12 Signs You’re Pretty Damn Awful In Bed
At one point in everyone’s life, no matter how many times we’ve done it – we stop and wonder if we are bad in bed. We could be 21-years-old, 31-years-old, or even 41-years-old and married with kids – we still always want to perform the best we can for our partners and make sure it’s worth everyone’s while. There’s nothing worse than being bad in bed – except, maybe having chronic bad breath. While bad breath sucks, sometimes, you can’t fix it. The good news is that if you’re bad in bed, there is always room for improvement. If it makes you feel any better – the first time I had sex, I couldn’t get past the tip without screaming in pain (whatever, it happens). But, fast-forward to modern-day me – I’m pretty good in bed (if I do say so myself) and my boyfriend is happy as a clam. So – there is hope for everyone!
1. You’re thinking too much about it.
Sex is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable for everyone involved. If you’re too “in your head,” chances are, you’re going to be tense and nervous the entire time – which, isn’t fun for you. Not every single time is going to be mind-blowing and you have to let loose and enjoy the ride (literally). Over-thinking will ruin the moment and put too much pressure on yourself.
2. You aren’t verbal about your needs or limits.
If you’re having sex with someone – you should trust them or feel comfortable enough with them to voice your needs or what you dislike. Never stay silent if someone is doing something you don’t like – if they’re too rough or too aggressive with you. Also, if you’re not satisfied or enjoying yourself – speak up, girl! Don’t fake it just to “get it over with,” make sure you’re getting yours, too.
3. Or, you’re too concerned with yourself.
Some people only care about getting off for them and not satisfying their partner – which is selfish and wrong. Sex is between two people – and if you’re only thinking about yourself, you should be using a dildo and not a real person.
4. You’re trying to finish without actually enjoying it.
Sex is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t want to have sex for .5 seconds – unless, you’re strapped for time. But, most of the time, sex feels good when it’s long and jam-packed with foreplay and slow motions until leading up to the big finale. You don’t want to miss all of the orgasmic moments that are involved in sexual intercourse if you’re too busy rushing to get off. Take it easy.
5. You think it’s bad sex if you don’t orgasm.
The goal of sex is not to orgasm – contrary to many people’s belief. There are going to be a lot of times when you have sex and you just don’t get off. Sex should be an enjoyable experience that makes everyone feel good – and, if you don’t cum, you don’t cum. As long as you and your partner are enjoying yourselves and having fun, what else really matters? If you’re too concerned with getting off, you can ruin the entire thing.
6. You or your partner feel horrible afterwards.
If you or partner feels awful after you have had sex with each other – you’re having sex with the wrong person. No one should make you feel insecure about yourself and your body – and vice versa. Not all sex will be incredible – but that doesn’t mean you can nit-pick someone and make them feel bad about themselves and their performance after you’re done. It’s more important to have a conversation with them later on than making them feel bad naked, sweaty and ashamed.
7. You try to mimic porn far too often.
Porn is a great place to get pointers and tips on how to switch things up in the bedroom – but not everyone is a porn star. Don’t hurt yourself trying to bend all the way backwards for your partner and end up needing to head over to the ER because you pulled your back out. Instead, use it for “guidance” rather than something you need to copy 100%. Also, before trying anything new – make sure your partner is okay with it and comfortable with it.
8. You never talk about sex.
If you’re sleeping with someone, you should be comfortable talking to them about sex. This way, there’s no awkwardness between you when you’re getting down and dirty. Plus, you’ll know your limits and your partner’s limits before making anyone feel uneasy.
9. You use the same move every single time.
Sex is about being comfortable – of course – but using the same move every single time will bore you and your partner, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone. Try to find ways to incorporate your needs and your partner’s needs in new and exciting ways – whether it’s with toys or new positions.
10. You’re not hygienic when it comes to your parts.
Always take care of yourself and your private parts. If you feel as though your body is off for some reason – do not ignore it. You should never feel too ashamed to go to a doctor if you have a bad smell coming from there, a rash occurring or even some tell-tale signs of an STD coming to light. Taking care of yourself means you respect your body and your partner.
11. You don’t know how to get yourself off.
The first thing you should know is your body. You should know what works for you and what doesn’t – and, you should know how to get yourself off. That way, you know what feels best for you while you’re having sex. If you have no concept of your body – you really won’t have any concept of what feels good during sex.
12. You’re too insecure about your body.
If you’re feeling bad about yourself, chances are, you are going to feel bad during sex. If you need to workout or eat right to feel better about your body, make changes. If you feel pressured because of society’s dumb beauty standards – f*ck that. No matter what, you should feel good about the skin you’re in and do not let anyone else make you feel any different.