15 Cops Explain The Dumbest Ways Criminals Tried To Escape

15 Cops Explain The Dumbest Ways Criminals Tried To Escape

When you’re desperate to escape the law, you’ll try anything. But when you’re also not the sharpest tool in the shed, your plans will most likely be foiled in the most embarrassing ways. Like these 15 dumb criminals. At least they tried?

1. Jgpm2c — Shitty timing for the shitty human.

I think I’ve told this before. Guy robbed a store and ran with cops right behind. So he runs into a cemetery where we were burying a family member. Well respected, known to all, police officer for twenty five years, volunteer fireman for 40. The gravesite was full of first responders in full dress uniform, police cars and fire trucks with lights flashing and this guy runs straight in. Tackled to the ground right in front of my husbands elderly great grandmother who summed it up perfectly. “Dumbass”.

2. Revenant10-15 — Mother Nature is always on your side.

Nearly every foot pursuit I’ve had has been stopped by flora. I don’t know what I’ve done that made mother nature owe me one, but every time I’ve chased someone I’ve ended up pulling them out of a bush. One guy I had for DUI took of in the middle of field sobriety tests and ran straight into a thorn bush. Instead of going in after him, I just waited patiently while he freed himself, at which point he just walked over to me and put his hands behind his back.

3. jseego — Damn, I wish there was footage.

Had a friend in college who tried to run away from a bicycle cop, thinking that if he went down some stairs on the side of a hill the cop couldn’t chase him.

He found out that apparently bike cops just dream of someone doing that, so they can take that sweet police bike offroad and perform the flying-tackle-off-a-moving-bike that they have practiced.

My friend ended up with a broken arm and had to go to court, could have just had a ticket for public drunkenness.

4. thepoochman — Small-town cops have it easier.

Had a guy with a warrant for CDS and burglary give me his brothers name. Guess he forgot we went to school together since kindergarten.

5. unrulycode — He was ready to start a new life.

My colleague was about to start the process of writing a ticket and the guy suddenly starts sprinting away, ditching his backpack, hat and coat. Thing is, we were stood outside his address, we still had his driving license, and his car was still running. He made it one mile down the road, before trying to jump a garden fence, failing, bringing the fence down and knocking himself unconscious. Talk about dramatic.

6. RichardBachman — Fella just wanted to wrestle.

I was working Oktoberfest with another MP, driving around in a golf cart making sure no one got out of hand. We notice one guy in particular who has all the signs. Yelling, aggressive, spilling beer (you have to be pretty drunk to spill a $7 beer). So we start driving over to make sure someone in his group can keep control over him.

He sees us coming and takes off running. The entire event is surrounded by a 10 foot chain link fence. There are 2 openings, the main entrance/exit in the front and a staff entrance on one side. He starts running for the staff entrance. We drive behind him, but start to notice he’s not quite headed for the giant opening in the fence. Instead, he ends up about 6 feet to the right of it and just starts climbing the fence. We just rolled through the opening and waited for him to drop on the other side.

That was the easy part, though. The hard part was getting the cuffs on the fucker. It took 3 grown men. We found out later he was a state champion wrestler in high school.

7. Artist_Unknown — Maybe he just really liked the song.

Kid had fled into a treeline, trying to hide with a boombox. Kid couldnt find the volume switch so sat in 50sqft of woods with music blaring. To be fair to me it was getting dark

8. seeteethree — “Look, Buddy, this is just sad. And one of us has to use the bathroom.”

Had a guy break into my place of business. He had done it recently, and the police were ready when the call came in. I let them into the building and the guy runs into the (quite small, windowless) bathroom. After a minute or so, one of the cops says, loudly, “Look, Buddy. There are 8 of us out here. We all have guns pointed at the door. You should probably just put your hands up and come out here.” Which he did.

9. GridDown3 — Love this.

Back in the ’90’s there was a fashion for trainers that had red lights in the sole/heel that lit up with every step. One night we had a call to a burglary and the lad doing the burgling was wearing these trainers. He ran off across some nearby wasteland, helpfully signalling every step…

10. bikeandybike — Now you’re getting arrested AND covered in trash.

Man fails to stop for various driving offences when requested to do so. Eventually goes down a dead end and runs from the vehicle. I chase him down an alley and find him trying to hide in 3 foot deep dustbin (trash can). He was 6’4″ tall and when kneeling in the bin had his head and chest poking out looking directly at me.

Saw a well known local who was wanted going into his house so shouted to him. He turned, looked and scurried inside his house and locked the door. Whilst shouting “Mark, come and answer I know you are in there”. A fake high pitched voice replied “Mark isn’t here”. I told him how stupid he sounded but he still wouldn’t answer the door. Ended up kicking the door in and breaking the frame.

I didn’t know people were this stupid until I did this job!

11. Oom_Poppa_Mow_Mow — Hide-n-seek for adults. Criminal adults.

I had a frequent flier who was tiny. She’d always hide in places I would never suspect. Once, she curled up inside a clothes basket with clothes on top of her. She was fun to find.

12. Pckt9s — Busted by the shoes, yet again.

My favorites are usually dumb kids like this one: houses under construction, neighbor in a completed house says kids are inside smoking and smashing things. We show up, couple bikes in the driveway, can hear them upstairs. It was fall, just had lots of rain. I’m guessing they saw or heard us pull up because we hear yelling and banging, then just more yelling from the back yard. 6 of them had jumped out ~10 foot patio doors into about 3 feet of mud, and were now stuck.

Dragged 4 of them to our cars where they immediately turned on their other two friends. When we went to their houses both tried to deny it until we asked their parents to go find their shoes, and guaranteed that theyd be covered in clay mud. They all got hefty tickets because they were not shit heads. In reality if they had just come outside for us, they would have been let go with warnings because there was no damage in the house.

Another, not a getaway story but I pulled over a drunk driver who identified himself as let’s say “John Smith”. Well my computer tells me that this guy died a year prior, and that he has a brother who sometimes uses his identity. Apparently he had no idea his brother had died. Not his best night I’m sure.

13. Liam15730 — Sometimes people forget that conductors control those things.

I once had a group of teenagers smashing a tram stop in a city centre. They saw me and ran onto the oncoming tram thinking I couldn’t keep up with it and they would be safe.

The tram driver saw what they had been doing on approach and once he pulled up just stayed stationary and locked the doors from the cabin once they were inside ….

Teenage kids looked white as ghosts when I was stood smiling other side of the door.

Parents of said teenagers looked even worse. 🙂

14. NewNormandy7 — Let this guy off the hook. He deserves it.

This dude I was chasing started flapping his arms. When I caught him, I asked “What was that about?” He said ” You never know the moment when a species is going to evolve, I thought it was a good moment to try and see if I could fly.”

15. danteculpepper — I may have $3000 worth of credit to spend, but hell if I’m not getting 50 cents off this Dentyne gum.

More “get away” with the crime…stole a credit card, but then used her own loyalty rewards card at checkout…gotta get those reward points.

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