JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next

Ah yes, surprisingly caffeinated food — for those who want everything they eat to give them the energy to run a marathon. We’ve found some foods that are, for some reason, full of caffeine, even though they are generally decaffeinated. Check ’em:

 

Wired Waffles

Wired Waffles box
(source)
The breakfast treat that will have family members saying, “LEGGO BY #$%&ING EGGO, YOU #$%&ING @+*^£!”

 

Perky Jerky

Perky Jerky packet
(source)
A product that sounds like “cheerful masturbating”, Perky Jerky takes a questionable food source and turns it into espresso for truckers.

 

Bang!! Caffeinated Ice Cream

Bang!! Caffeinated Ice Cream
(source)
This ice cream is for those who like to vibrate violently at birthday parties for 12-year-olds.

 

Sumseeds Supercharged Sunflower Seeds

Sumseeds Supercharged Sunflower Seeds
(source)
This company will sell vodka-infused broccoli some day.

 

Spazztroids Caffeinated Breakfast Cereal

Spazztroids Caffeinated Breakfast Cereal
(source)
Part of a complete breakfast! (A complete breakfast includes Jitters Juice, Sugar-Coated Sugar, and a kitchen table to jump up and down on.)

 

Snack in the Face Brownies

Snack in the Face Brownies
(source)
Fans of this threatening snack will eventually move on to more aggressive treats like bullwhipped sundaes and cheese nipple clamps.

 

STEEM Peanut Butter

STEEM Peanut Butter
(source)
Screw the jelly. Hell, screw the bread. Just go at it until you drive the spoon through the bottom of the jar.

 

Energy Gummy Bears

Energy Gummy Bears
(source)
This will have to do until Swedish Fish come pumped full of HGH.

 

Power Toothpaste

Power Toothpaste tubes
(source)
No, toothpaste is not a food, but if it’s as caffeinated as it claims, you’ll be squeezing this stuff down your throat like it was a goddamn Go-Gurt.

 

Stay Puft Marshmallows

Stay Puft Marshmallows
(source)
The fake product from Ghostbusters is now a reality. Its marshmallows contain enough caffeine to liven up your cocoa, turn s’mores into contests of who can eat the most fire, and make you see Zuul in your fridge.

SOURCE

 

 

10 Highly-Caffeinated Versions of Ordinary Food

JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next
Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors