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14 Horribly Embarrassing Moments From People’s Childhoods That Can’t Be Forgotten –

 

 

You know you’ve done something insanely embarrassing when it’s a decade later and you STILL feel the cringe. Be warned, you will feel their shame upon reading these horrible tales.

1

JunkieMcflunky — Sick prank.

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I liked this boy in my art class and found out through some mutual friends that he lived a few blocks from me. So instead of just talking to him at school like a sane person would I decided Id get his attention by sneaking out of my house at 4am with a big bag of garbage, walking all the way to his house, throwing the garbage all over his lawn, then ringing his doorbell and running back home. The next day at school I asked him if anything weird happened at his house last night, when he said yeah I revealed that I was the one who “pranked” his family last night. He just awkwardly said “oh okay.” and didn’t talk to me for a few months after that. What the fuck was I thinking?

2

ExplainsTurboSloth — “Hey teacher have u fucked on a plane yes or no”

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I was in high school and asked a teacher if she was a member of the Mile High Club in front of the class.
I had never flown before and was not aware that the Mile High Club was for people who had sex in a plane. I was thinking about the memberships where you sit in private rooms to wait for your plane and get free things. Basically wanted to kill myself afrerward. Yes she was attractive, no she did not answer.

3

TealHousewife — “When I was about 7 or 8, I MURDERED AN ELDERLY COUPLE.”

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When I was about 7 or 8, my dad had custody of me and my sister every other weekend. My mom would drop us off with him Fridays, and he’d always take us to this nice shopping area where we’d go buy some Babysitters Club books and have dinner. We always parked in the same parking garage, and I always ran ahead three floors down the stairwell because I liked to hide underneath the stairs and jump out and yell “Boo!” when I would hear my dad and sister start coming down the last flight.
Only, one time I did it, and it wasn’t my dad and my sister at all. It was an elderly couple who must have entered on a lower level ahead of my family. They had to be in their seventies. The woman gasped and clutched her chest and they almost fell down the stairs. I thought she was having a heart attack. I was MORTIFIED. I don’t even really remember what I said to them. My dad apologized to them, and then he and my sister proceeded to make fun of me for years. That was almost 30 years ago now, and my face STILL gets all hot from even thinking about it.

4

i_am_smitten_kitten — Oh god no. I can feel the cringe and regret as if it were my own.

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Oh god. When I was like 7 or 8, a friend of my parents had a baby. They already had a 4 year old girl too. My dad and I were watching as the other dad showed the 4 year old how to change a nappy.
I had recently seen the first Austin Powers movie.
So I said, in my infinite wisdom, “does that make you horny baby, yeah”, as the four year old girl was wiping her baby sister.
My dad was mortified.
In hindsight, so am I.

5

Komacho — Spotlight shiner did not help this situation.

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My mom took my brother and I to the circus when I was about 5 or 6. We got slushie drinks during the circus that were pretty frozen. Trying to break up a big piece of ice I jammed the straw to the bottom of the styrofoam cup putting a hole in the bottom and getting cherry slushie all over me. I started to cry when everybody was quiet watching the the tightrope walker do his thing. Here I am screaming, covered in red stuff and a spotlight shines on me. A lot of people gasped thinking something really bad was happening. They stopped the show for a few minutes. The only thing more red than my shirt was my mom’s face. I still think about that from time to time, and call my mom to apologize sometimes when I’m drunk.

6

ShlomoKenyatta — Booger Floor McGee over here.

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In elementary school I used to pick my nose, drop my pencil “by accident”, then wipe my boogers into the carpet when my hand was already down there to pick up my pencil. Two problems with my foolproof plan:
I wasn’t discreet AT ALL with the actual nasal excavation
I did this shit like every five minutes

7

ashicolaa — The other mom had to be so confused.

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When I was in kindergarten waiting outside to be picked up by my mom, I saw her approaching. I closed my eyes and ran at her and hugged her. Opened my eyes and I apparently I had not aimed correctly as I was hugging the wrong woman. One of my classmates yelled at me to “stop hugging their mom”.
I still think about it.

