Myths are man-made. They evolve through oral tradition without a copy editor to keep a close eye on their truthfulness. Sometimes these myths evolve into such stupid ideas that you can’t help but SMH. Here are a few of the most dominate myths of today, those that make everyone stupider for having heard about them.
1. Fapping too much makes you go blind.
myths that need to die
No, it doesn’t Dad! It can, however, cause you lose your eyesight if you stare at a computer screen for 23 hours a day.
2. Fortune cookies are a Chinese tradition.

Three billion fortune cookies are made each year. Most are produced in America, where they were invented. It is a common misconception that fortune cookies are 100 percent Chinese. Wonton Food, one of the biggest producers of fortune cookies in the world, stopped production of them in China because they were seen as “too American.”


3. Mountain Dew shrinks your testicles.

Remember when you were a kid and the neighborhood assholes would tell you that Yellow 5 shrinks your dick? They were lying. Personally I gave up Lucky Charms and other foods containing Yellow 5 in my youth, denying myself literal hours of happiness, only to see my penis and balls stay the same. It is a lie that Mountain Dew affects your testicles. Your testicles are just small.

4. Pissing on jellyfish stings makes them all better.

According to one of the figureheads at Red Cross, urine does not have the chemical makeup to treat jellyfish stings. Popularized by “Friends” when Joey pisses on Monica’s leg, it is a common misconception that pee takes away the pain. It makes more sense that you simply forget about the pain when you have someone else peeing on your leg.

5. Just be yourself.

Never be yourself. Yourself sucks.

6. Your heart stops when you sneeze.

No, that would be cardiac arrest. I would’ve died thousands of times. Equally dumb is the idea that your eyes will pop out of your skull if you sneeze with them open.

7. HIV started because a man had sex with a monkey.

You can always bet on the moron of the group to shout, “A dude had sex with a chimp!” But alas, those are lies.

The origin of HIV is traced back to equatorial Africa in the 50’s when, as they say, hunters came in contact with chimpanzees affected with the simian immunodeficiency virus. They ate the chimpanzees and the virus mutated within them. It was not – however hilarious – caused by a man spelunking a monkey.

8. The moon landing was fake.

In 2009, Whoopi Goldberg expressed doubt in the moon landing, exhibiting how utterly idiotic mainstream American culture is. In the U.S., 7 percent of people think it was a hoax, spelling doom for this nation. Whenever I start to feel gloomy about this, I always watch the video of Buzz Aldrin punching that dude who called him a liar and feel renewed.

9. Men think about sex every seven seconds.

Lies. That would mean we think about sex 514 times an hour. This is obviously propaganda to suggest men are pigs. One study out of Ohio State concluded that men have “19 thoughts about sex each day.” More palatable, but I’d wager it’s more than that, and somewhere in the middle.

10. Shaving causes hair to grow back thicker.

One can theorize the origin of such a spectacular fib: Moms telling their post pubescent beta male kids that their facial hair will thicken in time, with just the right methods. I too bought into this myth once upon a time but didn’t see any results. Thanks Mom.

11. Ghosts exist.

I can already hear the thunder in the comments already. Ghosts don’t exist, there I said it. You can tell your stories about that one time a ghost opened a door in your house or you felt something touch your hand. Odds are you imagined it, psycho. Ghosts are physically impossible. I can’t believe I even have to say this.


12. We are all created equal.

Yes, Bieber could’ve beaten Bobby Fischer at chess. Paris Hilton knows as much about astrophysics as Neil deGrasse Tyson. Snooki was on her way to inventing Twitter but Jack Dorsey stole her idea. We are not equal. Deal with it.

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