Funny LIFE Things That Make You Go Hmmm

10 Lies We All Tell Ourselves

We tell ourselves a lot of things to get through the day — some are just reminders. Some are actually encouraging. And some are outright lies that we either need to believe or have convinced ourselves are true. Here are the 10 lies everyone everywhere tells themselves every single day.


“I’ll do it later.”

Spongebob Squarepants looking at reflection

Perhaps the most common lie we tell ourselves, if only because we keep repeating it until we either forget, realize the task no longer serves any purpose, or drop dead.


“I can change him/her.”

Zoidberg and girlfriend in Futurama

You have a far better chance of success if you tell yourself “I can teach the cat corporate law”.


“I have read and agree to the terms and conditions”

cast of Bob’s Burgers using the laptop

Because to this date, no one has ever read through 14 solid minutes of scrolling, tiny copy before checking that box and getting on with their lives.


“I don’t usually do this.”

Roger looking at is reflection in American Dad

This little lie is what we say when we want to do something bad, but don’t want to feel bad about doing it six times that night.


“I don’t even think about my ex anymore.”

Bojack Horseman thinking

This is what we repeat in our mind every two seconds so we don’t have the chance to recall our ex’s address and drive by every three seconds.


“Everything happens for a reason.”

Timmy Turner looking at his reflection in The Fairly OddParents

Actually, a lot of things happen by chance, by accident, or for no purpose other than the fact that even gods need to laugh. On the other hand, telling yourself “Nothing matters” is far worse, so sometimes it’s perfectly all right to say whatever you want to make the day that much better.


“They don’t know the real me.”

Homer Simpson looking at fantasy reflection

Here’s a way to reassure yourself whenever someone accurately — and never favorably — describes you to a T.


“I don’t need anyone.”

Stewie Griffin looking at mirror in Family Guy

This is what you mutter when you feel hurt or betrayed … or realize every one of your friends is at a party across the street.


“I’m taking the day off from social media.”

Doofenshmirtz on his laptop in Phineas and Ferb

Translation: “I’m taking the day off from social media … on my laptop (unless my phone dies).”


“I’m not drunk.”

Archer drinking in front of Lana

There’s only one reason to tell yourself you’re not drunk and it’s because you desperately need to believe most people often leave a bar, funeral, or alleyway fight without their pants.




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