8

plumblenugget — Kindergarteners are unassumingly brutal, at times.

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Growing up my parents reeeally wanted to make sure I wouldn’t smoke – most of my grandparents passed from smoking-related illnesses, so this is understandable. Except they drilled it in my head a little too hard.
One day in kindergarten a classmate was absent. The next day she was there, and she was super sad. We asked her what happened, and she said that her grandma died of lung cancer.
I told her it served her right.
The teacher was not pleased.
I apologized the next day as well as a five-year-old could, but damn if that hasn’t stuck with me since.
e: I’d like to think my empathy skills have improved over the years.

9

masterchefcanada — Oh nooo.

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Me and my friend were playing with some robot dog toy or something, but it died. Went into my parents room knowing the dresser beside their bed had a package of batteries.
We rummaged through the drawer and accidentally stumbled across my parents sex toy and some dirty magazines. Our immediate idea is to prank my older sister and plant them in her room. Ultimately we decide that would be too mean, since she wasn’t a part of the discovery and it wouldn’t be funny to her. We grab the batteries and return to our dog toy.
Anyways, long story short, my friend thought it would be funny to plant the dildo and mags in my room. I shouldn’t have trusted her, but the second I went to the bathroom she snuck them under my bed.
I didn’t realize for the entire weekend. Monday morning at school, she comes up to me dying of laughter and asks what my parents said. I didn’t really get what she meant, then she spilled the beans—my parents dildo and porn magazines are under my bed frame. Cue to me running home after school praying to god my parents don’t realize what is missing from their bedside drawer.
My moms acting funny when I get home. She asks how my day is, I say fine. She tells me she cleaned my room for me in this really weird tone.
My stomach drops into my stomach and I’m like Fuck, great, my parents think I actively stole and used their dildo. I drop my bag off in my room and look under my bed, and everything is gone. She definitely found the dildo.
I was so shy and awkward I just fucking avoided them for as long as possible. I should have just told them my best friend was pranking me but the idea of talking to my parents about their dildo made me want to die. So I just didn’t. So my parents have continued on, to this day, thinking I took their dildo and porn magazines and hid them under my bed.

10

ChiefFlats — What in the world?

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When I was around 5 or so I used to go to the side of my house with a shovel to shit. Now you might be thinking I dug a hole a shit in it. I wish. I would defecate onto the shovel and then fling it over the gate, onto the street. I remember eventually getting caught and having a very awkward talk with my parents.

11

HereToBoopSnoots — Always blame the dog.

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I was at a sleepover in middle school. I had gotten new pajamas and everything. I was so excited because I really wanted to be friends with these girls.
Woke up in the middle of the night, only to find I had wet myself. I had to sneak into her sisters room where we put our bags to find a change of pants. All I had were jeans. When everyone woke up I told them I got cold…
My mom told me I smelled when I got in the car to go home. I told her their beagle smelled bad and slept with me all night.

12

buffywho — Gotta keep that jaw hinged.

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I’m 39 and I still think about my first almost kiss, it was so awkward and embarrassing.
I was 11 or 12 and at camp, we were playing spin the bottle. I was a really naive little girl and didn’t quite understand what I was getting myself into,
The bottle landed on me and I stood up to kiss the older and far more experienced boy in front of me.
I essentially unhinged my jaw and opened up my mouth really wide to kiss him.
He stepped back and took one look and me and said “No.”

13

Canalbreads — Well it beats running into spooky, late night ghosts.

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When I was like 7 or 8 I was staying over at a friends for a sleepover. Had to go to the bathroom late at night but it was down a super creepy dark corridor and was too spooked. Friend suggested I pee in one of his baby brothers diapers and I was so desperate that I did. His mom came in to find me holding a soaked diaper with piss all over the floor whilst he was laughing hysterically. 1/10 want to die every time it comes back to me, which is at least twice a week.

14

Yimmorn — This one made me feel uncomfortable FOR them.

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When I was a kid I used to watch tv with my parents, and I watched a couple french kiss. So I thought that was how you were supposed to kiss everyone. So later my mom asked for a kiss from me, and I tried to french kiss her.

 

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