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10 OF THE MOST HIGH-TECH VERSIONS OF EVERYTHING FOR PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH MONEY

There’s rich, and then there’s stupid rich. For those people with way too much money on their hands, or just people who enjoy incredibly, suffocating debt, try on some of these high-tech versions of everyday things for size. You don’t need them (save for the sex doll) but maybe you should just suck it up and buy them anyway.

Real Doll’s Sex Doll ($51,000)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
Yeah, they’re real. They’re more than real, at least that’s what the 40-thousand-some-odd Real Doll customers might say. Never been in love? Well, you’ve probably never had one of the world’s finest Love Dolls, about as real and authentic as lifeless sex dolls get. There’s the Classic Real Doll, Real Doll 2, Boy Toy and plenty of replaceable heads, torsos and transgender options. That’s not the least bit creepy to read. Or you can have this one for $10,000.

International Space Station Toilet ($19 million)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
You can’t call it a “shitter” if it’s costing you millions. While there are toilets that lift the lid when you’re in proximity, warm your tush while you push and play music while you do your duty, this one actually filters your bowel movements into drinkable water. We can’t believe it can’t make your shit into beer. Crap! Total crap!

Clearaudio Statement Turntable ($170,000)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
It’s one of those incredibly stupid things worth way too much money: a 770-pound clear acrylic audiophile wet dream costing about as much as three top-of-the-line luxury cars. This magnetic turntable removes any hiccup you’ve ever had in your listening experience with a high-speed microprocessor-controlled motor drive unit, like NASA on Mars kind of shit. No skipping? Say it is so! Though the player is about as high tech as music listening gets, it doesn’t seem to be self-flipping, which is exactly what I would demand if I were a rich, lazy asshole.

Volvorii Timeless Smart Shoe
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
Ladies (and some men), this one is for you: color-changing high-tech high heels. Yes, why buy a closetful of shoes when you can just get a smart pair that changes with the click of a button on your app. Created by iSüu Tech, the rubber and leather Bluetooth shoe allows women to continue getting dressed after you guys leave the house. Now the madness never has to end.

Self-Sterilizing Door Handles
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
Ever heard of moist towelettes? Guess not. This anti-bacteria, influenza-fighting handle gives the doors in your house the shit-free existence they deserve, especially if you have lots of house guests who don’t wash after they wipe. Ground zero is bacteria breeding, door handles are getting rewritten as horizontal bars you push down to open. When closed, the UV lamp in the bar lights up and kills any residual bacteria, thus killing any likelihood of spreading bacteria. It’s perfect for you snot-nosed kids who still pick your nose.

SurfLoch Surfpool ($4 million)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
Who wants a still swimming pool when you could get some waves in there for an extra few million? The leader in surfing technology, WaveLoch can bring the wave machine in a big way with their Wave House and SurfPool in an energy-efficient surf course with reef levels for beginners to experts. Who needs a crowded ocean when you can avoid swallowing used condoms for just a few mil?

Mobile Bohemian Home
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
This mobile home was originally a Malibu dump, which was transformed into this fancy Bohemian mobile chateau. However stereotypical of California, this gem is a rarity and by far the most advanced in the realm of mobile homes. From Moroccan tile work to Indian fabrics and full home amenities, including washer-dryer, this 600-square-foot beauty with its Vent-A-Hood top-of-the line stove and brass accents is one of a kind.

iCarta iPod Toilet Roll Holder ($60)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
There’s nothing worse than taking a shit in silence when others can hear. Well, no more! Now the shitter has a “shitee” companion that can play music. But regardless of how much Nickelback gets played off this thing, that goddamn toilet paper better still be put on in the right direction.

LED Shower Light ($50)
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
“Painting the ceiling” has never been more real a term thanks to LED Ceiling, a pen-controlled light show where you can design the shapes that adorn the wall above your head. Just the same, the LED Shower Light allows you to have a colorful shower. It’s official that if you have one of these LED lighting sets, you have way too much time and money and not enough friends. There’s also the LED chandelier, which may also belie symptoms of loneliness and despair.

Toilet Seat Scale
The Most High-Tech Versions of Everything For People With Too Much Money
Haikun Deng has invented the newest fun bathroom time waster: the shit scale. Designed with a built-in scale, poopers can get a sense of the before and after when it comes to trips to the john. This game could get pretty intense around Thanksgiving, fun for the whole family!

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