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13 WORLD RECORDS OF STUPIDITY AND IDIOCY

There’s a thin line between mental retardation and genius. Only about 60 IQ points. Some of the following records fall into the former category, while others could be classified as strangely impressive. If anything, these people make it clear that any one of us can be outliers in our own way.

Woman Caught Speeding Three Times in One Hour
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On July 7, Kai Kitchen — not to be confused with the Chinese restaurant — was busted going 93 mph along I-81 in Dublin, Virginia. Forty minutes later, she was clocked going 97 mph. Kitchen apparently thought she was invisible, because a mere 20 minutes later, police pulled her over a third time for going 94 mph. The smooth criminal was booked and released with a $1,000 fine. She is no longer allowed to drive in the state of Virginia for an entire year.

Oldest Prostitute
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Meet Sheila Vogel-Coupe. At 85 years old, she decided against becoming a Walmart greeter and instead chose the world’s oldest profession. At $420 an hour, could you blame her? The Mirror reports that she “entertains” up to 10 clients a week. And by “entertains,” I mean she has sex with armies of GILF hunters looking for a good time.

“They see something about me. It’s a nice feeling. I know I am very, very sexy.” That’s up for debate. Coupe began fornicating more than an SEC sorority girl after her husband died of natural causes. “I love sex,” she put it simply. She is the oldest known prostitute ever to have her services publicly advertised on mass media.

The Only Person to Ever Jump Off the Golden Gate Bridge for Fun and Survive

Otter Vilagomez is a dumbass. A brave, beautiful, innocent dumbass. In 2011, the then-17-year-old California kid was on a field trip visiting San Francisco Bay when he decided to impress his friends. He took one look at water 220 feet below and said, “No big.” Otter didn’t know that 98 percent of people die when they jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, hitting the water at speeds of up to 75 mph. It is the most popular spot in the world for suicide.

“It felt like getting hit by a truck,” he said. When he slammed into the water, he suffered only bruising and tenderness. A surfer nearby who paddled to Otter said Otter told him he did it just “for kicks.” He somehow hit the water at an angle with his slim frame and survived. That, or his thick skull broke his fall. Since 1937, 1,600 people have leaped to their deaths from the bridge, and Otter is the only one to have done it with a smile on his face and lived to tell the tale.

Bulgarian Man Registers a .914% BAC
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In December 2004, a man from Plovdiv, Bulgaria, was taken to the hospital after a car crash. He spoke clearly and coherently, giving no impression that he was tanked like an Irishman with alcohol poisoning. The anonymous man registered a BAC so high that doctors thought their equipment was broken. They had to do the test five times. It is obvious this Bulgarian legend had those Ozzy Osbourne genes because no mortal man could survive such an astronomical blood-booze level. He was also 67.

Wisconsin Man Eats 28,000 Big Macs
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Like the Bulgarian boozehound above, Don Gorske seems to have some special metabolism designed to withstand tremendous stress. In 1972, Gorske began eating Big Macs and never looked back. “I promised myself that no matter how rotten things would get, I would have a Big Mac every day,” he said. It’s surprising things haven’t gotten more rotten for him. In 2006, the Guinness people awarded him the honor after tallying 26,000 Big Macs to his resume. He has since continued with his McDiscipline and is probably well beyond the 28,000 mark at this point.

Michigan Woman Takes a 26-Foot-Long Poop
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“In February 1995, working in conjunction with nutritionists at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, I adopted a super fiber-rich diet which allowed me to successfully produce a single extruded excrement measuring the exact length of my colon: 26 feet.” These were the words of Michelle Hines, who, in 1995, squat-walked along a bowling alley lane to create the longest turd ever cut. Some have said it was a hoax, but I choose to believe it was real. It was documented in her art piece titled “World Record #4: Peristaltic Action.” Art students…

Woman Marries 23 Times
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Linda Wolfe of Indiana is the most married woman of all time. She is literally “addicted to the romance.” Over the course of her life, Wolfe has married two homosexuals, two hobos and a one-eyed convict. As a publicity stunt, she married the most married man, Jack Gourley, who had racked up an impressive 29 ex-wives before he died (likely from alimony payments).

Australian Plays “Call of Duty” for 135 Hours Straight
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In 2012, a 28-year-old smashed the Guinness World Record for longest gaming session. He was able to accomplish the feat by taking short breaks, presumably to poo, pee and power nap. To avoid blood clots which have actually killed chronic gamers in the past, Okan Kaya occasionally played on a stair master. “My hands were cramping up and I went through a lot of bandages,” he told the Australian Associated Press.

The $4.1 Million Car Wreck
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Eight Ferraris, one Lamborghini and three Mercedes Benzes. In December 2011, luxury automobile enthusiasts traveling to a festival in Hiroshima created a 14-car wreck. One of the Ferrari drivers tried to change lanes and struck another. According to World Record Academy, it was the most expensive wreckage of all time. Thankfully, no one died, except for that Ferrari driver’s bank account.

Chicago Woman Racks Up 678 Parking Tickets
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Parking at O’Hare International can be expensive. Just ask Jennifer Fitzgerald, a 1999 Chevy Monte Carlo owner who left it there for three years. From November 17, 2009 to April 30, 2012, she accrued a depressing $105,761 in fines. Thankfully, she had a good lawyer, and in 2013 the fine was dropped to only $4,470. Employees at Chicago O’Hare apparently thought it was a cash cow and never reported the vehicle’s three-year presence.

The Only Known Plane Crash Caused by a Crocodile
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Eighteen people, including pilot Chris Wilson, died in a plane crash in the Congo after the reptilian in question escaped from a passenger’s bag. Investigators said that a stampede of panicked flyers rushed to the front of the plane, causing it to stall and plummet to earth. The croc was allegedly only two to three feet long.

Oldest Male Stripper — 60 Years Old
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Not idiotic, but awesomely off-kilter. In 2003, Bernie Barker was recognized as the oldest male stripper by the Guinness Record Book. He did it for noble reasons: He was diagnosed with colon cancer and stripped to keep in shape. In his brief, bright career, Barker titled in 42 stripper contests. He tragically succumbed to the cancer and died in 2007. But like a sexy Walter White, he heroically went out in a blaze of glory.

Longest Ear Hair — 10 Inches
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He combined his hair and washed it with the finest herbal shampoos. He ignored stares and the pleas of his wife to cut it. For they didn’t know. In 2003, Radhakant Baijpai accomplished what he set out to do from the age of 18: get recognized for his extraterrestrial-like ear hair. It measured an astounding 25 centimeters. As for his wife’s opinion, he told the Daily Mail, “She has always been asking me to cut my ear-hair, but since the official record as confirmed by Guinness, she has allowed me to keep it because it is a source of pride for me.” You do you, boo.

Source   I Am Bored

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