Previous
Next

If there’s one thing the U.S. has got down pat, it’s superheroes. Sure, we have our duds (COUGH, Fantastic 4, COUGH) but none are as bad as these foreign ones.

Super Commando Dhruva —India

He’s basically a lame version of Robin whose parents were trapeze artists that were killed in a circus fire started by some villains. He can talk to animals (except for gorillas, which is weird considering how they’re pretty much human) and breathe underwater. He also rolls around on a bad-ass motorcycle, again, like Robin. He’s also got the best tights of all time.

Zooman: The Human Fly — Mexico

He’s basically Ant-Man, but he uses his super powers to look up the skirts of women. He can shrink at will and when he does, he chooses to spend his time beating the crap out of spiders. Guess he likes a more intimate approach, rather than squashing them with a paper towel.

The Golem — Israel

Candidate for worst super hero design of all time, the Golem has tons of origin stories: one comic states that he was the product of a scientific experiment, another says radiation, a third says that King Solomon gave him his powers a long time ago. He protects the Jewish people against enemies like an Arab demon, a vampire, and a Canaanite god. Oh, he also punches Hitler in the face.

The Rapeman — Japan

Japan is such a tough culture to figure out. On one hand, they’re super respectful towards elders, and value politeness and good manners. Then, they have a superhero like Rapeman, who is agood guy. He’s a high school teacher by day (chilling) and rapist by night. He runs a crime fighting service with his uncle called “Rapeman Services.” Their motto? “Righting wrongs through penetration.” What. The. Hell.

Zsazsa Zaturnnah — Philippines

All right Zsazsa kinda looks like a combination of She-Hulk and Cheetarah and is a super popular superhero in the Philippines. Zsazsa is actually a man, who after eating a magic meteorite that fell through the roof of his house, can turn into an Amazonian woman. The meteorite is a big, pink, spiky ball, that he needs to swallow over and over again in order to transform into ZsaZsa. So yes, he is constantly swallowing pink butt meteorites whenever he wants to fight crime.

El Bulbo — Mexico

He’s a freaking light bulb. Who fights a light bulb Hitler. So damn lame.

Devilman — Japan

Akira Fudo is a pure-hearted boy who gets possessed by a demon after his best friend, Ryo (who’s secretly the son of Satan), shoots up a club. Because Akira is such a goody-two-shoes, he’s able to keep the demon in check, so he gets all of the powers, without having to be, you know, an evil, murderous monster.

Mercury Man — Thailand

So his costume looks like Peter Parker’s leftover Venom symbiote suit from Spiderman 3, but Mercury Man was Thailand’s attempt at making a blockbuster superhero franchise. A firefighter by the name of Chan gets stabbed with an ancient amulet that gives him super powers. Oh, and he has a transgender sister who’s a kickboxer as his sidekick. Run-of-the-mill stuff.

Superdupont — France

This guy’s such a walking, horrible stereotype, that you’d think there’s no way any self-respecting French person conjured him up. But they did. Created as a parody for what people think of the French, Superdupont smokes cigarettes, drinks tons of wine, wears berets, eats cheese, and even carries around a baguette for no reason. He pretty much has superman’s powers but instead of the frost breath and heat vision, he can shoot a magical ray that can cure people of gonorrhea. Because, if you’re gonna throw in some French stereotypes, it’s better to get them all in there.

Generation Tesla — Serbia

The whackest of X-Men ripoffs, Generation Tesla is a comic about the world’s greatest scientist, Nikola Tesla. Old Tessie managed to avoid his own death by transferring to another plane of existence, and then revived a bunch of dead people who were murdred by some guy named Kobalt. He gave them super powers and began fighting crime. And probably Thomas Edison, too.

Flash Bomba — Philippines

Flash’s legs were crippled in a freak accident, and after strengthening his body and making himself stronger than ever, he sought out a mythical Horse-Head creature called a Tikbalang and beat the ever loving hell out of it. And after laying the smack down on a beast that did nothing to deserve such an ass-whooping, Flash Bomba stole its magical powers.

Splatter — Canada

Literally the worst hero of all time. Splatter is the sdiekick to Captain Canuck, who is a lame version of Captain America. What does Splatter do? He roams the forests, finds bad guys, and then shoots them with a paintball gun. Why? Oh, so he can mark the bad guys for Captain Canuck to beat up. His entire super power is letting someone who is actually badass know who to hit. He’s just a really inventive tattletale.
12 Creepy Foreign Superheroes Who’ll Make You Appreciate The Avengers
Previous
Next
Please wait...