They’re out there, hiding in women’s stalls, or portable toilets, or standing behind you with a cell phone taking an upskirt pic. We call them creeps, and they’re a sinister yet sometimes hilarious segment of our society. Check out the perverts and jackals below and breathe a sigh of relief that they were caught one way or another.

1. This guy sniffed a male store employee’s ass 20 times as he stocked shelves.
The victim of the butt-sniffing said, “I had no idea what was going on. I thought it was all a bit strange. I was shocked and I couldn’t believe he was in the aisle for that long.” That’s because he was behind you most of the time. CCTV footage shows that the perpetrator knelt down nearly two dozen times to smell a complete stranger’s anus in 2009.

2. Chris Pagano AKA “Mr. Swiss Dick Cheese” taunts a Philadelphia women.
In 2014, Pagano terrorized the City of Brotherly Love by driving next to women and asking them if they’d like to see him put Swiss cheese on his penis. “He told me he liked to put Swiss cheese on his private area,” Priscilla, one victim, said. Before he was arrested, neighbors said he also liked to walk outside wearing only underwear.

3. Utah senior citizen skips around with bells hanging from his balls.
Kenneth Allen Beck is quite limber for his age. In May, witnesses saw him prance around with bells attached to his testicles “just to get a reaction.” Ten years prior, in 2006, Beck was arrested for ordering food at a restaurant with his penis out. It’s unclear whether he said, “Here’s your tip.”

4. Man gets naked in CVS, finds three dog beds, creates makeshift bed in bathroom, takes a nap.
Cops found 22-year-old Jeremiah Patterson lounging naked in the bathroom of a CVS store. He “intentionally removed his clothing exposing his genitals in a lewd and lascivious exhibition.” No one knows why he did it, other than the fact that he was really tired.

5. A 34-year-old Chipmunks fan gets naked in the front row during a screening of “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.”
Don’t worry, attendees were given their money back. Edward Brown was arrested after letting it all hang out at Chicago’s Classic Cinema, where the crowd was predominantly children.

6. Man is arrested after hiding under cars and touching women’s feet.
In 2016 alone, Jesse Johnson has been accused of staking out under his car at stores like TJ Maxx and touching women’s feet. “I just have this weird addiction and odd behavior,” he said. “I don’t know why.” We don’t either, Jesse.

7. Pseudo-transgender heterosexual man hides in Macy’s stall disguised as a woman and secretly films actual ladies.
Jason Pomare caught hours of pooping and peeing on his candid camera in 2013. He would dress as a cute Latina and infiltrate the stalls. As told by the police, one woman saw the red light coming from his camera and caught him.

8. Oakland taxi driver is arrested for stealing laptop.
This is only on this list because the photos are creepy. Joshua Kaufman saw that his apartment had been ransacked when he got home. He downloaded the Hidden app, which takes pictures from the laptop’s built-in iSight camera, to get a glimpse of the thief. The app caught a photo of 27-year-old Mathanna Aldebashi sleeping soundly on his couch.

9. A 63-year-old hipster going by the online handle “Techno Boy” is busted for child porn.
Once again, the photo is creepy enough. He was a Michigan man named Bruce Fonda. Hopefully this bad press is the last nail in the coffin for hipsterdom.

10. Guy dressed as a creepy clown chases kids with knife.
Imagine, for an instant, if you were a small child who came upon a knife-wielding clown in a mask. You would defecate in your Lee Pipes, as I’m sure these kids did. PTSD-sufferer Nathaniel Dunivin would wait at a Virginia bus stop and chase kids who were dropped off. The older kids knew it was a joke and no one was injured, but that doesn’t mean their souls weren’t scarred.

11. Louisiana man collects female pee from ladies’ room.
Apparent urine fetishist Kenneth Porche literally lined the inside of a toilet with cellophane wrap and disabled its flushing function. Police found him with two bags of piss with descriptions “old woman” and “young, high heels, should drink” written on them.

12. Uber driver “touches himself” next to female passenger.
“My god, I love your body. Your body is beautiful.” Those were the words caught on cell phone footage of the now-banned Jersey Shore Uberist Nayal Salem. He stopped the car, got in the back seat, locked the door, and began rubbing his genitals. He exited and said, “Have a good night. Call me, all right?” She never called him, but she did upload the video to YouTube where it racked an impressive number of views.

13. Man steals 1,500 pairs of girls’ shoes from high school and middle school lockers to “sniff them.”
Multiple Wisconsin schools were hit by 26-year-old Erik Heinrich. He used his master keys from his cable installation job to break in. That’s 775 girls.

14. Scat voyeur Luke Chrisco hides in porta-potty at yoga festival…in the poop…to watch women poop.
Boulder, CO, held the Hanuman Yoga Festival in 2011. They had an unsuspecting visitor who wasn’t there to stretch. Actually, he was there to watch what comes out of yogis after a nice Vinyasa session. A woman saw Chrisco in the dark wading in butt sludge, at which point he bust through the portable toilet and ran away covered in dung.

15. Chinese kid takes upskirt photos of girl on train, and she forces him to eat the SD card.
This year, in April, a creepster was publicly shamed in Nanjing. Like a hero, she yelled to other commuters what he was doing and made him literally eat his crime. Here’s video.


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