10 Questions That Zombie Movies Never Answer


1 Have these people never seen a zombie movie before

Every time a zombie apocalypse (or comparable outbreak) occurs, characters have to learn the “rules” of the zombies in that particular world. Does this mean no zombie movies exist in this universe? It’s a world where Night of the Living Dead never got made? But if that’s the case, have all other movies except zombie movies been made? Are these characters familiar with Godzilla movies and superhero movies, just nothing with zombies? What about movies that reference zombies but aren’t zombie movies?

Do vampire movies exist in this world? Was the Twilight series a worldwide phenomenon but people still have to be educated about the rules of these other fictitious undead creatures they’re encountering? No character is ever like, “oh yeah, zombie apocalypse — don’t get bit, blow up their heads, standard Zombie Rules. Yeah we got this.”

2 Does the word zombie exist in this world

If these characters are completely (rightfully) baffled by the sudden existence of zombies, can we conclude that the word “zombie” never existed in the universe of this world? Otherwise, why wouldn’t they immediately be like “hey guys, there’s zombies everywhere. You know, that standard word that exists? It was a fictitious concept but now it is real.”

Are “zombies” still enemies in Final Fantasy games? Could a really tired person at work describe themselves as a ‘total zombie’?

Did The Cranberries ever release the song “Zombie” in this world?? If not, did they still release “Linger” and “Dreams”? Is this a fictitious universe where The Cranberries still existed but had a marginally less successful career because their second album never had a breakout single? Or was a different song from that album a breakout single in this universe? Or was it the SAME song, just about werewolves or something?


While the entire Southern United States is a post-apocalyptic barren wasteland of destruction and backstabbing haphazard pseudo-gangs, is everything on Iceland just like, totally fine? Or did an infected person get on a plane or a boat to Iceland, start biting people, then the pilot landed the plane successfully and the infected people ran off the plane and ravaged the island society?

Surely there’s some islands that are totally fine, right? Are Madagascar and Papua New Guinea the new world superpowers? And if so, can they just go on living normally while knowing their closest terrestrial continents are overrun with swarms of the undead and tiny pockets of scrambling desperate survivors? Probably, right?

4 Wouldnt the first zombie be ALL OVER Twitter the news instantly

If an actual, regular human painted themselves green and started growling and biting people in a public square, video of this happening would be on Twitter INSTANTLY. It would be the top trending tag immediately, picked up by every news outlet with some weird hashtag (#GrandRapidsBiter ) followed by an instantaneous wake of comedians making sure no one was killed in the attack before rattling off every possible bite-related joke they could think of, eventually reaching like Level 17 of joke-irony (people knowingly tweeting “OMG IT IS LIKE MIKE TYSON YOU GUYS DO YOU GET IT #LOL #TWITTER”).

How could the zombie situation get from “one person / several people” to “majority of 6 billion person earth devastated” with today’s level of instant news coverage? Well, unless everyone taking cell phone vids of the zombie immediately got bitten, then the people trying to take videos of those people immediately got bitten, and so on, exponentially. Actually, that’s probably EXACTLY what happened in all these cases. Ok, scratch this question.

5 How long did it take the police military to mobilize

Any time there’s even the slightest possibility of public unrest or rioting, the entire police force lines up with like tanks and gatling guns and futuristic laser-firing MechWarriors pointed at citizens in case someone gets unruly and whips a beer can at a laundromat or something.

HOW FUCKING FAST do you think the military would be ready if a LITERAL ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE started happening? I mean, definitely slower if it were a white neighborhood, but they’d still get there.

6 What happens when people get regularsick

Could you imagine getting the flu in a group of zombie-apocalypse-survivors and having to convince everyone that you’re actually just regular sick, not in the early stages of zombifying? Then if you got everyone else sick, YOU wouldn’t know who to trust either, and you’d probably all end up arguing and coughing a lot then pre-emptively slaughtering one another until the only one left was the rational old man who’s now also sick. And he’s probably going mad and convincing himself he got bitten and is about to shoot himself before the end credits.

Just, drink a lot of emergen-c, zombie movie dudes. Store some in your crossbows and shit.

7 Why is everyone so careless with zombie blood

Ok, we’ve established that a single zombie scratch, bite, or drop of blood will instantly turn you into the walking dead forever. Having said that, now let’s go beat them with shovels at point blank range and retrieve crossbow bolts out of their faces with our bare hands! Also for good measure, I’m gonna dice some onions real fast using their withered skulls as a cutting board.

8 What happens to pets

Some zombie worlds cover this, while others conveniently ignore this question to avoid an avalanche of nonsequitors. Can dogs and cats become zombified? How bout non-mammals like birds and snakes? Fish? Animals at the zoo? Are there zombified komodo dragons and hippos on the loose? Insects? Microorganisms? If microorganisms can turn zombie & spread zombification, that’s a huge game-changer.

I’m certain The Walking Dead would’ve spent 27 episodes explaining this if Frank Darabont hadn’t been let go.

9 Is it REALLY that hard to just go somewhere and be fine

Maybe I’m naive but… do you know how much space there is?? There’s SO MUCH of it. Just grab some food and go somewhere where no one is for a while and come back out when all the zombies die. Is it really that hard?

Why aren’t all zombie movies just someone doing that in realtime for two hours??? Can’t imagine why.

10 Why is the TRUE monster always MAN

I want it to be the zombies.


10 Questions That Zombie Movies Never Answer

One reply on “10 Questions That Zombie Movies Never Answer”

For the last question… it’s because human CAN be the worst monsters.
I think people need zombies because it’s a common enemy that everyone around the world can completely hate and attempt to utterly destroy without guilt or repercussion.
A nice convenient target for everyone’s aggression, hate and fear without feeling like you’re actually killing humans.
But maybe that’s just me.

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