12 X-Rated History Facts They Won’t Teach You In School


I can barely remember what exactly they taught us in history class, but I can assure you it was none of these facts. These are insane.

1. HeavenInACup — Yes. A ‘prolific’ brothel customer.

When Victor Hugo died, most brothels in Paris closed for his funeral so the prostitutes could pay their respects.

He was a very prolific client, and pretty nice towards prostitutes on top of that.

2. SmoreOfBabylon — Very Game of Thrones-esque

When learning about ancient history, such as that of pre-Roman Egypt for example, you might get a passing reference from the teacher about the occasional incestuous marriage among the pharaohs here and there. But the Ptolemaic Dynasty took this to the next level. Let’s have a look at this handy chart

Of special note is that Ptolemy VIII was, for a time, married to both his sister AND his niece (who herself was the daughter of Ptolemy’s sister/wife and their brother). Also, the Ptolemies spent a whoooole lot of time murdering one another – parents murdered by their children, children murdered by their parents, uncles, or aunts, and so forth. Interesting times, to say the least.

3. egrith — Well that’s just plain rude.

The fact that around the time of Catherine the Great died, her enemies spread rumors that she died from either her toilet broke under her, or from a horse falling on her while trying to have sex with one.

4. El_John_Nada — I guess that’s one way to go out.

One of the French presidents (Felix Faure) died in office while receiving a blowjob….

5. Maxpowr9 — You don’t see many war movies featuring diarrhea.

A lot of diarrhea in warfare.

Also, getting an STI in WWI got you sick leave so many Allied forces would visit Parisian brothels, get an STI, and sent home.

6. MlSANTHROPlSSED — Ahhhh this one made me physically cringe.

When French revolutionary Maximilien Robespierre realized he was to be executed he attempted suicide. He shot himself in the mouth and when they took him to the guillotine the executioner ripped off his wounded jaw causing him to scream in agony before the crowd until the guillotine killed him.

7. CorporalThornberry — But who doesn’t?

Romans loved drawing dicks all over everything

8. Reformed_Mother — That is insane.

Lina Medina is a Peruvian woman who is the youngest confirmed mother in medical history, giving birth at the age of five years, seven months and 17 days.

This is certainly not one of the facts that they teach in school.

9. thedeejus — Who knew?

President James Buchanan was likely gay. He never married and lived with former Vice President William King for years, and they would attend social functions as a couple. Andrew Jackson called them “Miss Nancy and Aunt Fancy.”

10. PopeliusJones — What the hell?

Up until the early 20th century, a woman could be diagnosed with “hysteria” by her doctor, who would then “cure” her by bringing her to orgasm. This was not an uncommon practice, either.

11. Ugandaeatthat — I love how they got embarrassed by it.

The Russian Tsars starting with the infamous Catherine had a portion of their palace decorated with explicitly phalic furniture. It was thought to be so bizarre that both the provisional government and the soviet union hid the furniture after briefly cataloguing its existence.

12. DumpChumpTrump — Mozart you DOG.

Mozart, the great composer, did not only write serious pieces like Lacrimosa. He also wrote a masterpiece called: Leck mich im Arsch (lick me in the ass)…

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