11 Places Where Sex Is Never Really Safe

“Safe sex,” usually means protecting yourself against stds, but for these people it is about not dying during the act.

In a Running Car Parked in a Garage

sex in car 

Hey, getting busy in your car with your special lady friend sounds like a lot of fun. Unfortunately, there are some people who don’t live near any secluded outdoor spaces where they can park and do their thing without getting arrested. And even more unfortunately, some of these people decide to just do the deed with their car parked in the garage. And, most unfortunately of all, some of these people forget that, if you leave your car running while parked in a closed garage, you will die of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Outside…on the Serengeti

lion embarrassed
 Another place it’s fun to knock boots? Outside under the stars. However, not all outdoor areas are safe for fornication. And some, like the African wilderness, are flat out deadly.

Unfortunately, this past March, one woman learned this lesson the hard way. Her name was Sharai Mawera, and she was getting it on with a male associate outside in the bush when a lion attacked and killed her.

The lesson? Don’t have sex near lions.

On a Balcony

balcony sex
 I’ll be the first to admit that having sex on a balcony sounds like fun, so I wouldn’t say you should never do it. However, when partaking in such an activity, you must take precautions. Make sure, for example, that you remain seated at all times. That is key. And, even more importantly, do not in any way involve the railing of the balcony in your love-making.

In 2006, a Houston woman and her boss were supposedly expressing their mutual attraction to each other on the balcony of a Los Angeles hotel room when, after changing positions, the woman fell over the railing to her death.

Of course, the man eventually went on trial for murder because the coroner didn’t believe his story. But a jury of his peers declared him innocent in 2002, so we have no other choice but to (kind of) believe his story.

Up Against a Window

couple having sex against window
 Another place not to have sex? Up against the window. I’m not being prudish or anything. If you want to put on a show for your neighbors, hey, whatever. I just wouldn’t trust that the window can support your weight. After all, a window in an apartment building in China didn’t support the weight of a local couple when they were leaning on it earlier this summer. It gave way, and the naked pair fell to their extremely untimely deaths.

On an Inclined Roof…in the Rain

roof sex
 Sex on the roof? Well, you might encounter some legal issues, but it can certainly be safe. However, if you want to do it, be like the couple photographed here on the USC campus. Do not be like the couple who decided to make love on a slanted pyramid shaped roof (after a rain) on the campus of the University of South Carolinacampus back in 2007. They both fell, and they both died.

In a Van Down by the River

car in river

I’ve already scared you away from having sex in your running car parked while it’s parked in your garage. Now, you’ll probably just go try to park somewhere secluded for your automotive action—and that’s good. But here’s another word of warning: always apply the parking break.

In Yorkshire, England, back in 2002, a couple parked their car overlooking a river and began engaging in some backseat lovemaking. However, they did not apply the parking break, and sadly the car rolled over an embankment and into the river. Both died.

At an Orgy with Lots of Viagra


“Hey, sweet, I’m at an orgy! What could possibly go wrong?” Well, I’ll tell you what could go wrong. A couple of hot orgy chicks could make a wager that there’s no way you could have sex for 12 straight hours. Then you, having your virility called into doubt, might accept this challenge, down a bunch of Viagra, and get to work.

Then you might die of a heart attack, just like Sergey Tuganov of Russia in 2009. He actually won the bet, having made love for 12 hours straight at an orgy. But shortly thereafter the guy keeled over and died. It seems that taking a bottle full of Viagra and humping for half a day without rest puts quite the strain on your heart.

In a Chicken Coop

chicken coop 

Now, chances are you would probably never have sex in a chicken coop in a million years, because that’s just gross. However, I thought I’d mention the tragic case of a 53-year-old Chinese man named Lu, anyway.

You see, a few years ago Lu was watching some adult entertainment on his laptop in his bedroom and decided he needed to take some action to relieve the built-up tension. However, for reasons unknown, Lu also decided that, instead of just getting the job done in the comfort of said bedroom, he’d go outside to the chicken coop. Once there, his elevated heart rate combined with the extreme cold combined to produce a fatal myocardial infarction.

On a Hydraulic Piano

piano sex

In 1983, a bouncer at the famous Condor Club in San Francisco decided to have a little fun with his girlfriend after everyone had gone home for the night—er, morning.

What did that fun entail, you ask? Why, having sex on the piano that lowers from the ceiling, of course.

Unfortunately, while engaged in said act of love, they somehow engaged the lift that raised the piano, and the bouncer was crushed to death with his lover underneath him.

The lesson? If you want to have sex on a piano, make sure it’s not one attached to a hydraulic lift that raises it up off the ground.

At a Horse Stable…with a Horse

horse stable

Kenneth Pinyan was just a regular guy who worked as an engineer for Boeing outside Seattle. The only really unusual thing about him? After work he liked to pay a visit to his local horse stable and, you know, have sex with the horses. Or, actually, somehow get the horses to have sex with him. (No, I don’t know how he made that happen.)

Well, as it turns out, this is a pretty batsh•t insane thing to do. And one day, one of his equine encounters ruptured some internal something or other and caused him to bleed to death.

Near (or with) a Hornets Nest

man dies having sex with hornets nest

The last place it’s always unsafe to get busy? Near a hornets nest—especially if by “near a hornets nest” you’re actually thinking “with a hornets nest.”

Earlier this year in Sweden, police discovered the dead body of 35-year-old man on his farm. After having a look around, and noticing the fact the he was swollen like a balloon, they determine that he had been having sex with a hornets nest and pissed off the hornets.

The lesson? Don’t do that.


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