There’s no getting around the fact that breakups just suck. Getting your heart broken is one of the worst feelings you can go through. Some people will tell you that it’s better to have lost and lost than never to have loved at all. I’m still waiting for the statistics to come in on that one.
Tis better to have loved and lost. It's really great. Just the best.
— Night Vale podcast (@NightValeRadio) April 2, 2015
While there’s no surefire, one-size-fits-all method for getting over heartbreak, other people’s advice can sometime be useful. Sometimes not. For example, there are a lot of people who tell you to delete your ex’s contact info from your phone. Okay, fine, but I’ve had months-long text conversations with someone listed in my phone as “NOOOOOOOOO,” so obviously that doesn’t quite work for me.
If you feel bad enough, it’s always wise to seek out the help of a therapist. But hey, if you can’t get a therapist, random strangers on an internet website are the next best thing, right? (Ummmm.)
Over on Reddit, people gave advice to the newly single (or oldly single but still hung up on their exes). Some of it might actually be helpful! And at least it’ll distract you from looking at pictures of your ex for a few minutes.
1. Rugarbage listed the first rule of breakups: absolutely NO CONTACT.
Go absolutely no contact (there’s a subreddit you can visit). And time passing. I still feel a rock in my stomach when I see my ex and it’s been two years. But my unhappiness and anxiety that followed the break up are gone.
(By the way, that subReddit is ExNoContact.)
2. Mouseratfan123 advises unfollowing or unfriending them on every social media platform available—Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat…ALL of it.
I won’t lie it took me longer than I thought. Initially I was checking his social media constantly. It was a bit creepy of me I know- but I felt like I needed to do it to see what he was doing. Then I realized he put me on limited fb profile (there was another girl and photos of them tagged together, so I’m assuming to protect me). That was my breaking point. I unfriended him, unfollowed him on Twitter and Instagram and deleted him off snapchat. I also had to delete all the pictures of him from my phone/ Instagram so I wasn’t reminded of our memories. It was so so hard to do this but I can absolutely say it’s what got me over him. I wasn’t burdened with his name or what he was doing popping up when I’m scrolling through social media. I wasn’t tempted to check on what he was doing. I wasn’t hurt when I saw him having fun with other girls and people. It was a much needed cleanse. I suppose it depends on how the relationship ends… For us it wasn’t good so it’s not like I plan on talking to him again/ want to see what he’s doing. If you stay on good terms I don’t think the cleanse is necessary. For me it helped so much
Aside form the cleanse distractions were key. I started focusing more on myself. Putting more time and energy into working out, spending time with friends, and my school work. The results were amazing too. As long as you aren’t sitting around sulking about what could have been or what he did to you, you’re doing the right thing. I did spend the first week doing that and I was a sad mess that no one knew what to do with (parents and friends were like wtf). It’s okay to be sad. Breakups fucking suck. But you can’t let them consume your life
3. Thanks to incrediblywittyname, I learned a new word: limerence.
its a bitch.
it takes time, do everything you can to be active and constructive without them. having a part of your mind not want to move on is a drag but undoing that is not easy for some of us.
i need meaningful connections with others. (conversations, hanging out, friends, etc) build up my self worth (i dont need them), remind yourself why your not with them anymore.
i am not a proponent of distracting yourself by meeting some one right away. that can lead to the same mistakes you may have made in the last relationship. make effort to make it better the next relationship.
4. Stinks_McGee advises doing your best to let go of your anger (even if that anger is currently trying to Krazy glue itself to your heart).
Don’t hold on to anger. Wish them well in your head. Hope that they find whatever the hell they are looking for.
It’s a thousand times easier process positive thoughts and outlook rather than anger/negative. Even if they were a total shit, just stop contact and wish them well in your head.
Remember, they’re likely just as fucked up as you, you just don’t get to see it and confirm.
5. Jan_Michael__Vincent recommends telling your ex everything you’re feeling—in a letter. NOTE: DO NOT MAIL THIS LETTER.
Write all the things that you didn’t like about your ex. Read it over, accept that it wouldn’t have worked out in the long run, throw that list away. Throw/hide everything that reminds you of your ex. Get a haircut, and accept that your ex was a part of your life to help you grow as a person. There is someone out there that you will meet, and fall in love with. Don’t go out, and hook up with whoever to make yourself feel better. Work on yourself, and you will get better with time. Edit: don’t contact your fucking ex either.
