You know those people that you have nothing in common with and no real reason to communicate with, but they insist on talking with you at any given opportunity? Spoiler alert: They will never, ever go away for the rest of your life. Here are 10 absolutely horrible daily conversations that you will never be able to escape.
1. “Where are you from?”
Has there ever been an answer to this question that evoked any sort of excitement whatsoever? At best, they’re going to name an area you’ve visited and the two of you can both name a few restaurants in the city. But more than likely they’re going to name a place and you’ll say something like, “Oh my cousin lives there.” Thus taking this painfully dull conversation to a whole new level of who gives a crap.
2. “Doing anything fun this weekend?”
The best response to this is simply saying “no” then eating whatever is in your hand while maintaining direct eye contact the entire time. The alternative is to tell them about your niece’s wedding you’re attending and that you may or may not go to Lowe’s to get a copy of your house keys made.
3. The Weather
Nothing makes everyone around you want to ram their faces into a wall like Wile E. Coyote with cataracts like a riveting conversation about the weather. It was sunny yesterday, but today it’s not so sunny! Tomorrow it may be cloudy! Next week? Who knows! It could be a different temperature than it was this time last year. Holy cow!
4. Details about your horoscope
If you’re someone that actively keeps up with your horoscope, please keep that insanity to yourself. There’s nothing less riveting to your friends during dinner than to hear you ramble on about how your horoscope said you were going to experience a life change soon and, believe it or not, something in your life changed! It’s crazy that 1 in 12 people also experienced this same phenomenon, considering that’s how many people have the exact same horoscope. Wow!
5. Your birthdate
Have you ever mentioned your birthday in passing and someone responds with, “Oh wow your birthday is the nineteenth? Mine is the fifteenth! How crazy!” It’s not crazy at all. We have nothing more to talk about with the addition of this information. It’s even worse when you say your birthday and they’ll respond with, “Oh wow my aunt’s birthday is a week after that!” How is that relevant in any way whatsoever? Do I have to throw a joint party with your Aunt Brenda now?
6. A mundane story about someone you don’t know
Unless this story ends with your random friend becoming the Rocketeer and soaring into space, there’s a good chance no one cares about this 10-minute tale involving a dozen people we don’t know. We barely care about the stories of people we do know, let alone these awful strangers.
7. What do you do for fun?
If you’re on a first date and you ask someone what they do for fun, you might as well pull out your phone and start showing them pictures of your exes on Facebook. How do you possibly answer this question in a way that’s not stupid? You can’t, so don’t ask it or you’ll be stuck listening to someone list off activities. Hooray verbal lists!
8. When you ask how someone has been and they actually start telling you, in detail, how they’ve been
Normal people will say “fine” and move on. Human monsters will begin listing off all of their minor physical ailments and the checklist of household chores they’ve completed over the last few days. It’s the verbal equipment to biting down on aluminum foil while drinking orange juice immediately after brushing your teeth.
9. A recent customer service experience
Everyone’s mom loves telling detailed stories about a rude cashier she had an interaction with at CVS. It’s never anything actually interesting, either. Usually they cashier rolled her eyes or couldn’t get your mom’s rewards card to scan, or some other riveting encounter. Then it ends with absolutely nothing happening and your mom swears she’ll never shop there again. She’ll be back two days later.
10. “You know who you look just like?”
This is the ultimate conversation from hell. Usually you’ll be in a group of people who all know each other and you’re meeting them for the first time. One of them will announce that you look just like someone. Then they’ll name a random friend who you don’t know, and all the others in the group will wildly agree that you look like this unknown person. You don’t know if it’s an insult or a compliment so you’ll just stand there smiling and nodding like an idiot while they take turns saying, “Hey look — doesn’t this guy look just like Rowdy Mike from 11th grade?”
10 HORRIBLE DAILY CONVERSATIONS THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE