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10 “Innocent” Songs You Didn’t Realise Were Filthy As A Kid –

 

Let us sweetly reminisce the days of sitting on your bedroom floor, recording the chart show onto a sticky-taped cassette and learning words to songs ’til you were blue in the face. Little did you know Britney’s “Oops! …I Did It Again” was about some bubblegum nympho cruelly leading men on left right and centre – you just sang along and made dance routines.

Lyrics start to mean a lot more when you’re an adult. You relate to them, you feel them, and boy do you analyse them. One that only resonated to me in my adult years was the lyrics “I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks” by Nirvana, which could be interpreted as Kurt’s declaration of being in some kind of love trap. It’s only when you look at the rest of the lyrics you realise the song is about Courtney Love’s vagina.

Still, that’s Nirvana, and their music wasn’t designed to coincide with school gymnastic routines. Instead what’s going to be looked at here are the ditties from the charts everyone freely sang at the top of their lungs in front of their entire family – and they clapped along – when, truth be told, you were probably singing about anal or something.

10. Barbie Girl – Aqua

Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky…”

It sold 8 million copies worldwide and became unshakeably stuck in the heads of many a generation. What we didn’t realise – spinning around in our party dresses and jelly shoes at the school disco – was just how demeaning the song is to women.

Ken’s romantic invitation into his car is “come jump in, bimbo friend”, right before he asks her to fool around with him. She let’s him know he can touch her, play with her and undress her everywhere, as long as he says “I’m always yours”.

Now, sorry to be the party pooper, but come on, that’s probably not the best message to be sending out to little girls and boys. Good job we didn’t understand it, then.

9. When The Lights Go Out – 5ive

“When I flick da switch, make ya hips want to dip now,I can get you off, ’cause I’m ready and equipped now.”

Wow. It’s no wonder so many young ladies lost their s**t over 5ive (Team Abz fo’ life) especially when you examine the overlooked lyrics that melted their way into our young subconsciousness.

Sure, the song’s about the lights going out (and showing you what it’s all about) which is pretty obviously a bit naughty; but those lyrics are enough to send a girl into immediate puberty.

8. Like A Prayer – Madonna

“I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there.”

It’s pretty certain no one is forgetting this music video in a flash. Pepsi was boycotted by religious groups for using the track in its commercial; as it raunchily portrays Catholic symbols such as stigmata, Ku Klux Klan-style cross burning, and a dream about getting it on with a black saint. Even the Vatican condemned it.

It’s a highly debated topic, whether or not Madonna is basically singing about giving Jesus a blow-job or simply having an overwhelming religious experience (the queen of pop did have a Catholic upbringing).

Nevertheless, this is coming from the same woman who said: “When I get down on my knees, it is not to pray”. That is all, Your Honour.

7. C’est La Vie – B*Witched

“I’ve got a house with windows and doors, I€™ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Yes, it’s the most cringeworthy video in history – but one thing we didn’t notice was just how smutty the words coming out the sister’s mouths actually were. As they ceilidh danced through the flowering meadows with a little dog, they sing the lines such as €œI€™ll huff, I€™ll puff, I€™ll blow you away!€, and €œPlayin€™ with the girls, playin€™ with the boys, do you ever get bored playin€™ with your toys?€

Now, these are grown women – so it’s pretty obvious they’re not talking about Scalextric here.

6. She Bop – Cyndi Lauper

They say I better stop – or I’ll go blindOop – she bop – she bop.”Nope, She-Bop wasn’t a new move for the disco – Cyndi Lauper was singing about masturbating. Now we watch the video from a different point of view, things such as the “self-service” sign, the vibrating motorcycle, and “masterbingo” with “Uncle Siggy” (Sigmund Freud) all finally make sense.

Lauper said she wanted little kids to think the song was about dancing, and to understand the real meaning as they got older. What’s more, she said the song was recorded in the nude, in a dark room, whilst she tickled herself under the arms. Was that completely necessary, Cyndi?

5. Two Become One – The Spice Girls

“Be a little bit wiser, baby, put it on, put it on‘Cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1.”

Yup, definitely about the old in-out, in-out; but least the Spice Girls practiced safe sex, judging from the lyrics in this song. It’s pretty obvious what the Spice Girls meant whenever they sang about “making love to ya” – we just completely overlooked it as young whippersnappers.

Even after reading and re-reading the lyrics out of Smash Hits magazine, we still definitely didn’t understand the reference to wearing condoms.

4. Sledgehammer – Peter Gabriel

“You could have a steam train, if you’d just lay down your tracks.”

Those weren’t tadpoles at the start of this music video, and the sledgehammer in question is definitely not the large metal tool you thought it was. It’s Peter Gabriel’s penis, basically.

You’ve got to give it to him – putting out a song so blatantly about sex and have people sing along oblivious to it. It’s pretty obvious the suggestion to lay down your tracks (legs) is to let the steam train enter the, ahem, tunnel, is it not? “Open up your fruit cakes, where the fruit is as sweet as can be” – then in comes the sledgehammer!

It’s possibly the crudest collection of metaphors possible, in fact it’s so bad it’s brilliant.

3. Little Red Corvette – Prince

“I guess I must be dumb‘Cause you had a pocket full of horsesTrojan and some of them used.” It’s safe to say that any Prince song is about sex, but this one went wayover our heads. He’s not singing about a sports car – he’s referring to a promiscuous woman with a dang bad attitude, which is pretty obvious from the line: “I guess I should’ve known by the way you parked your car sideways”. He knows she’s been around the block a few times, but he’s still gonna give her a go, despite knowing it’s not gonna work out (not to mention the empty condom wrappers in her pocket) – pretty complicated stuff for a kid to fully come to grips with.

2. Digital Get Down – N Sync

“I get so excited when I’m watching girlI can’t wait to see you touch your body girl”

So, this song is basically entirely about webcam sex. The majority of us had probably never actually seen a webcam as kids, so cyber sex was a mere alien concept (as was sex, to be fair).

Basically, they’re asking a girl to take call them up (if she’s in the mood, wink wink) and leave them a message (“you know the kind I like”).

Well, what more did you expect from Justin Trousersnake?

1. My Sharona – The Knack

“Such a dirty mind, always get it up, For the touch of the younger kind.”

Excuse me? That’s one line we definitely never heard as we were foot-tapping to this number one tune.

According to the band’s singer, Doug Fieger, this song was written in 15 minutes about his 17-year-old girlfriend Sharona Alperin. He described his immediate love for Sharona, recounting that “It was like getting hit in the head with a baseball bat; I fell in love with her instantly. And when that happened, it sparked something and I started writing a lot of songs feverishly in a short amount of time.”

That’s all very nice, Fieger, but did you really have to include the lyrics about getting erections for the “younger kind”? It’s going to take a whole lot of bleach to get those words out of our minds…

Did you naively miss the meanings of any of the songs in this list? What other filthy song lyrics did you overlook as a youngster? Feel free to share your views in the comments below!

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