11 Beloved Characters Who Are Actually The F*cking Worst

Tweety Bird from Looney Tunes. Smug little bastard. Always despised him and felt bad for Sylvester.

Thomas the Tank Engine.

Never realised as a kid, but now I’m a dad and I’ve had to sit through all the episodes, just about everyone is about a situation arising from Thomas being an entitled douchebag.

Peter Pan

-Cut off the hand of a man and fed it to a crocodile as a joke.

-Kidnaps children by luring them with “adventure” and keeps them against their better judgement.

• Fucks all the mermaids until he finds another bottom bitch.
• Publicly humiliates whoever opposes him just to prove a very weak point.

Motherfucker’s colder than any Samuel Jackson character combined and he’s barely past 11.

Goldilocks. There’s a longer ending where the bears go to kill her and end up killing the wrong family because she was still going into people’s houses.

Glinda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz

She’s pretty and she pretends to be Dorothy’s friend, but she makes Dorothy the target of a vendetta by magically putting shoes onto Dorothy’s feet that rightfully belong to someone else. Then she disappears through all the trouble, showing up at the end to say ‘Yeah you had the power to get home all the while. Why didn’t I tell you? You wouldn’t have believed me…”

Real troublemaker, there.

Peppa Pig is a brat who thinks she’s better than everyone at everything!

The Man with the Yellow Hat from Curious George.

Not dealing with the fact he somehow obtained a monkey and is raising him in the city, but he leaves it alone and treats him like a child. How any of his scientist friends or Service people do not take him away.

Tigger!

Complete and total prick.

Eeyore spends his whole morning careful building his modest home, built entirely from twigs, all by himself. He doesn’t bother anyone and really just needs a good friend to put his arm around him.

Then along comes Tigger! He comes bouncing along with no regard for anybody else. Completely ruins Eeyore’s house by barrelling into it at full speed. He never apologises, never offers to help Eeyore rebuild it. And then to make it worse he begins bouncing around again and what does he hit this time? Eeyore himself! He knocks Eeyore straight over…arse over head. Does his stupid laugh and then bounces off again!

Then he encounters Rabbit. A rabbit who although grumpy provides a valuable service for Hundred Acre Wood by growing fruit and vegetables presumably for the other residents of said wood and for a Pooh bear who’s diet it seems consists entirely of honey. Anyway…Rabbit is tending to his garden, minding his own business and then along bounces Tigger. Flys into Rabbit, sending him and his rake flying! Disrupts the production of crops for the entire community then again laughs and bounces away.

If someone came to where you lived, pushed you over, knocked over your house and then destroyed your crops and food supply you’d be furious! Tigger also has the audacity to sing a song about how wonderful he is and yet the only reason he can come up with is because he’s the only one! I for one am glad he is the only one and i’ll never understand why he’s so beloved…complete and utter prick!

End rant/

Ted Moseby. How long did he trap his kids with that story anyway?

The Phantom of the Opera. When I was a teenager, I thought it was such a romantic story. As an adult, you realize it’s basically Twilight: The Musical.

A dark tortured soul who is so misunderstood becomes obsessed with a young, ingénue woman, terrorizing her and ultimately seducing her through manipulation and coercion. Even though she loves someone else, he feels entitled to her love and her hand in marriage. This guy sucks. The audience is supposed to feel bad for the Phantom because he’s so very tortured, but that’s no reason to be a dick to everybody.

Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Motherfucker just sits around on his ass, letting Charlie’s mom slave away day in and day out to put fucking cabbage water on the table, fucking hides money from her so he can buy a god damn candy bar, and then as soon as he sees the prospect of free shit it turns out he was fucking able-bodied the whole time. Then he encourages Charlie to break his contract with Wonka by stealing the fizzy lifting drink, and when Wonka has the nerve to enforce the contract, Joe wants Charlie to fuck him over by selling trade secrets to Slugworth.

Honestly fuck Grandpa Joe.