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10 Secrets So Intense They Could Only Be Told To Online Strangers –

 

 

“One time, I accidentally dropped the keys to my golf cart in a port-a-potty and had to stick my hand in there to fish them out. It was the afternoon and had been used all day by a huge tournament. I thought of just burning my arm off afterwards.”

-Sassy_Severus_Snape

 

 

“I tell people (if they ask) that I lost my top set of teeth to a genetic problem but the truth is I refused to brush them as a teenager and they all fell out in probably the worst way ever.

One day I was eating toast and my whole top set of teeth just bent out of my mouth with the bread. They didn’t even break, they just bent out and I had to have them removed by a less-than-impressed dentist.

I have to wear a denture now (I’m 30+) and forever too because wtf can afford implants? I’m really ashamed about that.

Brush your teeth people!”

-crochetprozac

 

 

“Since no one is going to see this, I have a balloon fetish.”

-NOVAVT

 

 

“When I was younger I pooped in a waterslide and saw my poop floating the entire day in the pool on the end of the slide.”

-hookersteg

 

 

“I draw My Little Pony porn for a living. It’s an awesome job and I love doing it. You make people happy, they give you boatloads of money.

I can’t talk about it at all in real life though. I just say “I’m a freelance artist” and if they ask for examples, I’ve got a folder on my phone/comp filled with safe stuff.

Nothing is more fun than popping out some top tier porn though and getting boatloads of praise and feedback. When I was just doing normal art, you got a few comments and compliments. With porn? People shower you with praise and money like you are the god of sex or something.

You can’t use regular art, but you can use porn.”

-Venerablehasibash

 

 

“I won $250k in the lottery. Don’t want my family to know because they will ask for money, lol!”

-RepulsiveStrawberry

 

 

“I was giving my cat a belly rub and it jizzed all over my hand.”

-Pughara

 

 

“When I was in high school, I was at a carnival with 2 good friends of mine. We were running around and started to get a bit rowdy. When the 3 of us got tangled up and fell over, one of my friends bit a wart off my hand and blood started gushing everywhere. Everywhere. It didn’t hurt me literally at all, but I had to put on an Oscar-worthy performance and pretend it hurt like all hell.

I saw that as far more preferable than looking her in the eyes and telling her that she ate a wart off my hand.”

-zappy_maca

 

 

“When I was in elementary school I stole all the balls out of the computer lab mouses and threw them into the creek behind the school. The computer lab was closed for the rest of the school year because apparently it wasn’t in the budget to buy 40 new mouses.

I still feel like an asshole 19 years later.”

-SausageGobbler69

 

 

“I evacuated my elementary school with a single fart.

In elementary school, I used to fake-sick all the time to stay home. Eventually my mom decided the only way I could stay home was if I had a fever because I’ve “cried wolf” too many times.

One morning in 6th grade I had a killer stomach ache, and tried my hardest to convince my mom to let me stay home by crying my eyes out. She said “no fever, no home-day”. So I sat in class, trying my hardest not to cry. (Side note: I’m notorious for having horrible farts, each one is seriously like a jar of sulfur with rotten eggs inside that was baking in the sun for 6 hours. I blame my grandma cause her farts smell just like mine.)

Anyway, I’m sitting in class, when I feel a fart coming. I hold it for over a minute but it doesn’t go away, so I finally decide to release and hope for the best. Luckily it was silent, but A LOT of gas came out. Instantly I felt better, but then I caught a wiff of it and almost gagged. It didn’t smell like my normal farts but I could still tell it was mine. The girl next to me smells it, stands up and walks backwards, looking everywhere with a disgusted face. My class looks at her all confused, then my fart hits the kid in front of me and he screams “EEEWWWW!!! WHAT IS THAT SMELL??!?!??!” My teacher walks over to the kid, but before he gets to him he smells it, and his face tenses up. He pauses before saying “Alright everyone, it smells like a gas leak. I need you all to cover your noses with your shirts and walk to the field, just like a fire drill.” So we all stand up, cover our faces, and walk to the field. My teacher closes the door behind us and runs down to the administrative office.

We’re sitting on the grass when the school’s fire alarms go off. I watch all these people, all my friends, coming out. I hear multiple sirens approaching, and just watch as two fire trucks and one ambulance arrive. I just watch, in pure embarrassment, as firefighters in full gear walk into the school, presumably heading to my classroom to run tests.

All the parents were called, and most came down and took their kid home by the time school was supposed to get out. My mom came, signed me out, and on the way home she said “What an eventful day! I bet you’re sure glad you went to school today, aren’t ‘cha?”

I vowed to myself that I would never feel embarrassment like that again, by sharing this story. But given the anonymity, I feel like this can be an exception.”

-Zanthom19

 

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