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10 Of The Most Perverted Criminals Of All Time

Most law-breakers do it for pretty simple motives: money is the biggest, followed by anger. But some people violate the norms that hold our society together because of something more deeply messed up in their brains. Not to put too fine a point on it, but they’re perverts. They’re sick in the head and they have to act out that sickness in whatever bizarre way their fetish demands, and they don’t care who tries to stop them. In this feature, we’ll tell the tales of ten lawbreakers who did seriously twisted deeds and established themselves as the most perverted criminals of all time — which is probably not a title you ever want to be associated with.

 

Michael Robert Wyatt

Foot fetishes are distressingly prevalent in the pervert world, but I gotta say: I don’t get it. Those things stink and get walked around on all day. Don’t tell that to Michael Robert Wyatt, the criminal pervert who earned the name “Toe Sucking Bandit” thanks to a staggering decades-long career of non-consensual foot in mouth play. Starting in the 1990s, Wyatt assailed toes in numerous ways, from pretending to be a podiatrist to telling a female convenience store worker that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death. In 2011, he was picked up again after an 81-year-old woman reported that a man had broke into her house, took off her shoes and started sucking on her toes. Hopefully this guy carries one of those little travel sized Listerine bottles around.

Christopher Pagano

Food and sex are a weird pairing, but Christopher Pagano made it even weirder. Dubbed the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” by investigators, Pagano was picked up after approaching multiple women on the streets of Philadelphia with his penis hanging out. But unlike an ordinary flasher, Pagano had a second act in mind. In his hand he held a few slices of Swiss cheese, and he would offer his female targets money if they would watch him rub the dairy product on his dinger. What exactly is appealing about this situation is a mystery to me, but that’s why they call them perverts and not “normal dudes.” I’m not all that hungry for my sandwich after reading about this guy, though – do you want it?

 

Mark Richardson

Adult baby fetishism is a popular thing, but it’s typically enjoyed between two consenting adults. Diaper pervert Mark Richardson couldn’t find any lady to be his mommy, so he hatched a bizarre and kinky fraud scheme to make it happen. The Oklahoma man presented himself as an adult with severe autism looking for a caretaker on Craigslist. On the phone, he posed as his own father to lure young women to the house. At just four feet nine inches tall, he was a fairly convincing manlet, but after one of his babysitters got suspicious and called the cops he admitted the whole thing was just for sexual gratification. Richardson was charged with one felony count of sexual battery, and a bunch of charges for outraging public decency.

Steve Germain

Photo: Getty

The more of these weird-ass criminals we read about, the less anything makes sense to us. Take the “Purell Pervert,” Steve Germain, who was arrested in April of 2011 in Quebec City. The 33-year-old man had been on a reign of terror indulging his unique fetish: rubbing hand sanitizer over unsuspecting women’s butts and taking cell phone pictures of the resultant mess. Germain struck 17 different women in six months at a variety of locations before being brought in. Police gave the Asperger’s Syndrome sufferer a year in jail and confiscated his cell phone.

David Camblin

Photo: Google Maps

If you’re a parcel delivery man, it’s probably not a good idea to get turned on by mail slots. But David Camblin somehow managed to make it work for a while. Camblin was a driver for Parcelforce, sort of the Irish version of UPS, and he would make a habit of stopping before unusually attractive mail slots and sticking his pecker through, masturbating to completion and leaving a mess on the floor. One frequent victim installed a closed-circuit television camera to catch him in the act. Camblin was brought to court on charges of “damaging a door or floor,” which is apparently a crime in Ireland, and fined 500 pounds. And, yes, he lost his job, meaning he’d have to look for sexual satisfaction in his own mail slot.

Michael Kenyon

Photo: Wikipedia

When you hear a nickname like “The Illinois Enema Bandit,” you know you’re in for some sick stuff. Michael Kenyon was a drifter who spent a decade breaking into women’s houses, robbing them of a single keepsake item and then administering enemas. He wore a ski mask to avoid being identified, but we can’t help but think asking around drugstores for frequent purchasers could have brought him to justice a little quicker.

What exactly he got out of rinsing out a lady’s digestive system is still a mystery, but Kenyon was finally caught in 1975 after multiple victims came forward. The IRS employee had even taken one target on a moving train. The Illinois Enema Bandit was immortalized by musician Frank Zappa in a song by the same name.

Jordan Haskins

The intersection of cars and sex is a potent one in American mythology – how many first times happen in sweaty back seats? – but “cranking” is a new one on us. Jordan Haskins is a former Michigan House candidate (Republican, of course) who was busted multiple times for doing something he referred to as “cranking.” The deviant sex practice involves breaking into cars and removing the spark plug wires, causing the engine to make bizarre noises and spark while idling. He’d then jerk off to this spectacle. Needless to say, he didn’t get elected, and in 2017 he was back on his bullcrap, accessing an auto dealership illegally and taking four cars for joyrides.

Charles Marshall

The thing with most of these perverted criminals is that they just don’t seem to ever learn their lesson. Plenty of people like kinky sex stuff, but they do it in the privacy of their own homes where nobody can see. And then there’s Charles Marshall, who has been arrested four times for the same damn thing: sticking his pecker into a teddy bear. His first arrest came in 2010, when he made love to a stuffed toy in a bathroom of an Ohio public library. Multiple others followed, each time with him convicted on misdemeanor charges, spending a little while in jail, and then set free to continue his journey into Teddy’s pleasure zones. We haven’t heard much from him since 2012, but hopefully he’s not in the crawlspace of a toy store somewhere.

David Truscott

Some perversions are relatively understandable – liking nice gams or big butts makes sense to us. But then there’s guys like David Truscott, who are obsessed with rolling around in huge piles of liquid cow manure. The British man was repeatedly arrested for invading a farm in Redruth, Cornwall for eight years, at first just stealing cow patties to make love to but then escalating to actually performing sex acts to poo on the premises. When the farm owners started hauling the slurry off to prevent his romance, Truscott embarked on a course of terrorism against them. He burned down a shed, set fire to a tractor and killed at least one cow. Courts gave him five years in jail.

 

Christopher Johnson

Photo: Yuji Susaki (Getty)

If there’s one thing researching this article has shown us, it’s that dudes will have sex with pretty much anything. Case in point: Stoke, UK man Christopher Johnson, who has been struck with a restraining order because he couldn’t stop himself from humping slides. In 2015, a judge issued a decree that Johnson was not allowed into any public location with a slide – playgrounds, pools, parks and the like – after multiple people reported seeing him strip nude and frantically bang several slides. What exactly the appeal is of a piece of slick metal is anybody’s guess, but dude should probably just buy one for his basement and get off in peace.

 

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