In 2013, Gentil Ramirez Polania walked into a hospital with an inflamed, fractured, gangrenous penis. Ironically this took place in the Colombian town of Gigante. The 66-year-old wanted to impress his new girlfriend with his stamina.
Doctors had to amputate his penis to stop the gangrene from spreading. “I had bruises all over my genitals,” Polania said, and will now be unable to impress anyone. His boner lasted three days.
A Stiff Seven Weeks
Last January an Irishman had a mountain biking accident and resultantly boasted an erection for 35 days. The 22-year-old entered a Dublin hospital and underwent treatment. Priapism, as the condition is called, involves a stiffy that won’t quit, filling up with blood to “full tumescence” without the ability to drain.
Doctors placed a gel foam and four tiny platinum coils at the connection of an abnormal artery and vein connection. Everything turned out okay. Except now he has gel foam and four tiny platinum coils in his penis.
Man Sues Prison Doctors for Failing to Treat His Six-Day Boner
An Inmate in the Manhattan Detention Complex cried in his solitary cell one night when he realized he may have an erection forever. T’was painful, and it was going on six days. Antidepressant Risperdal was the apparent culprit.
Rodney Cotton went to the doctors twice, and they prescribed him an icepack and Tylenol. Not the right prescription. They failed to send him to the hospital for treatment. After too much time in a priapism state, Cotton’s penis required surgery and was subsequently rendered impotent.
“I have to readjust myself because I’m not even whole.”
Cotton is currently suing the detention facility. As he should.
The Legend of Sergey Tuganov
“He died hard.” “He came as he went.” Make your jokes Internet, but the fact remains Sergey Tuganov died a hero. The 28-year-old Russian guzzled a bottle of Viagra in hopes to win a bet.
Yes, two sexy Ruskies bet him $4,300 that he couldn’t satisfy them for 12 hours. Tuganov took the bet, and won. He had a heart attack directly after. “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” one of his paramours said.
This article is dedicated to you, ol’ champ.
Man Has Erection for Eight Months
A New Jersey trucker by the name of Daniel Metzgar wanted to make his wife, Donna, happy. So he went to the doc to get a penile implant.
The doctor did a bad job. He had an erection for eight months. Metzgar claimed his scrotum grew to the size of a volleyball. In 2013, he sued the doctor who gave him the botched implant.
21 Days of Hell
In 2010, a 21-day boner nearly killed a man in Kolkata, India. Like so many others, he had priapism. Anoverdose of Viagra caused the blood to clot in his penis and he suffered for three weeks.
“We drained the blood and relieved him,” said the lucky doctor who performed the operation. The 55-year-old, whose identify is concealed, is now in stable condition. And so is his penis.
Screw Gender Norms! Let’s Talk About Lady Boners
Cara Anaya, 30, mother of one, suffers from persistent genital arousal disorder. Watch her O-face here. But don’t laugh, please. This is serious.
It all started one day while she was grocery shopping. As Buzzfeed reported in 2014, “She suddenly found that everything she saw, smelt, or touched turned her on.”
“When you are around children you feel like a pervert because you have all these really strong feelings rushing through your body at the same time, Anaya stated.
“The one day that I decided to count how many orgasms I had in one sitting, I counted 180 in two hours.”
Doctors Drain Three Pints of Blood From Man’s Penis After 17-Hour Erection
You heard me. Three pints. Respect to Jason Garnett, a 23-year-old hotel worker in England.
One night last October Mr. Garnett was drinking heavily and bedded a lady friend. He woke up the next morning with an erection. Normal. But things got weird. It wouldn’t go away. Hours later after trying an icepack, a warm bath, and running around the block with his penis “tucked in his belt,” Garnett rushed to the hospital.
Priapism. Even the word makes me shudder.
His 17-hour hammer subsided after they drained it and injected it 24 times. According to Daily Mail, Garnett had a sense of humor about the whole thing. (Check out the pictures. They’re hilarious.)
A Two-Year Erection Leads to a Lawsuit
In 2012, San Francisco resident Henry Wolf sued BMW for their “rigid” motorbike seats. For 20 months Wolf could barely pee, walk around, or engage in sexual activity due to a two-year rod.
The 52-year-old sought $25,000 in damages because of “emotional and mental anguish.” No public information has been released on the success of his lawsuit.
And We Have a Winner: 10 Years
Charles Lennon was a simple man with a dream of correcting his erectile dysfunction. In 1996, he underwent a procedure involving injecting plastic and steel into his penis. The Dual-II procedure would allow it to go upward for sex and downward when necessary.
But things would get hard.
A decade. 520 weeks. 3,640 days. Lennon, 68, pursued a lawsuit after his boner wouldn’t die for an eternity. Sadly, Viagra would come out only two years after that fateful day in ’96.
According to NBC News, he could “no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment.” In the end, Lennon received $400,000 after successfully suing the manufacturers of the Dura-II.
Count your blessings.