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11 Security Guards Reveal The Weirdest Things They’ve Ever Caught People Doing On Camera

 

What do people do when they don’t know they’re on camera? Or even when they know they’re on camera? All sorts of stuff, it turns out. Over on Reddit, people with security jobs shared the weirdest things they ever caught people doing on camera.

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1. Surf_zombie witnessed some very strange behavior. For humans, anyway.

Worked in a well-known discount retailer a few years ago and was friendly with the store detectives. One day, they called me into their camera room to show me some footage they got over the weekend.

Several overhead views of a middle-aged man lingering behind various young women, looking all around, waiting for a his window, then bending down quickly to sniff their asses. He was slick, none of them seemed to notice this guy crouched right behind them with his face just a couple inches from their butt.

They got him on camera doing this like 4 or 5 times before they tracked him down and told him to leave the store.

2. Beraht basically saw someone win and lose simultaneously.

Saw a trucker drive his huge trailer to the loading station and fit it in like a glove, perfect first try. Then falling out of cabin dead ass drunk.

Damn Russians…

3. Was Fenrir101 the watcher or the watchee?

I am not in physical security, but one place I worked at was a hidden bunker in the middle of nowhere. The car park looked like it was just a random paved area in the middle of fields hidden down a tiny country lane as the entrances couldn’t be seen easily. We had camera’s watching the outside and one weekend a bunch of expensive cars pulled up people got out and started filming a porn movie then just drove off.

But the weirdest thing was that we noticed the cows in the field next door ALWAYS had at least one cow watching the entrance. They took turns, one cow would always start watching the door before another would look away to start eating. We got a little obsessive about trying to find any footage where there wasn’t a cow staring at the door and could never find any.

4. Buttpoison witnessed both pure joy and pure stupidity (not at the same time).

I briefly worked security at my college dorm. Jesus Christ you wouldn’t believe the shit people do. My personal favorite was watching a very tiny girl get into an elevator, and as soon as the doors closed and she was alone ,she just started spinning and randomly punching the air. She didn’t stop until she got to her floor and then she just walked out like nothing ever happened. I also once watched a guy stop the doors from closing with his head. His head was stuck in the doors for a solid 20 seconds before they reopened.

5. Ironwolf56 lived the dream.

Used to work night security summers at this recreational campground. Had tent sites and RV hookups, but also cabins (ranging from simple to top of the line with their own hot tubs), multiple pools, tennis courts, miniature golf.. the works, it was “camping” for people that didn’t want to go camping basically.

One night a group of young women in their 20s or so (turned out later it was a bachelorette party) approached the back gate cameras almost in a military style formation. They turned and all six flashed their tits at the cameras. The incident became known as the “Twelve Gun Salute”

6. FindingAlaska saw the library in a whole new light.

My friend had to monitor the cameras for our university library, mostly the late night hours where the library was officially closed, but access was available to most students.

Sex. Everywhere.

Like, we were walking through one of the loft areas and she was pointing out places she’d watched people have sex, and it just made me want to never step foot in the library again. Nowhere was safe.

7. Karminarina worked in what might be the fullest contact haunted house ever.

I worked in a full contact haunted house this past Halloween, and it was fun hearing the security guards talking about the stuff they saw on the monitors. Then the owner once said he was walking by the monitors when he saw an actor pick a dude up over his head and throw him over his shoulder into the coffin (which was actually really comfy!) and was a bit horrified. The security guard nonchalantly said, “Yeah, he’s been doing that all night.”

8. Wanderingale caught a glimpse of a granny who just did not care.

A women I know went to a casino about two hours after they opened on a weekday to get tickets for a show. As she was walking by the security desk two women behind it were laughing hysterically. She knew one of the women and asked what was so funny. Turns out a couple minutes earlier they had found a pair of womens underwear. Not to strange, but that early on a weekday in the middle of a main walk way plus the fact they were big old “granny panties” got them curious so they were replaying the security tape. Sure enough a little old lady in a dress with a walker was just walking along, when her underwear started to fall. Ever step they fell a little more, till they hit the floor, she stepped out of them and just kept going.

9. Iamuda has some advice for wannabe criminals.

I cover 13 buildings all watched by cam . . . All the normal bizarre behavior expected in a socially and economically depressed area aided by a variety of drugs and alcohol and nearby university . . . But the two things that blow my kind are criminals returning to the scene of a crime and the lack of any substantial brainpower.

An old school bus was in a church parking lot. 3 kids decided to light it on fire. Not only did we catch them walking by the bus, returning, lighting it on fire, and then returning again to watch the fire Dept / police deal with the mess they were also caught on security cams at the corner mart up the street buying a lighter.

Had a generator stolen out of a storage unit behind a shelter. Never mind the guys left a trail in the snow from the storage unit to the house they took it to a few blocks away . . . One guy walked up to a cam (about 12’ off the ground) and, WHILE LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO THE CAM, tried to rub some snow on it to blur the field of vision. Good idea, I thought, but perhaps next time hide your face.

