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10 Things Only People Who Are Always Right Will Understand

10 Things Only People Who Are Always Right Will Understand


I am always right. I know, you’re like “hot damn, I wish I could always be right”. And while you can’t, because I am, just know that it’s hard always being right! There are so many struggles involved that wrong people just don’t seem to get. Here are 10 things that only people who are ALWAYS RIGHT will understand.


1) I’m not going to make a claim if I haven’t really thought about it


I know more about this than you. I’m not one of those people who goes around sharing my opinions willy-nilly if they’re unfounded. I don’t have an opinion on Ghostbusters, because I haven’t seen it. I am brave like that.


2) I have evidence


I can easily back up my assertions with facts and statistics from balanced sources. You just have a blog post some dude wrote inspired by YouTube videos.


3) “You’re wrong” is not a valid form of argument

The other day on Facebook someone seriously tried to argue with me by saying, “You are wrong. You are so wrong.” America, we have to do better than that. That is pathetic. Tell me why you think I’m wrong, so I can destroy you piece by piece.


4) You aren’t allowed to disagree about facts


I have a friend who disagrees with me about facts and it drives me insane. She said something about racial diversity in America, I told her that because of demographic changes, there won’t be an ethnic majority in the United States by around 2040. She says, “I think there will always be an ethnic majority.” Well, no. You don’t get to just think facts aren’t what they are. Those are the demographic trends. Unless white people start popping out waaaaay more babies and most Latinos go on a vow of celibacy, this country won’t have a racial majority in a few decades. This isn’t about values, it doesn’t matter how you feel about it, it’s a f*cking fact.


5) It’s so frustrating when people won’t just accept that you’re right

I proved you wrong. I showed you my evidence, you showed me your (complete lack of) evidence. I calmly explained why I’m right. You responded, “I don’t think so” or “you’re wrong”. I know you have your pride but seriously just give up on this one.


6) People say “agree to disagree” when they’re wrong

There are certainly times when people can agree to disagree. I like dubstep, maybe you don’t, there’s no right answer here, agree to disagree. But so frequently someone will spout some utter nonsense and when you tell them the facts they say, “agree to disagree”. No, I won’t. I will agree that you are wrong and just don’t want to admit it. I will also agree that f*ck you get out of my face.


7) People who are wrong all the time think they are right all the time


This one is a paradox. How do you know which one you are? Well, I know I’m right all the time, because I am. I have a friend from high school who regularly posts ridiculous things online while calling everyone who disagrees with him (that’s like 99% of people because his opinions are insane) stupid idiots. I’m sorry, I’m not a stupid idiot because I don’t think that the election is rigged by the Illuminati so that Barack Obama never has to leave office. That does not make me a stupid idiot.


8) It’s so lonely being right all the time

It’s hard being us, the right people. Oh Lord. It is a blessing and a curse.


9) Part of being right all the time is admitting when I’m wrong

Some issues I am open to being persuaded on. If I get something wrong and you can convince me, then I will change my mind. That still counts as always being right.


10) Every now and then I have to pretend someone else is right just to be nice


My mom told me once that I care more about being right than being nice. And Jesus, she was right. It just took me a while to decide that being nice is even more valuable than being right. So sometimes I’ll let you think you’ve won, or I’ll give up arguing with someone whose idea of a good debate is to call you a butthead and never back it up with peer-reviewed studies. Fine. But I’m being nice. Because in my heart, I know I’m right. And what I know is a lot more important than what you know.

Are you right all the time? Wow, that’s amazing. We must have all the same opinions. You seem cool. But are you lonely being right all the time up there in your ivory tower of journalistic sources?


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