13 Of The Dumbest Things Our Brains Have Done On Auto-Pilot


Sometimes your brain is just chugging along, making you do things you barely realize you’re doing. Most of the time it’s mundane bs you’ve done 1,000 times, but sometimes it malfunctions and you come to the realization you are doing something oh so very stupid.




SolarEXtract — Hey, but nice, don’t have to go to work.

Getty Images

Wake up and get ready to go to work, only to realize that I was just taking a nap after work.


nursejacqueline — A modern day love story, kinda.

Getty Images

I used to work in telephone triage (the nurses you call at all hours of the night for advice), and would sometimes have to call the on-call doctor for additional help or to call in a prescription.
And on nights when I wasn’t working, I would call my mom at night and our conversations would end with “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”
You see where this is going…
One night around 1am, I called the on-call doc to ask a question and she ended the conversation with “Good night”.
So my sleep-deprived autopilot brain immediately responded with “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”
The best part? Her equally sleep-deprived brain responded with “Ok, love you too!” before hanging up.
She called back about 2 minutes later and we had a good long laugh about it.


MermaiderMissy — Be gone, tongs.

Getty Images

I was at my old job serving chicken, long ass line so I was in auto pilot.
After the last person in line, I tell them to have a good day and threw my tongs across the room, into the trash.
I stood there for a minute wondering why the fuck I did that. Then of course I retrieved the tongs and washed them.


Dudley317 — Brushing your teeth is one of the most auto-pilot things we do.

Getty Images

Brushing my teeth one time while wondering round the house and without thinking I just spat the toothpaste out on the floor.
Thought I had a stroke or something


Xioshi449 — Your dog was probably pumped as hell.

Getty Images

Morning alarm went off (in winter, so still dark) got up, made coffee, fed the dog, took her out, looked around and realized it was ‘too’ dark came back inside and realized it was 3AM not 6AM, I had dreamt the alarm and never questioned it… the pathetic thing is we have many decorative clocks… I must have walked by 5 while getting ready.


GiveMeSteeringWheel — Uhh, yes I found my cash register just fine?

Getty Images

I had to go to Walmart once after finishing my midnight cashier shift from a competing grocery retailer across the street. I absentmindedly grabbed my stuff, approached the cashier and asked her if she found everything ok. We stared at each other blankly for a little bit.


TheSoapbottle — Your theory may be right.

Getty Images

I was driving my car and had a build up of saliva. So i rolled down the window, looked down, and spat directly on my crotch while driving.
I spent the rest of the drive wondering if I’m actually mentally challenged and everyone’s just too nice to tell me.


NuclearExchange — Well, you gave it a try. There’s something to be said for that.

Getty Images

In high school, I tried reading Dante. The book had one page in Italian and the next in English. It was late, and I got halfway through a page of Italian before I realized it. I don’t understand Italian.


imdatingbatman — Oh yeah, this is a common brain lapse.

Getty Images

When I wear contacts, my hand automatically tries to push imaginary glasses up my nosebridge


Ask_A_Sadist — We are dumb creatures of habit.

Getty Images

Drove myself to my ex girlfriends house when I was supposed to be going to dinner with my new girlfriend. I didn’t snap out of it until I was on my ex’s front porch about to knock. I went on shit and went to turn away when my ex opened her door asking why I was there and if everything was okay. I just awkwardly stumbled over my words, turned away and walked back to my car and drove off.


costadelsos — Be free, eggs!

Getty Images

Cracking an egg into the trash. Grabbing another one, doing the same thing again. Happened to me three times before I snapped out of it.


MudShark419 — Ah yes, my home is not a vehicle.

Getty Images

Spend a good minute trying to unlock my front door with my car remote, while my car is sat about five yards behind me going ka-chunk-flash-flash every time.


JaniePage — “I laughed so hard, I died in traffic.”

Getty Images

I used to work out with my personal trainer straight after work, in a gym that was in the basement of my workplace. I would then of course go straight home.
One time we had to workout during my lunch break, and I was naturally tired after the workout. On autopilot I drove halfway home and then had to drive back to work once I figured out the answer to question, ‘Why the hell is it so light tonight? It’s really weird.’
I texted this to my trainer while he was walking home. He laughed so hard he was nearly hit by a car.

Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors