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13 Events That Should Never Be Spoken Of Ever Again

“Mine happened a couple years back. I was just minding my own business, going about my day, when i get a text from my dad. Of course, i read it since its from my dad. The text reads:

Can there be slaveplay in tonights entertainment? I need you.

Me and my sister once found a whip in their cupboard so its easy to put two and two together.

Five minuttes later, the most sincere: Oops. i have ever seen pops up on my screen. I never responded to that text and i have never brought it up, but we both know it happened.” – QwepEUW

 

“I was drinking Vodka, and I had this guy pal that I was trying to bang…but he refused to bang a drunk girl while he was sober. I grabbed my phone and started looking for some action…no such luck. I eventually passed out and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I read the texts I’d sent in absolute horror…

Me: what r u doin?

G: Getting ready 4 bed, u?

Me: Drunk, topless, and looking for some fun.

G: Lol, good luck! I’m going to bed.

G happened to be my boss who just started a few weeks ago…at the time Facebook would merge your friends contact info into your address book. I never spoke of it again, and had a difficult time looking him in the eye.” – LadyPhoenix74

 

“So I am in high school and got trashed at a party. Some how I made it home. In the middle of the night I drunkenly wander into my parents bedroom, sit on my Dad’s hamper and take a good, long piss. My dad woke up in the middle of it and pushed me back into my room. I wake up in the morning and go to the living room and see dad. He starts cracking up and told me what happened. Said we won’t tell anyone and to go upstairs and clean out his hamper. Ended up having to buy him a new hamper. My mom never said anything about it so I have no idea if she knew.

My dad passed away about 10 years ago. Since that time my mom told me a story about my dad getting drunk one night shortly after they were married and she woke up in the middle of the night to see him peeing in his hamper.

Apparently, I am totally my father’s daughter. And have still never told anyone about it.” – spicycrabroll13

 

 

“Out of the blue my cousin (m) sends me a Facebook message asking me(f) if I had ever had any sexual dreams or thoughts about another family member. Which then snowballed into him trying to question me thoroughly about my sex life and asking to see my boobs.

I told him it was kinda(really) awkward because he was my cousin. He tried to justify it by saying since we are like 4th cousins(we’re not, we’re 2nd cousins) it doesn’t matter(it does, cause it’s gross). He kept apologizing for making it awkward but he just wouldn’t STFU about it. I finally convinced him that it was gross and that we should never speak of it again.

I deleted the Facebook message but not before I took screenshots in case he tried to do some stupid shit.

Saw him yesterday at a family thing with his wife and he refused to make eye contact.

Pure coincidence that I also live in Alabama.” – LolaLovesPeaches

 

 

“I was on a road trip with a buddy. We were heading to a three day music fest in Tennessee. We drove through the night, and were making good time. He was driving, and asked me to take the wheel for a second.
I did.

He grabbed a Gatorade bottle, unzipped, and started pissing in the bottle. I was a bit uncomfortable with my hand 6 inches above his exposed dick, but we were going 75 mph and his foot was on the gas. We had more pressing concerns, is my point.

He finishes up, and in one swift motion, rolls down the window, and lifts the Gatorade bottle toward the window to dump it.

“Wait what are you do-”
Imagine a full bottle of warm piss filling up the entire interior of a car like a fine aerosol spray in a split second.
That’s what 75 mph wind blowing inward does to a bottle of liquid trying to go outward. I learned that the hard way.

Of COURSE it got in my mouth. But that wasn’t the worst of it. It was clogging my ears like I had been swimming. It was stinging my eyes. It went so far up my nose that I sneezed it out.

Twice.

We looked at each other, dripping piss.

All I could say was “damn it. God damn it dude.”
He turned on the AC after a time. Piss droplets blew out onto us. It was dripping on us from the ceiling of the car.
We rode for a long time in silence.
Do you know what a person, and the interior of a car covered in piss smell like after being in 103 degree heat for three days, and no means to wash up?
I do.
…I do.” – Zsuth

 

 

“Not so much we never spoke of it again, but I’ve never spoken of it.