6. VoidFunction1 suggests not trying so hard to get over your ex. It’s okay to mourn the relationship and take as much time as you need.
I don’t think you’re really supposed to “get over” your ex. It’s pretty contradictory. How could you just forget and not care about someone whom you truly loved? It’s like “getting over” your mom. Maybe we feel bad when we’re “getting over” an ex exactly because we’re trying to get over. Thinking negative about someone whom you cared for soo much, whom you talked to soo much, and felt all those good feelings with, sounds like something that would hurt.
So instead of getting over an ex, maybe just… don’t get over an ex. Accept that you love them, care about them. Accept that they had influence on your life (think about it, they most likely did). They made you more mature – it was an experience from which almost everyone could learn something. And your ex cared about you too. They would never be with you if they never were truly interested in you. They would never be with you if they never loved you. But now it’s just time to move on. You don’t have to hate them. You don’t have to ignore them and block them from your life. And you don’t have to be hurt when you see them find someone new. Your ex that is now with someone new is still the same person, whom you also at one point had, and you certainly shouldn’t want someone whom you cared about so much to be lonely and sad.
7. For katrina_devort, basically the opposite is true. She instructs people going through breakups to set an amount of time that they will allow themselves to be sad, and then it’s back to business. Not wallowing is her way of taking back control.
I give myself a time limit. A week, 2 weeks, a month, whatever is best. For me, it was a week. I gave myself a week to just. Be. Sad. I lied in bed, I barely ate, I smoked a ton of cigarettes, and didn’t leave my bed. I literally just let myself be sad. And then once that week was up, I forced myself out of bed, put on my make up, and decided to be social.
I know it doesn’t sound like much, but one of the reasons a break up is so hard is because it’s the lack of control you have over how you feel and the outcome of the situation. This method, for me, at least gives a little bit of myself back, makes it easier when that week is up, and makes going through the next few weeks easier, too.
8. Deus_extra suggests making this a time to focus on loving yourself, not your ex.
Realize that being single allows you to spend your love on YOURSELF, and not on someone who probably didn’t deserve it in the first place. If you do want to look for someone look for someone who can do things for you that your ex couldn’t (or wouldn’t). Ex: Be faithful, appreciate you, have your best interest in mind, enjoy having sex with you, treat you like an equal, etc. There are probably countless things wrong with your ex that you can’t see, because you still love them. Start loving yourself and move on from them.
9. BKHalo gives common advice—exercise! Not only will it increase your dopamine levels, you’ll be getting healthy, too.
Go running and keep running every day until you’re more focused on improving your running than being sad about your ex-girlfriend. Not only are you now (mostly) over her, you’re in awesome shape and run super fast!
10. According to heykidsitscox, a haircut is a good idea. Change things up so you feel a bit more like a whole new person.
“get a haircut”
God damn, I tell people this all the time. If you’re having a rough patch, get a haircut.
It helps me every time.
11. And change up the way your phone looks, too, per tellmetheworld. That’ll help get rid of reminders of your ex. New look for yourself, new look for your phone.
change the background screen on your phone. You’ve probably come to associate seeing that with texts from them when they come. But this subtle change can help eliminate small triggers.
12. Remember, as glowzChild says, you deserve someone who actually wants to be with you.
I kept no contact and tried to stay as busy as possible. Made new friends, and occasionally I’d let myself cry. It’s healthy and I’d feel better afterwards. Realizing that I’d rather be with somebody that actually wanted to be with me and fight with me instead of settling because it was easy was a long time coming. If this person doesn’t want to be with you, leave. It hurts like hell because you like/love them so much, but nothing you can do will make them like/love you back if they don’t want to.
Loving yourself, as silly as it might sound, is also incredibly important. If you don’t like you, no one else will. I got over my ex by learning to love who I am and being proud of who I am.
13. Downvote_for_peter offers the ol’ tried and true “get a hobby.” Just not one that involves lurking on your ex’s social media accounts.
Find a healthy hobby. Wait. And wait some more. Wait as long as it takes.
Eventually your life will begin to be defined by much more than just your ex.
14. Braavosiwaterdancer offers some age-old advice. Be forewarned, though: this doesn’t work for everyone.
By getting under someone else. Works for some, makes others feel worse.