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11 Types Of Sex That Every Married Couple Has

Sex is a lot different for married couples than it is for people who just started dating. On the upside: you’re familiar with your spouse and know how to make them happy. On the downside: you’re way too familiar with your spouse.

But married couples still get down, here’s the 11 ways they do it.

1. Make-Up Sex

The stages of make-up sex:
1. You got into a fight about the same damn thing you’ve fought about for a decade
2. You both calm down and admit you’re both part of the problem
3. You kiss and make up
4. One person nods their head towards the bedroom and slyly asks, “You wanna?”
5. Make-up sex insures

Make-up sex is hotter than regular sex because you are both super-charged emotionally. There can be some signs of aggression during the act: hair-pulling, dirty talk, extra spit. When the sex is done one partner usually says, “We should fight more often.”

2. Sleep-Walk Sex

Like a spirit inhabited your body in the middle of the night, you wake up grinding on your partner. Were you in a deep sleep? Was it a dream? Have you been possessed? No one knows for sure. But, after a quick, “I’m sorry,” he or she thinks it’s kinda cute and you have a midnight quickie. It’s a lot like a midnight snack, but less fattening.

No one discusses it the next morning.

3. Kinky Sex

Remember when you were little and bought a science kit and thought you’d become Einstein? Many married couples go through a similar phase where one partner buys a bondage starter kit at the local sex store to, you know, “spice things up a bit.”

Either both partners love a bit of rough trade and they become full-on swinging kinksters. Or the whip ‘n chain kit gets hidden beneath the bed and collects dust until their kid finds it.

4. Quickie

When it’s 7:30 on a Sunday night and there’s time to kill before “Game of Thrones” nothing’s better than a quickie. The trick to the quickie is getting your partner ready for action with very little foreplay. There is also no cuddling allowed after a quickie, because you’ll miss the opening of “Game of Thrones.”

5. The Handy

The hand job is usually given after a husband makes a sad face, points to his wiener and says something along the lines of, “It needs some attention.” This is the least popular item on the marital sex menu.

6. Party Sex

You’re both drunk and one of you pulls the other into the bathroom. The quickie rules apply to this short interaction, but with a few major caveats: the sex usually has to be done standing up and there’s no moaning. The most awkward part is walking out of the bathroom together, especially if someone was waiting in line to use it. They know exactly what you did.

7. Lazy Sex

It’s hot outside, so you’re feeling kinda horny, but you’re also too lazy to be active. This type of sex usually involves both partners lying on their sides in a scissoring position and is usually followed by a nap.

8. Hotel Sex

Like a painter with a fresh canvass, a married couple has infinite possibilities in a hotel room. The couple can start in the shower, move to the mini-kitchen and then finish on the bed in less than 15 steps. The best part? They don’t have to clean up the mess.

Bonus benefit: the porn channel on the hotel room TV.

9.) Birthday Sex

Even in a marriage where the spark died decades ago, there’s one guarantee: sex on your birthday. During birthday sex, the special girl or boy usually gets to choose the type of sex they want and where they want to do it.

10. Perfunctory Sex

No one asked for it, but both partners thought they should do it just to prevent a potential divorce. This accounts for 35 to 65% of all married sex.

11. Masturbation

Nothing gets a married person hotter than when their spouse takes a solo trip to Wal-Mart. Time to fire up the lap top!

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