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10 SONGS YOU NEVER REALIZED WERE SUPER CREEPY

 

There are some songs that we all know are inappropriate or creepy. They don’t really try and hide it. However, there are others that are so subtle in their message that we sing along to them all the time without even realizing what we’re saying. Just be prepared to never be able to look at some of your favorite songs the same way ever again.

1. Adele – “Hello”

We all know Adele can write a breakup song like no other, but this one definitely doesn’t fit under that category. It’s basically about dumping someone and completely breaking their heart; then YEARS later when you start randomly feeling guilty about it, trying to force the person you dumped to forgive you and give you closure.

She thinks she’s called around a thousand times asking him to get together and go over a breakup from years ago. Then she has the nerve to guilt him over it!

I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

Oh, sorry. “Hey guys I can’t hang out tonight. Remember the girl that dumped me in 2007? Yeah, the one that I cried about for weeks. Well she won’t stop calling me and wants a recap of our breakup, so I’m gonna do that for the next seven hours instead.” Nice try, Adele. (full lyrics here)

2. Drake – “Hotline Bling”

You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing “Hotline Bling” or get online without seeing some sort of parody of his video, but the song is just ridiculous. Drake apparently had this girl that he would hook up with whenever he was in town, but she seems to have finally become tired of it and moved on without him, leaving Drake completely baffled. He talks about how she used to just stay at home and be a good girl, which is an appropriate statement if you’re talking to a Golden Retriever but not a person. The only time they really talked was late at night for booty calls, but now that she’s decided she wants more than a hookup bro, Drake finds it unacceptable. He’s even upset he doesn’t know the girls she’s going out with. Calm down, dude. (full lyrics here)

3. Lady Gaga – “Just Dance”
10 Songs You Never Realized Were Super Creepy
Lady Gagas first hit single felt like such an ordinary pop song, but the lyrics are much more troubling than you probably realize. The song is about a girl that either got way too drunk or possibly drugged at a club. She can’t find her keys or her phone and the whole room is spinning. Her shirt is now inside out, which suggests that she may have been sexually assaulted. All of this sounds like a living nightmare and something you should try and get away from immediately. But what’s Lady Gaga’s advice in that situation? Just dance. Yep, don’t worry about what’s happening around you or that you might be in danger. Just keep dancing. Hooray for the club! (full lyrics here)

4. Michael Bolton – “How Am I Supposed To Live Without You”
10 Songs You Never Realized Were Super Creepy
This is probably my favorite creepy song because it’s been around for so long and no one really talks about its incredible creepy factor. Michael Bolton finds out this girl that he’s good friends with has fallen in love with someone else and is making long-term plans. He’s like, “Oh cool, that’s great. Hey just one thing, though. Uh, I’M GONNA FREAKING KILL MYSELF IF YOU DO THAT!” That’s right, old Mikey has been secretly lying low in the friend zone all these years, never making a move, and building up all these fantasies in his mind, but now that they’re not happening, he’s losing his mind and may possibly murder her. He ends it with saying:

And I don’t wanna know the price I’m
gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it’s more than I can take

OK, he’s definitely about to kill her, right? (full lyrics here)

5. Katy Perry – “Last Friday Night”

Katy Perry loves telling fans to live life like there’s no tomorrow and spend their rent money on bottle service, which is an easy thing for a millionaire to say. Being fiscally irresponsible is one thing, but “Last Friday Night” is a whole other level of spreading terrible messages. The whole song plays out like an episode of “Law & Order: SVU,” but, you know, in a fun way! She wakes up next to a stranger, covered in alcohol and possibly in bruises. Sounds like a chill night! Then she talks about how she blacked out and pictures of her that’ll ruin her life ended up on the Internet. Her response: Oh well.

After that she goes into this Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas-type blur where she maxes out her credit card, breaks multiple laws, has a threesome, gets her car towed and may be wanted by local law enforcement. Is this an event that’ll make her change her ways? Nope! She declares that next Friday they’ll do it all again! Enjoy that message, kids! (full lyrics here)

6. One Direction – “Perfect”
10 Songs You Never Realized Were Super Creepy
My friend Max Landis first introduced this song to me, along with the creepy lyrics that mostly go unnoticed because we’re too busy singing, “Oh baby I’m perfect for you.” Well, there are a few stipulations to the members of One Direction being perfect for you. They start off by telling you what a terrible boyfriend they’d be to you. They’ll never bring flowers or meet your parents or even treat you well. Actually they’re not good at keeping promises either, so you’re probably going to end up getting cheated on quite a bit. But you know what they are? Rich and famous! That’s right, they’ll fly you around the world and have secret hookups with you! Isn’t that nice? Here’s my favorite part:

I might never be the hands you put your heart in
Or the arms that hold you any time you want them
But that don’t mean that we can’t live here in the moment
‘Cause I can be the one you love from time to time

Wow, what a promise! “I’m not really gonna be there for you, but we can bang from time to time.” Thanks guys! (full lyrics here)

7. The Beatles – “Ticket to Ride”
10 Songs You Never Realized Were Super Creepy
“Ticket to Ride,” on paper, sounds like a sad song about a girlfriend moving away and causing the relationship to come to an end, but that’s not the case. The term “ticket to ride” was actually a term John Lennon was using to refer to German prostitutes. They’d carry up to date medical cards with them to prove that they were disease free, so it was their “ticket to ride.” That means that the song is actually about a guy being really sad because his girlfriend is breaking up with him to become a prostitute. (full lyrics here)

8. Bruno Mars – “When I Was Your Man”

I’ll admit I’m a sucker for Bruno Mars songs as much as anyone else, but so many of them are just absurd. Remember “Gorilla,” where he just brags about how good he is at sex for four minutes? Dude, you’re like 4’1″. Settle down. “When I Was Your Man” is the weirdest, though. It’s this really sweet song about all the things he wishes he had done for this girl when they were together. That’s a nice sentiment, but then he mentions that she’s with someone else now. And instead of just wishing her the best and fading away, he starts singing about how he hopes this new guy buys her flowers and holds her hand and takes her to parties because he remembers how much she loves to dance.

He says he hopes this guy does everything that he should have done. I’m sure the guy that’s dating her now is just thrilled about the whole thing. Here he is just doing his best to make her happy and freaking Bruno Mars swoops in and starts serenading her with all the mistakes he made in their relationship. Go ruin your next relationship and leave them alone, Bruno. (full lyrics here)

9. Salt n Pepa – “Shoop”

It’s not that the whole song is creepy or inappropriate. There’s really just one line, but that single line is so bad it’s astonishing it made it onto the album and that the song actually became a hit single. You know the part where the guy walks up and starts doing his verse about how good he is at sex? Toward the end he mentions that he’s going to have sex with them so hard that it’ll have them “sounding like a retard.” If that wasn’t bad enough, right after the line someone in the background makes a horribly offensive sound that’s supposed to be their impression of a mentally handicapped person. Can you imagine being in the studio the day they recorded those sound effects? (full lyrics here)

10. Oingo Boingo – “Little Girls”
10 Songs You Never Realized Were Super Creepy
OK, maybe not all songs are as subtle about it as the rest of the ones on the list, but seriously, how was this a hit track? It’s a song about loving little girls because they don’t ask questions or complain about his one-way mirror or his cold exterior, whatever that means. Then it takes an even darker turn when he starts freaking out saying he made a mistake and he’s in trouble because “the little girl was just too little.” This is just about as creepy as it gets. (full lyrics here)

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