14 Wedding Night Disasters That’ll Make You Stay Single Forever
Usually on your wedding day, you pray that it doesn’t rain and people don’t get too wasted. If you’re lucky, it will all go to plan. But, the wedding day isn’t over until after the wedding night. These people didn’t have the best of luck…
“Terrible. We got back to the hotel, I carried her across the threshold, and we began to consummate our vows. Moments after we started, there’s a knock at the door. It’s my mom. She then said we should both come down and visit with the family. Not preferred.”
“She sat on the floor in front of me. We watched TV while I took the 6,000 hairpins out of her hair. It was a horrible game of pick up sticks as they were all intertwined. After that we crashed.”
“When the wedding reception hall where we partied post-ceremony informed us we had to leave, we took the party to my place. We had at least 10+ bottles of hard liquor left so we continued drinking without losing a beat. At some point, I passed out and my friends took me to my bed. Shortly after, I puked all over my bed. My wife took off the sheets and brought me a bucket and spent the rest of the night taking care of me.”
“Friend of mine from school waited until the wedding night. He was a virgin and I believe she was too. Both very attractive but very religious. No birth control used by her so he, being a responsible guy, used a condom. Shortly after starting he started experiencing some discomfort. A persistent burning and tingling that crescendoed in intensity. He stopped and removed the condom and noticed some severe reddening and swelling in his nethers. A short time later he was in the ER getting IV steroids and Benadryl with his brand new bride at his side. And that was how he found out he has a latex allergy.”
“I got a little too drunk on my wedding night. Who am I kidding, I was wasted. Everyone kept buying me drinks so I kept on drinking.
So my wife and I finally get into bed, and we both agree it’s not going to happen. So off to sleep I go.
Well, my flesh wasn’t willing, but the spirit sure was. You see, I suffer from a condition called Sexsomnia. Some people sleep walk, some people sleep talk, I sleep fuck. I tend to fondle my wife in my sleep. The poor thing has gotten used to it, usually giving me a pinch to stop me.
Well, that night she didn’t realise my condition was acting up. She thought I had sobered up and wanted to consummate the marriage. So it happens and away we go.
And I woke up halfway through.
I was so confused! And seeing my reaction, my wife figured out what had happened. We had a laugh about it, and since we had started we decided to finish it.”
“Pretty terrible. We had just found out a couple days ago that we were pregnant, we had spent the day of the wedding searching for a new venue and redirecting people because the original one got dropped from underneath us, her parents were upset about something and decided they weren’t coming, and we found bed bugs in our hotel room. Don’t get me wrong, it was a really fun day too. We just had to deal with a lot of crap in a very short time span. Plus we now have a really awesome 2-year-old!”
“During our wedding, I had a close girlfriend of ours go back to the small cabin we had rented for post-wedding consummation, and spread beautiful flower petals everywhere. ‘A trail of them leading to the bed,’ I told her with a wink. She took it upon herself to take this task seriously. Flower petals everywhere. All over the nice cabin floor, the couch, and all over the bed.
“So, we go back tithe cabin all tipsy and proceed to consummate our new partnership as husband and wife all over the floor, couch and yes, the bed. It was awesome. Until the next morning when we realized that our overzealous and slightly sloppy game of ‘let’s pretend this is our first time’ had caused the petals to stain everything. The white couch and pillows were now splotched with red petal juice, the hardwood floor was stained like a horrific scene from a cliche horror movie with a cabin in the woods, the bed and duvet were both completely ruined. And yes her wedding dress now looked like had been washed with my red socks. It was awesome, and we spent our first morning as a couple scrubbing the floor. Yes, we lost our damage deposit.”
“Awful! Parents rented a hotel room for the reception since it snowed that day and would be doing so all night. Parents insisted that they stay in the hotel room instead of my husband and me. Parents had me babysit my 11-year-old brother so they could have alone time on my wedding night. Husband had to work at midnight as well since he had just started a new job and couldn’t get the day off.”
“I was 8 months pregnant when we got married. I fell asleep around 10 and my husband stayed up watching tv. I expected him to come in after a few hours so we could…. consummate our marriage. Nope. I woke up around 2:30 and he was still watching tv. I went to the bathroom whined we didn’t have sex and then went back to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep and so I leaned over to grab my iPad to read and that’s when my water broke. 7 hours later we had our son.”
“We had been having a lot of sex, and we were engaged for a year-and-a-half. We thought that abstaining for a month prior to the wedding would make wedding night sex feel new and exciting. Oh, how wrong we were. That last month was a stressful time. It would have been nice to have the physical connection and comfort we had been accustomed to.
“The night itself was disappointing. We were exhausted. We were slightly drunk. We weren’t exactly turned on, our bodies weren’t ready, but we had built the whole thing up in our minds. We wanted that special ‘fireworks’ experience, and we each knew the other expected us to perform, so we forced it. It was the first crappy sex we had as a couple.”
“No sex. Basement of my aunt and uncle’s house with my parents upstairs as we all hunkered down in a hurricane. if you can avoid getting married as a hurricane barrels down on you I would recommend it.”
“Horrible. Neither of us had ever had sex and didn’t really have realistic expectations. The next morning he informed me that it wasn’t very good for him and he felt maybe he loved me more ‘like a good friend.’ Honeymoon over. Due to strict, religious upbringing, we lasted 17 years before I had to just go.”
“Got done with the reception, spent an hour or so taking her out of her dress and undoing her hair. My a—— best friend, who was also the best man, thought that putting rice on everything, the bed, our clothes, our suitcase, the bathroom, was a good idea. Made him come back to the hotel, clean everything, break into room service and get new sheets and blankets and change the bed. By the time he was done, we were tired and went to sleep.”
“We had sex, but it almost felt like an obligation. We had been on our feet for 12 hours, dressed up in more clothes than we’d ever worn in our lives, talking to people, dancing. By the time we got to our room, we’d have both been content to just go to sleep….