15 Absurd Activities More Illegal Than Owning An Assault Rifle

15 Absurd Activities More Illegal Than Owning An Assault Rifle –


America has so many laws on the books that a full audit has never been done. The land of the free, it turns out, is one of the most restrictive countries in the world, landing 86th on Freedom House’s list of 195 countries. And while we have laws against running for government office without acknowledging God (Texas) and punishing restaurants for serving margarine passed off as butter (Iowa), we can’t seem to tighten the rules around owning an assault rifle. In fact, it’s easier in many states for an 18-year-old to buy an assault rifle than it is to buy a beer. Let’s ponder the implications of this as we review 15 activities more illegal than owning an assault rifle.


Smoking weed in Texas.

Today there are still over a dozen states that consider marijuana illegal, making the term “light ’em up,” more apropos to gun fights than sparking a joint.

Being drunk in a bar in Alaska.

Maybe in the wild frontiers of Alaska, it’s a good idea to keep people sober. But making it illegal to be drunk inside a bar is like telling someone they can’t bowl inside a bowling alley. What the hell do people do in an Alaskan bar anyway?

Catching a fish with your bare hands in Indiana.

Known as “noodling,” catching a fish with your bare hands is a no-no in all but 14 states. Conspiracy theorists blame it on Big Rod.

Using, selling, distributing, or possessing confetti in Alabama.

If you’ve ever thrown a New Year’s Eve party, or have an eccentric aunt who sends you greeting cards loaded with the stuff, you can empathize with Alabama on the no-confetti law. Getting all the little bits out of your new shag rug is less fun than a colonoscopy on a cruise ship.

Falling asleep at a cheese factory in South Dakota.

Okay, this one makes total sense. No one wants spindly drool contaminating our sweet, sweet cheddar.

Sharing your Netflix password in Tennessee.

Try and stop us. How else are people going to binge on a budget?

Dwarf-tossing in an establishment in Florida.

We’re guessing things got a little out of hand in Florida (as they do). This pint-sized pastime was such a sensation in the Sunshine State that in 1989, The Little People of America got it banned. One small step for dwarf, one giant leap (not toss) for dwarf-kind.

Selling or bartering your kid in Pennsylvania.

Parenting is hard. The fact that there’s a law against selling your kid is proof. Shopping on Amazon could be a very different experience.

Not providing toilet paper in coal mines in Ohio.

Knowing that this policy had to be enforced through legislation makes us wonder what the hell is even going on in Ohio. Not cool, guys.

Adultery in Michigan.

Casual infidelity is a difficult prospect in Michigan. That explains why no French people live there.

Cursing publicly in Mississippi.

What the fuck? What is this, the third grade?

Oral sex in Maryland.

Ten-to-one odds, everyone under the age of 30 in Maryland is breaking the law, because this law sucks, and so do horny people.

Marry with an STD in Nebraska.

Listen, if you told her you have herpes and she still wants to marry you, more power to you.

Sex for single people in Virginia.

What kind of police stakeouts do the wonderful cops of Virginia get up to? At least we can sleep knowing our tax dollars are being spent wisely.

Seduce a woman via a false marriage proposal in South Carolina.

Guys, we’re totally busted. But there’s no law against using the L word.

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