15 Crazy Confessions Shared By Prison Inmates
Shows like Prison Break, Orange is the New Black, and Wentworth Prison have made the idea of prison almost trendy and cool. Of course, we all know, or should know, that this is far from reality. Shows such as Law & Order: Special Victims Unit have portrayed prison as a place that you never want to go to because you can be raped or murdered. There are just some things that aren’t realistic about these shows; for example, an inmate would never be allowed to drive a van, and the inside of a prison is rarely the fun time that they make it out to be.
Prison sucks! There’s a lack of freedom, and you rarely get a good night’s sleep — never mind the constant fear that’s instilled in inmates basically from the day they arrive. Inmates have even claimed that once they leave prison, that fear is still left within them to the point that they’re always looking over their shoulders. Being in prison is an entirely different world, one that is populated by both innocent and dangerous people.
Many people try to make the most out of their time in prison while others use it as a place to run businesses and rule with an iron fist. Many people try to wait out the storm until they can get out of prison, and it’s not always easy. There are many prison accounts from inmates that might surprise you. After reading some of these stories, you may think twice about doing anything that might have you winding up in prison yourself.
15. The Heroin Balloon
Drugs in prison are just a way of life, and these prison guards went to great lengths to get some heroin from a prisoner.
“My friend works at a prison hospital. A guy was sent there because the guards found out he had swallowed a balloon of heroin. They were basically just waiting for him to pass it. When he did, he immediately dug it out of his own shit and ate it again. So they waited for him to pass it yet again, watching him more carefully this time, but when he did, he somehow fought and got to his shit again and ate it a third time. I have no idea what this guy was trying to accomplish by continuing to eat the balloon again, but it almost burst inside him and could have killed him if he had been able to swallow it a fourth time.” (Thought Catalog)
14. The Serial Stabber
It would suck to be in the same cell as a serial killer; we couldn’t even imagine how awful that would be. The Serial Stabber went on a killing spree in Flint, Michigan one summer and was finally apprehended. You would always have to worry if the person might snap and kill you as well. Thankfully for all of us, he was caught, but it doesn’t help those people who are in prison with him. “There was a serial stabber in Flint, Michigan a couple of summers ago. A friend of mine went to jail for a while, and his cell was right above his. They’d have conversation[s] ranging from hating black people to politics to food. Apparently, he’d snap from totally normal to a totally racist crazy. I hope I never go to jail.” (Thought Catalog)
13. Meth Addicts Get Desperate
Being addicted to any sort of drug can make a person desperate. We hear countless stories of people who have robbed their parents or who have murdered people to get money for the drugs that they need. Prison is on a whole other level, of course, because it’s not easy to get drugs in there, so inmates have to get creative when they need a fix. In the case of these inmates, the situation was completely disgusting. “I have a friend in law that works at a county prison, and the craziest thing she has seen is when a new meth user comes in, the other meth addicts will lick any sores they have because some of the chemicals will leak out.” (Thought Catalog)
12. Violence is Everywhere
Violence is a fact of life in prison, and this girl saw it daily. “Being stuck with all these aggressive people all the time that really was the worst part. I remember one time when I first got there, a woman attacked another lady at my table where we were eating. It happened so fast, I was still sitting there when another girl had to pull me up and away from the fight. I saw why soon after, as a different girl, who had nothing to do with it (like me), caught [a] fist right to the face and had a broken eye socket or something. She was rolling on the ground screaming and crying until she got taken away by the COs to go to medical and then to segregation for fighting. I never saw her or the instigator of the fight again in my time there. No one ever tried to fight or start anything with me, but I never gave them a reason to. I stayed in my cell a lot of the time and just read and drew and wrote really long letters even when we were allowed out.”
11. Inmates Put Hits on You
Again, not surprising, but these hits don’t always come in the form of death hits. Sometimes it’s just a beat down, something that sends a message to another inmate for better behavior next time. No wonder people are terrified in prison! You never know what’s going to happen on any given day.
