13 Thoughts Every Guy Has Had During Sex

“Thiiiis does not feel right. Is it in correctly? Ok now it’s just hurting. I think I hit a bone? Is that a thing? Vagina bones??”




“Am I leaning on her hair? Oh god I just shifted my arm and I think I ripped out a chunk of hair.”


“OK I need to make sure I last a while, but not TOO long or it just gets uncomfortable. Let’s just find a balance of excitement and distraction that’s good enough to make her want to do this with me again.”


“Was that sound real or fake? Is she faking because she likes me and wants me to keep going or because it’s awful and she wants to get it over with?”


“A minute ago she was making sounds, but now she’s silent. Is that good or bad? Should I keep doing it this way or switch it up? Should I leave?”


“I need to say something sexy but I think I just mumbled something about her boobs being cool. What is wrong with me?”


“Omg I slightly changed positions and she straight up moaned. I’m basically the lord of sex now.”


“Is she mentioning her butt because I grabbed it or because she wants me to try some butt stuff? I guess I’ll just rub her butt for 20 minutes and see what happens?”


“Wait, one of us needs to hold still because when I go up you go down. Now we both stopped. This is like when someone is trying to unlock the car door but the other person keeps pulling the handle.”


“Is it weird that I’m super hungry right now?” (This is when you’ll start thinking about what leftovers are in your fridge and get totally distracted)


“I’m like 2 minutes from finishing. TIME FOR TURBO MODE!”


(30 seconds after you finish) “Annnnd I’m falling asleep.”


2 replies on “13 Thoughts Every Guy Has Had During Sex”

If we get cleaned up quick, we could still get to the pub before last orders?

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