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15 Jokes That Might Take You A Second To Get –

You might not get these jokes right away, but when you do, you’ll have a pleasant chuckle to yourself. And if you don’t end up getting them, then I guess we apologize for your bad lack of humor (or brains, we don’t know which deficiency is in!)

“There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence, and as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.”

Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular

A group of engineers are on a boat and are out on a cigarette break. However, none of them have a lighter. One engineer gets a great idea, and throws a cigarette off the boat. Suddenly, the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

 

I was walking through the cemetery and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning..”. He said, “No. Taking a shit.”

 

A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said “well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?”.
The guy says “oh I went to yale”.
The employer: “oh great!! Well you’re hired, you start monday”
Guy: “Yay! I got a yob!”

I still remember when my mom used to tuck me in as a kid. Man she really wanted a daughter.

Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path when one nun says to the other, “I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun replies, “Must be the cobblestones.”

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said, “Thanks.”
I said, “Don’t mention it.”

A beautiful woman walks into a bar. The barkeep asks, “What’ll you have?” She replies, “I’d like a double entendre, please.” So he gives it to her..”

Dad – “Did you know that if you pour salt on a cat’s tail it will fall off?”.
Son – “Really?”.
Dad – “Yup. If you pour pepper on a cat’s tail it will fall off, too.”

When Great Britain was part of the Roman Empire, it was ruled by an Emperor.
When Great Britain became a Kingdom, it was ruled by a King.
Now, alas, it’s a Country.
(This works better when said aloud.)

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man in a trench coat walked over and flashed them! Two of the little old ladies immediately had a stroke, but the third one didn’t want to touch it.

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I wouldn’t pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

A man walks into a library. He asks the librarian “do you have any books on paranoia?” The librarian says “they’re behind you!”

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