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13 Exes Share The Dumbest Ways Their Partner Tried To Win Them Back

13 Exes Share The Dumbest Ways Their Partner Tried To Win Them Back

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4 replies on “13 Exes Share The Dumbest Ways Their Partner Tried To Win Them Back”

True story:

Back in 1994, I took my then girlfriend to a beautiful little country house in Devon, deep in a picturesque forest. It had been twice been voted as the most romantic hotel in Britain and I could see why. It was like something out of a Disney movie. I took her horseriding and we dined in the Michelin starred restaurant and I’d arranged a bouquet of 100 red roses in our room, a four poster bedroom suite with a blue floral pattern.

It cost me almost all I had saved up, because I was a student and part-time bartender and not long ago I’d been supplementing our income by volunteering for medical experiments, donating pieces of vital organs.

Notwithstanding that this was St Valentines Day…

Everyone reading this should have realised by this point that I was planning to propose to her. Except her.

As we sat in the living room after dinner, sipping a desert wine and my right hand in my pocket clutching a ring, she opened up about how terribly sad she was. Her ex-boyfriend had returned from overseas, and after they made out, he bragged that he’d cheated on her at every possible opportunity, including with an underage relative.

The words “Hang on, rewind a bit to the part where you two made out..” was, in her mind not the correct reaction to her tale of woe about how badly she’d been betrayed. She was angry. I wasn’t angry, but I was obviously deeply concerned and worried.

I didn’t even get laid. We lay in that goddamn four poster bed looking up at that blue floral print. Citing ‘incompatibility’ she broke up with me while we lay in that bed, before I even got my dick wet. Six months I’d scrimped and saved. Four months of planning and organising. Not even a peck on the cheek, let alone so much as a hand job. We drove home in silence, as she stewed over how badly I’d wronged her by not understanding her emotional turmoil.

However, that’s not about how a crazy ex tried to win me back. No; that’s just the preamble, setting the stage.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve been dating another gal for half that time. I’m about ready to propose again.

The woman shows up out of the blue. THE WOMAN. I’ve been living as an expat in Hong Kong and she came out from England after me. She asks me along with a mixed group of her friends to go skiing in Japan and after a week hanging out with them in a lovely little log cabin, she and I are sat in the living room alone and she comes up with “Thomas proposed to me, so I came all the way to ask you if you want to marry me instead.”

What a tale! That read like a mini “War and Peace”. Brilliant story. I have to know…what did you tell her?

“You left me for good reason; you said we weren’t compatible. The fact that your first reaction to his asking you to marry him was to ask me first tells me he’s even more incompatible. No; not only shouldn’t we marry, you shouldn’t marry him either.”

I went back to my girlfriend and married her. “The Woman” went back to her BF and gave him the we’re not compatible speech I received years before.

A few years after that, and a similar number of boyfriends later, she gets knocked up with twins, marries her baby daddy deep into get third trimester, and I end up signing her wedding licence as witness for the groom, while my wife reveled in my discomfort from the pews.

Despite our history and the fact that she gave the best knee buckling blowjob this man has ever had the privilege to experience, my wife is totally confident I won’t leave her for The Woman, having turned down the chance and given her away.

Her twin daughters are another matter.

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