I do admit we did run into some smarter criminals. Not only did they bust into the only vacant house (affordable housing my agency maintains/rents) in a row they cleaned out everything – pipes, fixtures, appliances, etc they also took the entire DVR security system. So – no system, no backup, no video proof of the event. Good on ya’ criminals. You get this round.

10. Charlottedhouse accidentally got a free show. One she very much did not want.

Several years ago, I worked in a hospital that had a secure wing for mentally ill/at risk patients. It had cameras all over the hall and in every room. It was also a co-ed ward, which was a TERRIBLE IDEA.

We had one guy, let’s call him RJ, who had been there a while and was missing certain things he was used to getting from his lady friend on the regular.

RJ was also a paranoid schizophrenic and would hallucinate famous people following/talking to him.

On this particular day, Hallie Berry was following him around and they were going to get married as soon as he was discharged. Lots of “My girl Hallie is hongry. Can I get an extra sammich?” and “Damn, Hallie, you so fine girl” directed to the wall.

Well, it’s dinner time and RJ gets his plate and goes to his room and comes back out a second later and asks the nurse for mayonnaise. Whatever, she gives him mayonnaise.

RJ goes back to his room, takes the ham from his sandwich, opens the mayonnaise, spreads is on one side of meat and, please forgive me for this, beats his meat with it.

So we pop a sticky note on the screen for modesty and keep giving out food. Then we hear it.

“HALLIE! OooOOOOoooooo HALLIE. OH GIRL. YES. GET IT. YOU LIKE THAT, DONT YOU? THATS MY HALLIE. I LOVE YOU BAY-BAAAAAAAAAAAY! GGUUUUUUUUGH!”

We all turn and look at the monitor just in time for RJ to do this Exorcist-esque arch right as he blew his load which rendered the strategically placed sticky note useless.

Then he got up, and RJ was a tall dude, but he got up and smeared a handful of mayo-cum directly on the camera and yelled “YALL DONT GET TO SEE ME WITH MY GIRL UNLESS YALL PAY!”

At which point he walked out of his room and dropped the half empty mayonnaise packet on the service window at the nurses station and said “Y’all can give the rest to somebody else.”

11. CrockettsWord reminds us just why we need pockets.

I work weekends at a hospital for a security company with hundreds of cameras all over the hospital. I frequently am assigned to be the officer who watches cameras in the rooms of patients under observation (threats to self or nursing staff) and have access to the files in our archives.

The most bizarre thing I have ever seen (in the archives) is one of the patients under observation escaping security and making it all the way to his car—completely naked.

This guy was admitted for reasons that I have only heard second-hand. He was young, maybe mid twenties, and looked normal compared to most of the psychiatric patients that come into the ER. Most likely delusional and a danger to himself, but the key to his story was that he came to the hospital for help with his problems but did not know that by telling us that he was suicidal that a doctor would order him under observation and he would be unable to leave the hospital whenever he wished.

Now the process of getting care for mental health issues in an emergency room can take hours because the specialized staff are off site, and only one is present on campus at any given time. He decided that he could not wait and that coming to the ER was a mistake, so he decided to escape. However, this particular patient was smarter than your average case. He took note of the cameras, the angles of each one, and watched the other patients nearby intently as they were escorted by security to a completely stripped, special bathroom.

As the security guard in the small room that joined with his and a few other patients’ rooms opened a door to the adjacent hall, where the bathroom was located, the guard would immediately turn his or her attention to the other patients. Next to the bathroom was another observation room, but that guard was usually seated. Both of these officers, he seemed to gather from the smirk on his face, were not allowed, under any circumstance, to leave their post unless removed. Anyone running from this officer would have a huge head start before a free officer could be summoned over the radio. All he had to do was get out of reach of the nearest one, and they would not be able to follow.

There was one problem. The bathroom door opened up toward the seated guard in the hallway. Apparently he had devised a solution to this problem and asked the first guard to use the bathroom. Everything goes as planned, from his point of view. Guard #1 opens the door, lets him walk into the hall and then goes back to the other patients. Guard #2 remains seated and watches to make sure he actually goes in.

He is in the bathroom for almost ten minutes, and the guard in the hall notices, but doesn’t change anything about his routine. While the patient was in the bathroom (no camera), he stripped completely naked and lubed up his entire body in a thick layer of handsoap and water. The now fully lubricated patient, I imagine, took a deep breath and flung open the door as hard as he could. The camera files show the seated guard almost falling back out of his rolling chair in surprise. He hadn’t even come to terms with the fact that he was going to have to grab a curiously shiny naked man when the man made five long strides down the hall at full speed and turned the corner toward the waiting room. The patients in the waiting room just froze in shock, and the guards by the entrance/exit started running toward him. Half a dozen nurses and half a dozen security guards grabbed at him with gloved hands but every single one of them came up with nothing. None of them could get in front of him, and any attempt to grab the lubed up streaker failed. Some guards were holding their heads, mouthing “what the fuck” and others were in full sprint after him. He made it in under 30 seconds out of the hospital and out to the sidewalk that lead to the parking garage. He made it all the way to his car, but no further.

No keys.

TL;DR, naked patient under observation lubes up entire body in bathroom and slips away from security and sprints through the ER to his car, but he didn’t have his keys.

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