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12 Of The Biggest Mistakes People Made In College –

 

1

Thom Woodley goes on the adventure of a lifetime.

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“This one is a little much, but… One night it was ‘Thom Accepts One Dare From Everybody’ night. I forget why, but I vaguely remember deserving it. Anyway, there were a lot of stupid meaningless dares, and I’m sure I refused a few. But two in particular I still remember. One was ‘Become the Admiral’, which meant going to Red Lobster and eating 2 Admiral’s Feasts (which are about 2000 calories each). I also got very drunk on multiple Lobsteritas while doing this (about 800 calories per ‘rita, though this was college). The ‘closing dare’ of the night was ‘Find your Inner Child’. For some reason that meant (a) curling my hair in a hair curler, (b) stripping to my underwear, (c) climbing Mount Nittany “like He-Man would do”. Mt. Nittany is a full-sized Appalachian mountain just outside the school. In my stupor, I somehow managed to make it all the way up, only to get lost on the way down. I spent many hours roaming the woods in my underwear and could have probably died pretty easy, except my friends found me. I woke up the next morning on the lawn where my housemates had let me sleep it off, dirty, still mostly naked, covered in bruises and briar scratches, and with a bad case of both poison ivy and diarrhea from the admiral’s feast. So, go Penn State!”

2

Ryan Creamer has a fantastic date:

“one time for a date i thought it would be fun to do that whose line game where you watch a movie on silent and dub over lines together and the movie i chose for it was north by northwest, a two and a half hour movie”

3

Mark Ledgerwood goes on Spring Break WHOO!

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“my freshman year i invited anyone who wanted to come home w me for Spring Break (I grew up in Daytona Beach) and 15 people came. But they also made it a mission trip, so I spent 2 days cleaning out an old church”

4

Tristan Cooper‘s tale means urine for a treat.

“My college roommate was a huge pothead, so when it came time to take a drug test for a new job he was out of luck. He came to my brother (also my roommate) for clean urine. To keep it warm for the testers, the roommate had my brother pee in a condom, which he taped up next to his taint. The condom exploded on the ride over to the clinic, drenching my roommate’s taint and his truck in my brother’s pee.”

5

Mike Puterbaugh hears a sad trombone.

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“I got a 0% for a prelim exam that was worth like 1/10 of the course grade, because I forgot to put the exam in my schedule and no-showed it.  Realized my mistake at marching band practice immediately afterwards, when another student from the class asked me how I had approached one of the exam questions”

6

Randy McKay knows that green tastes like.

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“I was pulling an all nighter during my senior year and came back to my suite to find this mixture of brownies and cookies that my suitemates left in the kitchen. Because I was tired and hungry I tore into them pretty fast. I remember asking my girlfriend at the time if they tasted green to her then immediately falling asleep. I had never done a weed before that and ended up sleeping through 2 classes and my job. I don’t remember if I got fired, but I do remember the boss being very angry.”

7

Andrew Bridgman lives a scene from a horror movie.

“I was working in the computer labs as a lab assistant’ which basically just meant it was my job to sit there and refill the printers if they ran out of paper (also I was supposed to give technical advice, but no one ever asked and I also didn’t really know anything, but it was the summer and they just needed ANYONE to man all these labs). I had just gotten a gum graft, where they take some flesh off of your mouth’s palette and attach it to your gums when there’s significant recession (GROSS I KNOW) but it was healing well and everything was okay. So I roll in for an 8 hour shift at some mostly abandoned computer lab in the basement of the math building and like an hour in I eat a Cheez-It  and BAM. The stitches on the top of my mouth come loose and my mouth just FILLS UP with blood (very weird sensation!). I run to the bathroom and just jam a bunch of paper towels in my mouth. There is no one else around though – they were short-staffed to begin with, so no one’s there to fill in, so I just sat there with paper towels jammed in my mouth for several hours. All because I just haaaaaad to eat a Cheez-It.

also immediately after pulling an all nighter and finishing up my last final, i went by myself to an 11am showing of the Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy movie (because i am a bigtime dork) and a bunch of people there were in their underwear, wearing bathrobes and holding towels. the movie sucked, i was insanely tired, and i saw some old guys dick hanging out of his boxer shorts in the theater, awful day.”

8

Jesse Eisemann may be the inspiration for “The Hangover”

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“A bunch of my friends went to Cancun or something for spring break, but i found this AMAZING deal for a few days in beautiful Downtown LA, where there’s nothing to do but drink and go to Lakers games. I did that so hard that I blacked out before I got to Staples Center, left some voicemails to my friend (who i’d snuck away from) where I gave my phone to strangers to describe where I was. I took a nap in a very public area at one point. He never found me, but I woke up back in my hotel room covered in woodchips”

9

Rebecca Caplan gets quite the reputation.

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once went through a break up that had me getting very drunk and crying at parties so often that one regular Tuesday I went to the campus tech center to get my laptop fixed and the student worker, who I had thought I never had met in my life, was like “hey! here’s your laptop, also are you ok? we were so worried about you!”

so it just became like a thing
strangers around campus
were noticing about me

10

Karina Farek creates a masterpiece:

“my animation thesis was a 5 minute film and i didnt hire anyone to help me animate it so i could pocket my grant money so at the end of the year i stayed up for 3 days straight trying to finish while only eating craisins. i ended up putting a punch of backgrounds in crooked bc my eyes were strained that there was about 2 inches of blur around everything by the time i finished and now i can’t stomach most dried fruit. and the film became a really popular furry film online which is also kind of regrettable”

11

Eli Yudin becomes a human dump truck:

“i decided it would be cool and fun to enter and win a contest at a party for who could do the grossest combination of stuff in a beer bong (rockstar, jager, vodka, beer, orange juice)

I won, then was like “i have to go step outside” and walked around the neighborhood for an hour trying not to throw up”

12

David Cyr Kerns does NOT get the role of a lifetime.

“Being a very small and extremely culturally insensitive role in the college musical my senior year. I was a senior and very much expecting to get one of the main roles in Anything Goes (our musical that year) since I was one of the leads as a sophomore and even won a small regional award for my part. But instead I was given the role of one of two small comic relief Chinese stow aways, who had a couple of very horrible and racist lines in this very dated musical. I told the director I didn’t want to do it for many reasons, but he assured me that they were going to change the part so that is was not an offensive Chinese stereotype, and that it was going to be a bigger part then was scripted. Both of these things were lies. The black woman and I who played these parts were forced to do offensive accents and I wasted so much of my senior year at rehearsals for something I felt embarrassed and offended to be a part of”

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