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10 WEDDINGS THAT WENT HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG

 

It’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life, when you’re bonded with your soulmate under the eyes of God and the law in eternal matrimony. But as anybody who’s ever been to a wedding can tell you, it’s also a magnet for disaster. All kinds of things can go wrong when two hearts become one, and in this feature we’ll share 10 tales of incredible misery at weddings. If you’re looking for a reason to continue your bachelor lifestyle, read on.

Groom Killed By A Beer Glass

Glass of beer on bar.
Glass of beer on bar.

 

There are plenty of ways to die on your wedding day, but this story from Brazil might be the single weirdest one we’ve ever heard. At the raucous reception following the marriage of Fabio Jefferson Maciel to Geise Guimaraes in Rio de Janeiro, the party went until nearly the break of dawn. At two in the morning, as Maciel was clowning around with a young bridesmaid, he tripped and fell to the ground. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but the happy husband was for some reason carrying a beer glass in his pants pocket, and when he hit the ground it shattered and a piece of glass lanced the femoral artery in his leg, causing massive bleeding instantly. Paramedics couldn’t arrive in time to save his life.

Bridal Bouquet Causes Plane Crash

Bride holding bouquet of red roses, mid section (focus on roses)
Bride holding bouquet of red roses, mid section (focus on roses)

 

The throwing of the bouquet is one of the most popular wedding traditions, with the woman who catches it supposedly next in line to get married. But at a wedding in the Italian town of Suvereto, a stray flower toss led to a more dramatic climax. Instead of throwing the flowers in the traditional manner, the couple hired a microlight aircraft to swoop over the crowd and toss the bouquet down. Pretty dramatic, yes, but the plan went awry when the flowers were sucked into the engine and caught on fire. The pilot lost control of the plane and crashed into a nearby hostel, severely injuring one passenger. Thankfully, there weren’t any casualties — except the bouquet.

Couple Gets Tasered

A police taser with copy-space.
A police taser with copy-space.

 

It’s hard to keep your emotions in check on your wedding day, but you gotta try. At the Lakeside, Michigan, wedding of Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska, things started off pretty normally. The beachside ceremony was beautiful and dignified, the couple looked lovely and the vows were romantic. Then they headed to a local gallery for the reception and everything went wrong. Guests started to get wild, with one throwing a lamp through a plate-glass window, and the gallery owner called the cops. When they got there, the groom had some angry words for the officers, who responded by blasting him with a taser. Since he was holding his new wife’s hand at the time, they both got shocked, and the police took the couple in and they spent their wedding night in separate holding cells.

Dock Collapse

A dock leading to a calm lake on a misty summer morning.
A dock leading to a calm lake on a misty summer morning.

 

Everybody knows that weddings are all about the photo opportunities — despite the fact that most people rarely if ever look at their nuptial shots after the event. So when a photographer got Dan and Jackie Anderson onto an aging dock in Crosslake, Minnesota, with their 20 bridesmaids and groomsmen, it was a recipe for disaster. The structure couldn’t handle the combined weight of all that humanity and it rapidly sunk into the water, soaking everybody except for a few of the bridesmaids who managed to get off in time. Being dripping wet when you recite your vows isn’t the way you want to get a marriage started, but the couple took it in reasonably good humor.

Bare Boobs Arrest

Germany, Bavaria, Tegernsee, Abandoned wedding shoes on jetty
Germany, Bavaria, Tegernsee, Abandoned wedding shoes on jetty

 

Now that gay marriage is the law of the land, same-sex couples have the same opportunities as the rest of us to completely humiliate themselves in front of friends and family. At the 2010 lesbian wedding of Nicola Hutin and Sharon Hancox, the lager was flowing freely and blushing bride Hancox was pounding it back. She downed eight pints at the reception, held at a Swansea bar, and then when the bouncer attempted to eject the rowdy party she pulled the top of her dress down to expose her breasts and attacked him with a high-heeled shoe. Police were called and Hancox spent her wedding night in jail.

Rifle Shot Kills Groom’s Father

gritty military rifle cartridges on dirty table
gritty military rifle cartridges on dirty table

 

The custom of shooting off guns to celebrate a blessed event seems more and more inappropriate every year, but when Shekha Patel got married in Jandla, India, earlier this year the absolute worst-case scenario happened. After Patel tied the knot, a group of eight riflemen unloaded into the air. Trigger discipline, though, wasn’t something they covered at the rehearsal, and one of the men lowered his weapon when reloading and accidentally pulled the trigger. He still had a bullet in the chamber, and it fired at point-blank range intothe skull of the groom’s father, killing him instantly.

Pit Bull Attack

Close up view looking into the sad eyes of a Staffordshire bull Terrier dog contained within a kennel.
Close up view looking into the sad eyes of a Staffordshire bull Terrier dog contained within a kennel.

 

Uninvited guests can be a big problem at weddings, but this is ridiculous. Joel Neverez was actually on the list for the wedding of Brittany Schults and Jose Cortez-Trinidad. An old friend of the bride, he had struggled with mental illness in the past, and when he exchanged words with Schults at the reception, he stormed off in anger. Neverez returned a short while later with his dog, a pit bull terrier mix, that he released on the new bride. The animal knocked her to the ground and started dragging her around by the hair as Nevarez punched her with brass knuckles, laughing maniacally. He fled the scene and posted a number of menacing messages to Facebook before being arrested.

Bride’s Joke Cancels Wedding

Bridal reception table

It can be hard to keep a straight face when you’re up there in front of just about everybody you know, but blushing bride Tina Albrecht probably should have kept her sense of humor in check at her 2007 wedding to Dietmar Koch. When the registrant asked if she took Koch as her husband, she jokingly said, “I don’t,” looking to get a laugh from the crowd. Unfortunately for her, Austria has a law preventing forced marriages, which meant that the ceremony could not continue and the duo couldn’t try again for 10 weeks. All of the guests had to be sent home, and needless to say nobody was very happy about the mistimed attempt at comedy.

Bride Arrested For Fraud

Close up of metal handcuffs

Police in Michigan had been on the trail of Tammy Lee Hinton for an identity theft charge for three years, but when they discovered she’d be getting married the opportunity arose to bring her in. The 53-year-old woman had fled to Florida, but a tip came in that she was returning to Michigan for her wedding and police staked out the City of Zion Ministries church, swooping in as the new bride walked out the front door with her husband, clapping her in handcuffs and taking her to jail. Her husband posted bail the same day, but I’m sure Hinton had a lot of explaining to do.

Russian Roulette

Lots of wine glasses during some festive event
Lots of wine glasses during some festive event

 

Open bars are one of the best reasons to go to weddings, but sometimes guests knock down a little too much and things get wild. In 2010, a reception in Astrakhan, Russia, went pretty nightmarishly wrong when a friend of the groom gave a toast where he pretended to play Russian roulette with a supposedly empty gun. The toast got big laughs, but the laughter died when he passed the weapon to another guest, who put it up to his head and pulled the trigger. Nothing ruins a wedding dress quite like having brains splattered all over it, and even worse, the whole thing was captured on video.

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