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Men don’t have the mojo they used to. You can tell just by opening your eyes. Recent evidence points to it being an empirical reality. Testosterone, the anabolic ball sauce, has seen a 22 percent decrease from 1987 to 2005 — a 1 percent drop per year. No one really knows why. Even scientists can’t figure it out. Since all we can do is speculate, I’d like to toss a few theories out into the ring.

Don’t confuse me for a men’s rights activist. I have no agenda and I certainly don’t blame women. You won’t read these reasons in a scientific journal or a men’s health magazine, so take it for what it is: nothing more than an honest conversation you might have with your boys in a bar.

1. Estrogen — it’s what’s for dinner.
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In the last 70 years or so, a thing called xenoestrogen hit the market. They put it in nearly everything, including plastics, pesticides, dairy products, preservatives, food dye, skin creams, sunscreens, shampoos, toothpastes and soy. It’s an “estrogen mimicker.” As we all know, estrogen causes man boobs and late night pillow-crying.

Almost diabolically, they never include xenoestrogen on the labels. Chemical, industrial and agricultural companies added it into the mix to turn a profit, and experts say it has an almost identical effect as estrogen itself. It’s like injecting good old-fashioned motherly anxiety in your blood. And because it’s ubiquitous, it’s nearly impossible to avoid it. Of all the reasons males of the 21st century have lost their “swaggy,” this is the one to keep your eye on.

2. Less heavy metal, more Ed Sheeran.
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A study published in the Journal of Infant Development showed that moms who listened to Iron Maiden and Metallica for 25 minutes a day gave their fetuses an 18 percent increase in prenatal testosterone. It may come as a shock to no one, but music has been castrated over the past few decades. While one could only imagine the deleterious effects chronic Coldplay exposure could have on a young adolescent mind, science suggests that even in utero certain types of music negatively affect testosterone.

3. Misandry became cool.
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The Atlantic says it’s “The End of Men.” Time says “Men Are Obsolete.” The Wall Street Journal says “Guys Are the New Ball and Chain.” Classic masculinity is now toxic. To be fair, I understand that before 1960, society was rife with what is today considered sexist undertones. But the pendulum has swung so far back that it’s knocked our testicles into our bellies.

And then there’s the gleeful cheers from an audience for Lorena Bobbitt on the Steve Harvey Show; not to mention the ladies on “The Talk” laughing over yet another dude who faced the wrath of a woman’s knife. When the mainstream media constantly pounds the message into your head that you don’t even deserve your penis, some men start to believe it. And they begin to hate themselves.

4. Endemic ball drainage.
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Porn. We all use it. There’s no shame in it. But chronic masturbation tends to bring down your T levels. A study out of China said male testosterone peaks after seven days of not choking the chicken. I wasn’t alive for this, but I’ve been told men used to have to meet in the middle of the woods at midnight to exchange pictures of a woman’s nipple. Now they can watch the filthiest, most disgusting material known to humanity whenever they want. So ball drainage (I believe this is the scientific term) becomes a daily — and hormonally taxing — activity.

5. Softer living.
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The truth is, every generation before it lived a grittier life. Today, we feel entitled to what our predecessors worked so hard to achieve, and now our fight is gone.

Unfortunately, fighting for something is what makes us men. Teenagers don’t build up that love to fight because robots and 40-year-olds took their jobs. As a result, the “Basement Generation” became a subculture. Here’s how Urban Dictionary defines a basement dweller: “A male over the age of eighteen, usually with no formal education, who lives at home with his parents and has no ambition to move out or contribute to society. His will to live is sucked by his daily marijuana regiment.” You probably know a few close friends who fit that bill.

JFK once posed, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” This maxim has turned into, “Ask for takeout while you play ‘World of Warcraft’ under the assumption that being the leader of your clan is busy work.”

6. “We’re consumers.” -a demoralized Edward Norton in “Fight Club”
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After WWII, our soldiers came home to a flourishing economy. Between 1945 and 1949, “Americans purchased 20 million refrigerators, 21.4 million cars and 5.5 million stoves,” according to PBS. As our economy became evermore saturated with products — both useful and superfluous — we became saturated with the idea that everything was ours for the taking. The window to innovate became smaller and smaller. Today, most of us are consumers, as opposed to our true nature of being producers.

What does producing have to do with general manliness? Purpose. If you have a purpose to build something useful for society, you feel useful in yourself.

7. Bieber hijacked “swagger.”
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Once upon a time, men looked like men. They were comfortable in their own skin. Take, for instance, John Wayne. The guy was physically average at best. But back then it wasn’t about that; it was about the quiet, self-assured way in which some carried himself. Go to any college campus today and witness the slumped-shouldered, greasy-haired manboys in sweats perspire as they consider asking that cute girl out in class. In the days of Wayne, there was no hesitation. Now you’re nervous.

Hell, even women used to be more manly.

There’s a monopoly on “swagger” now. And it’s owned by the wrong folks. If the standard is a diminutive Canadian with a diamond stud and a penchant for bro tats, there isn’t much hope for the common man to relate. A study out of Britain suggests that men have lost their “sexual swagger,” and the Biebs and his ilk are to blame.

8. Our sperm cells are dying.
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Danish researchers found a 50 percent fall in global sperm counts from 1940 to 1990. To put it bluntly, lower quality sperm means lower quality spawn. Published in the British Medical Journal, this study was deemed a “serious public health warning.” Another study from France noticed just about the same from 1989 to 2005. This could have something to do with No. 1.

9. Man products.
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Does this guy look like he uses a light exfoliant before bedtime? Male cosmetics is an oxymoron.

10. No fathers in the house.
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The absence of men in the house has led to a serious void of man-training. There are less fathers (and because parents are now having less children, less brothers) present to teach the behaviors necessary for success. And I don’t mean just success in the workforce — I’m referring to success in winning a mate, harnessing myriad skills and accumulating all the ingredients for a healthy male life. Without someone to (metaphorically) kick our asses when we’re young, we go into the world with blinders on.




I’m on board. Not saying these are the reasons, but I agree that being a man aint’ what it used to be. Same with women. Men aren’t as manly and women aren’t as lady like…on average.

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