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Sometimes, our minds just glaze over when the commercials are on. We love our TV, and so any interruptions are generally unwelcome. That’s why advertising companies so often enlist the help of A- (or B- or C- or Z-) list celebrities to shill their tonics or miracle elixirs. (People still sell those out of traveling carriages, right?) Here are 11 ridiculous celebrity endorsement deals.

Soda Shaq

endorsement deals shaq
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Do you want to be like a gigantic basketball player that starred in his very own Super Nintendo game as well as most Adam Sandler movies? No? Oh. Well. I wasn’t expecting that answer. If you DO, though, you could at least take the first step by testing out Shaq’s very own line of soda pop! It may not make you any better at free throws (SPORTS!), but just look at that packaging! Come for the delicious beverage, stay for the giant Shaq head on the can.

Muhammad Ali Roach Traps

endorsement deals ali
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He floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee, but did you know that the former Cassius Clay also peddled roach traps? In quite possibly the least glamorous endorsement in history, Muhammad Ali became a spokesman for d-CON roach traps. Bugs just seemed to follow the poor guy’s career wherever he went. Hopefully he’s got a good exterminator these days, those roaches’ grandkids might be out for revenge.

Ozzy Osbourne for I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter

endorsement deals ozzy
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Quick, what do the Prince of Darkness and Fabio have in common? No, not their long, luscious locks — both were pitchmen for I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter at one point in their careers. I get Fabio — he seems like he would be mildly perplexed at most when confronted with the product’s non-butter-ness. But Ozzy? He’d be downright furious not to have butter! But I guess WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAMNED BUTTER doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as easily.

Tyler, the Creator for Mountain Dew

endorsement deals tyler
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Tyler, the Creator, he of Odd Future and Loiter Squad fame, partnered up with Mountain Dew to create a series of commercials starring a goat, and the results are… well, about as bizarre as you’d expect. The goat’s name is Felicia, but it has Tyler’s voice, and it drives cars under the influence of Mountain Dew, and… yeah, just watch them. They aren’t quite as disturbing as the “Yonkers” video, but they’re right up there.

Tay Zonday for Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper

endorsement deals tay
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If you haven’t listened to this song yet, dude, I don’t know what to tell you. “Chocolate Rain” singer and viral video star (from back when nobody knew what “meme” meant) Tay Zonday covered his own song for a soda whose name contained no less than five words. We haven’t seen much of him since, but come on, isn’t Zero-Calorie Chocolate Cactus Cooler or whatever right around the corner? Tay, we need you. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU.

 

The Kardashians: Kardashian Kredit Kard

celebrity product kardashian kredit kard

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First, let’s try to get past the realization that this product’s initials are “KKK,” which of course we can’t. Second, let’s also try to get past the impossible visual of anyone handing this card over to a cashier or even an ATM machine with anything resembling pride or a direct gaze. And instead let’s concentrate on how this was a prepaid credit card aimed at kids that required a $100 activation fee, cost an additional $10 a month to use, came with a high fee for every time you did use it, and was eventually cancelled because it violated almost every consumer protection law imaginable, even those that usually have to do with poisoned medicine or exploding cars.

 

Bob Dylan: Victoria’s Secret

celebrity product bob dylan Victoria secret

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In an apparent attempt to create a lucrative synergy between sequined bras and seventysomething-year-old men, Victoria’s Secret commissioned Bob Dylan to record an exclusive CD for the store chain. A CD that equated “hot and heavy” with a harmonica solo and nasal congestion. A CD that came complete with all the Dylan tracks that have long been used by couples who have given up on romance or comprehensible lyrics. A CD that when prominently seen in Victoria’s Secret stores had customers put back the lace tops and camis and just buy some flannel pajamas, no longer able to comprehend the very notion of sex.

 

Hulk Hogan: Pastamania

celebrity product hulk hogan pastamania

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What do you do when you’re the biggest star in the World Wrestling Federation? You start selling traditional Italian cuisine with names like “Hulkaroos” and “Hulk-U” and countless other dishes that sound like Drakes cakes or off-brand cereals smothered in marinara sauce. Then you open up a “Pastamania” restaurant in the Mall of America in the understandable belief that if people are willing to consume their weight in cinnamon pretzels between Gap stores then they will certainly want to eat food inspired by getting one’s head smashed into a floor mat repeatedly. Alas, “Pastamania” proved far less a craze than “Hulkamania,” and so Hogan closed up shop in a year to return to his first love, screaming.

 

Lindsay Lohan: Sevin Nyne

celebrity product Lindsay lohan sevin nyne

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By now making fun of Lindsay Lohan is about as easy as making fun of Lindsay Lohan. (Really, she’s fallen so low she’s her only possible comparison.) So instead of focusing on a once-successful actress trying to make ends meet by selling a tanning spray (the cosmetics equivalent of “Velveeta”) named after two misspelled numbers (most likely because “Sexty Nyne” was already a porn film she was offered) and featuring a formula reportedly stolen from a chemist (a chemist who specializes in spray-on tans, no doubt making his alma mater very proud), lets just applaud her for apparently showing up for her own product launch as indicated in the hopefully non-doctored photo above.

 

Sylvester Stallone: Pudding

celebrity product Sylvester stallone pudding

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Is there any possible word that more immediately conjures up images of fast-gaining muscle mass—of pure, absolute strength—than “pudding”? Well, perhaps “tea.” Or “biscuit.” Or “Ensure.” And is there any actor today’s young bodybuilders wish to emulate more than the aging star of “Rocky,” “Rambo,” and “The Expendables”? Well, perhaps the aging star of “The Terminator.” Or the aging star of “Die Hard.” Or “The Thing” at age 80. The point is, “Stallone Pudding” is available in a can, and there is no classier way possible to consume one’s nutrients. Well, perhaps out of a trough. Or off a sidewalk. Or wrapped in a brown paper bag that’s fooling no one.

 

KISS: Coffin

celebrity product kiss official coffin

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It takes a certain kind of person to think people wish to be buried in the equivalent of an airbrushed van with satin lining and a small pillow. It takes a certain kind of performer to readily agree to have their face and autograph appear on something someone’s elderly relative is going to have to pass by to pay respects before asking what’s with all the demons on the lid. It takes a certain kind of person to pose next to their coffin while using it as a beer cooler. Clearly, Gene Simmons is that person.

The 11 Most Ridiculous Celeb Endorsement Deals

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