Almanac and a Poor Richard’s Almanac.

Woman Uses Craigslist To Hire Hitman

Ann Marie Linscott posted a Craigslist ad for some general “freelance” work, before explaining her true intentions to the responding individuals; she wanted them to terminate her lover’s wife in California. Linscott offered $5,000 for the hit, provided the woman’s name and work address, and described successful candidates as “silent assassins,” according to agents and court documents.

Agents apprehended Linscott, who used the alias “Marie,” at her home in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Butte County authorities worked with the FBI to identify the victim and her husband.

Man Defends Himself In Court And Unwittingly Admits His Fault

Back in 1985, Dennis Newton was on trial in a district court for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he fired his lawyer and decided that he could represent himself. Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, then age 47, was doing a decent job of defending himself until the store manager had testified that Newton was indeed the culprit.

Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and said: “I should of blown your [expletive] head off.” He paused, then added, “If I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took just 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

Offender Makes The Same Mistake Twice

Christopher Jansen of Pontiac, Michigan claimed to have been unfairly searched without a warrant. The prosecutor explained that a warrant wasn’t necessary because the officer could clearly see a “bulge” in Christopher’s jacket that appeared to be a gun. Jansen said that there was no way this could be true. To prove his point, he handed the same jacket to the judge so it could be examined.

The judge found a packet of coke in the pocket.