“So, I just got sent down the road and it was my 3rd week in the lockup. Our weekly card game goes nuts as two guys move from talking shit to throwing fists. Things quickly escalate, and the guards storm our area. While being locked down, one guy screams at the other, ‘I’m gonna put a Honey Bun Hit on your ass!’ I looked at my cellmate and was like, ‘Seriously, what kind of shit is this?’ Turns out you can have another person stomped down for the price of 20 commissary honey buns. That is some retarded gangster sh!t.” (Reddit)
10. Electric Shavers Become Vibators
Having sex is something that occurs in prison whether you want it to or not. These ladies, however, get a little creative when it comes to self-pleasure. “When you first get there, they ask if you’re addicted to anything. If you said benzos or alcohol, they dosed you up with 4mg of Klonopin a day. Anyone who’s been there before knows this, so for the first two weeks when I was in the drug treatment area (for other things, I didn’t know about the Klonopin), things were very chill. There were rooms with four bunks in them and a community bathroom with individual showers. Lots of hooking up in the bathroom stalls and showers. Something really weird: every few days they passed out electric shavers; there was one for each bunk, and there would be a line of girls using these old shavers to dry shave their legs and stuff in the bathroom. Some of them would flip them and use the non-cutting side as ‘toys.’ Gross, I never even considered shaving.” (The Talko)
9. Suicide Happens Daily
It’s really not surprising that there are so many suicides occurring in prison. You’re basically trapped in a box with no freedom, and your roommates are some of the sickest and most dangerous people in the world. What’s surprising, however, is that suicide happens daily because people can’t stand life in prison. People just give up. Especially if you’re there for a long time and you’re being harassed by other inmates, life in prison can become unbearable.
“Cousin got out recently. Craziest thing he saw was during his lunch one day: some guy intentionally leaning over a third story railing and falling on his head, breaking his neck and killing him after a few gargling moments later. Everyone just kinda looked over, went “Huh…fuck. That looked like it sucked,” and went back to eating.” (Thought Catalog)
8. You Hang With Murderers
The worst part of being in prison is sharing your time with some of the worst human beings on the planet. Regardless of why you find yourself in prison, there’s always someone there that may have done something worse than you, something horrifying and sick. It may be something you couldn’t imagine doing ever, and yet you may share a cell with someone cruel and sadistic. “Was in prison watching the news. The story on was about a kid who had stabbed two kids. He was sitting right next to me. We both shared a brief glance, then went back to our fruit loops.” (Thought Catalog)
We find that the scariest murderers are kids because it’s the last thing you would ever expect a child to do, the act of hurting another child. It’s not a natural thought, which makes situations like that so much more creepy.
7. Mysterious Deaths
We often see some pretty crazy stuff on TV, like how the staff and wardens look the other way when violence occurs in the prisons. We wonder if that stuff really happens, if inmates are dying and abused when the staff could really stop that from happening. It really makes you think it must be a very depraved world in prison. In this case, a man claims that a man died because he was denied meds he actually needed to live.
“I was in the circle with this guy who was a diabetic and the co’s denied him his medicine, saying he was a liar and he really didn’t have diabetes. He ended up dying the next day. Probably we’re looking for a violent story, but I just thought that shit was pretty crazy; they, later on, said they gave him his insulin, but he refused to take it.” (Thought Catalog)
6. You’re Treated Poorly
Surprise, surprise! That’s probably why we shouldn’t go to prison in the first place, right? Prison isn’t supposed to be a playground that we go to for kicks, right? But where do we draw the line?