In college, skipped the day to play some CoD. Got bored and decided to take matters into my own hands. My dorm room was on top floor (4th) and the window blinds were open.

As I was furiously taking out my frustrations, a window washer came up to the window on a suspended scaffold. We locked eyes for a second and he left my window unwashed and slowly went back down.” – Reddiddlyit

 

 

HP” Warning: Graphic story

Years ago my girlfriend and I snuck off to a bathroom to fuck after everyone passed out at a house party. We were young, she was fun, and she wanted it in her butt. You got it, champ.

I was sitting on the closed toilet, and she was basically doing the stand-up reverse cowgirl thing. Felt great.

At some point one of our drunk friends woke up to piss and came bursting into the bathroom. She jumps up in shock causing an extremely fast, and unexpected pull-out.

Poop. EVERYWHERE

The next morning the same drunk friend comes stumbling out of the bathroom after having passed out from his drunken midnight piss.

“Guys… I got really drunk last night and I think I might have shit on the floor in the bathroom…”

Damn right you did. Apology accepted, go clean that up.” – InternetKidsAreMean

 

 

“When my best buddy and I were still in high school we decided to go up an old mountain road and do some underage drinking in his car. We were up there for a while and all of a sudden we see head lights behind us. Fearing it was a cop we hid the beer and my friend looks over to me and says “Just follow my lead.” Turns out it was a cop. We rolled down the windows and he asked what we were up to this late at night up in the mountains. I’m sitting in the passenger seat freaking out hoping he can’t smell any of the beer.

My friend looks over at the cop and in the calmest voice says, “It’s our two year anniversary tonight and we were trying to get away from everything. . .” He then reaches over, picks up my hand and kisses the back of it. The cop looked at us for another few seconds and told us to have a nice and safe night. Just another couple of boys enjoying themselves up in the mountains at 1am.” – Sgt_Walberg

 

 

“My college room-mate and I were in Italy, and we were lost at a small town train station where there’s no English and no one spoke English at all. The way the train station is set up is that we have to take stairs underground, and take stairs back up to cross the platform.

We were trying to figure out which train to take, and ended up going back and forth since we barely understood any Italian. After a few trips going up and down, we decided to just cross back and forth across the tracks.

This was wayyyyy before smart phones, so we were in the middle of the tracks while I used a compass to figure out which direction Florence was. Then we realized it was noisier than usual, looked up, and saw a train coming.

In panic, we ran in front of the train to the platform across instead of backwards to safety.

Realized we nearly won Darwin Awards. We agreed not to tell anyone about how dumb we were.” – eraser_dust

 

 

 

“Drunk and high back in high school:
Me and my buddy for some reason, decided it would be a fun idea to steal the lawn chairs on someone’s porch, and then sit on them in the middle of the street and masturbate. We haven’t spoken of it since.” – gloveshack

 

 

“Growing up, we were poor, and as a teen I didn’t really have access to porn or what not, but I was quite a writer.
So I would write exotic fiction as a….release, in a spiral. Well, one day after writing a particularly sordid story, i kinda ‘came to’ and realized I shouldn’t leave that stuff around. I went to the kitchen, intendING to throw the spiral away, set it down, got a drink, the phone rang, I answered. And left the spiral in the kitchen, forgotten.
An hour later my mother comes to me with the spiral and “questions”.
I won’t get into it but she described how a lot of my stories……wouldn’t really ever happen and were a bit extreme. She threw it away and it never came back up” – KMApok

 

“My dad found out how to stream videos from his phone to the TV, he’s testing it out and 16 year old me asks to have a go, I scroll randomly through all these untitled videos he has in his phone and click on one. The dirtiest filthiest gangbang porn pops up on the TV in front of both of us and I just had him the phone and walk out, never spoke about this since.” – rootednewt

Yep, never again.

 

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