“I had an ex and a good friend that were both locked up, different times but in the same state. They both pretty much reported the same stuff – a lot of illegal substances, had people offering them prescription pills immediately upon entry, a dearth of good books, and a****e guards. The ex didn’t get undergarments for the first week she was there for literally no reason other than someone forgot to give them to her at some point, and they didn’t want to admit to it. The friend is a strict (whole life) vegan, and they wouldn’t give her veggie meals (even though they’re supposed to). She ended up having to eat only bread and apples the entire time she was there, lost a ton of weight and still has digestive problems to this day. Mind you, both of these women were model prisoners (scared white girls from middle-class families that made straight A’s in school – both went in for drug/alcohol issues), and they still got treated horribly. I can only imagine what it must be like for the troublemakers.” (The Talko)
5. A Case of Mistaken Identity
This guy ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time; whether it was deliberate or not is hard to say.
“Riker’s Island (jail story) guards bring white inmate into housing unit and let us know that he’s charged with molesting a 6-year-old black kid. One black inmate tells the newly admitted inmate that the kid he molested is his nephew. Makes the terrified white inmate strip naked and tells him to run around the dorm. As he’s running around, the other inmates punch, kick, and trip him. He starts crying but still gets up every time he’s tripped and keeps running around. Eventually, he stays on the floor in the fetal position. Three inmates gather around and kick him until he’s inanimate, and blood is leaking from his head. After 10 minutes of this, the officers walk in, disperse the crowd, and the bleeding inmate is carried out on a stretcher. It turns out he was mistakenly placed in GP instead of ADSEG.” (Reddit)
4. A Murderer Gives Tips
When someone commits murder, they tend to know what it really looks like, and often, TV shows and movies get it wrong. In the case of one inmate, he watched a horror movie and claimed that the murder scene was not authentic. Talk about a creepy dude! The scene that’s described next would probably cause chills up anyone’s spine.
“A prisoner called in to a local radio show. He said they once let a group of them watch a movie. The movie was some horror movie. He said, when the killer snuck up behind some girl and slit her throat, the guy next to him said, ‘That’s not what it looks like.’” (Thought Catalog)
3. Too Pretty for Prison
Some people just don’t belong in prison, I guess. It’s a good thing this girl wasn’t hurt because of her looks.
“Most people told me I didn’t look like I belonged in jail. Gave me the ‘WTF did you do to land here?’ One of the male guards flirted with me about my tattoos. Mainly, I just keep to myself until I got out, though. Most of us would imagine felons to look like tattooed, crazed lunatics. We wouldn’t think prim-and- proper-looking ladies would end up in jail. This girl clearly looked out of place because she didn’t/doesn’t seem to look like any of the regular prison folk. As if it wasn’t enough that she looked out of place, this inmate also had to deal with a prison guard flirting with her, but at least it didn’t go beyond that. Based on her account, it seems like she was able to keep herself together and eventually get out of prison. Let’s hope that she stays out of trouble and never has to go there again.” (The Talko)
2. The Ones That Are Innocent
The use of DNA as evidence these days is huge, but there was a time when collecting DNA and analyzing it just wasn’t possible. There were cases where innocent people went to prison, and those are the most tragic cases of all.
“Most f*’d up thing I ever saw was a man who had spent 27 years in prison and was about to be released after DNA proved his innocence via the ‘actual innocence project’ was killed by some young kid that was 18 because the Aryans wanted him to be made an example of …Now a kid that was going to serve six months is serving life and a man who served life died due to injuries and age, all for some gang bull….” (Thought Catalog)
1. HIV Scare
Could you imagine having an inmate who had HIV try to infect all the guards around him? That’s a pretty scary situation to find yourself in if you happen to work as a prison guard. It’s a wonder that they allow prisoners to have anything, considering they can make arrows out of paper.
“Not me, but my cousin. He told me about some crazy shit he saw in prison. The story that sticks out in my mind was one about an HIV-positive prisoner who put his blood on arrows that were shot at the guards. The bow and arrows were made out of newspapers that were petrified with toilet water.”
It takes a sick person to want to infect others with HIV. Talk about a terrible person. If we’ve learned anything from these stories, it’s to stay the hell away from prison at all costs. (Thought Catalog)