15 Pieces Of Dating Advice That Have Been Wrong All Along
Okay, so you’re going out with this girl for the first time and you really want to impress her. You clean yourself up, get reservations to a great restaurant – you’ve gotten all the particulars out of the way. Now it’s all on you to make conversation and just be yourself.
…Except it can be hard to deny that sometimes guys are insecure creatures of habit. This is why online click-bait dating-related sites get the kind of traffic they do. Guys, and ladies, see titles that promise them the “10 best dating tips you’ve never heard of” or “how to make her moan in 8 crazy ways” and they click, falling right into the trap. These would be great resources – if the advice they had to dispense wasn’t usually horrible from start to finish. The Internet is a vast place filled with horrible advice, and you’ve probably fallen for it. Hell, some of these little wisdom-filled gems have been around before the dawn of the computer. Point blank? If you’ve heard any of these 15 tidbits of dating advice, never actually take them to heart.
15. Follow Your Heart
This one sounds good in theory, and should be taken seriously in small doses. When you follow your heart in a relationship, you generally are letting your emotions move you through your decisions. This means picking who your heart wants, going at a pace your heart wants. You get the picture.
The problem is that doing what your heart wants isn’t always what is best for you. It’s okay to get emotionally invested and have fun in a relationship, of course. But if you aren’t also using your head to make good and thought-out decisions, then you’re more likely to see your relationship crash and burn for it.
14. Make the First Move
Dating advice articles seem to think we’re still in the 1950s. You have to court your high school sweetheart for a year, have dates at the malt shoppe and only kiss when it’s dark and you’re in your dad’s car at Kissing Cove. It’s the 21stcentury – let go of your old school ideals for once.
You might feel that as a man, you have the duty to go in for the kill every time, but some women like it when you let them make the first move. Some of you men might even like that more, too. Just go with what feels natural for both of you. There’s no rule that says you have to do otherwise.
13. You Need to Date a Lot to Be Successful
It’s true that you get better at dating with experience, but who says you have to rack up notches in your belt in order to be good at it? Many men think that dating around a lot is the best way to have fun dating and the experience they’ll gain will benefit them. The truth is that if you’re dating a lot, you probably aren’t learning any lessons.
12. It Looks Bad to Date a Lot of Women
Between this and the last bad piece of advice, consider this lesson to learn – dating isn’t a numbers game. Don’t think of dating in such a complicated way. If there’s a way to date too many women and too few women, what’s the exact number of women you need to date to be desirable?
The answer is that it’s up to you. If you do happen to date and enjoy the company of a lot of women over time, so be it. Hopefully you did learn something every time it came time to break it off. Just focus on make the next experience one that’s fun and successful. Then again, twelve women at once, while leading each on, and being honest with none of them about it, may make you look bad. This part should be common sense.
11. You Need to Try Hard
When you’re single, do your friends ever go into overdrive to try to find you a date? There’s this idea that if you aren’t constantly actively looking for a mate, you’ll never find one. In reality, sometimes the most perfect of matches can be found naturally and without trying hard at all.
Dating is about being open to others and opportunities. Don’t feel like you have to constantly be on the prowl in order to find a new girlfriend. This can sometimes have the opposite effect – looking too desperate can be a major turn off for a lot of women. Just play it cool and let things happen as they happen.
10. Calling/Texting Too Soon Looks Desperate
Everyone has fallen victim to this scenario and romantic comedies and sitcoms the world over have lampooned this dating idea. After your first date or when you first exchange contact info, there’s supposedly an unspoken rule that says you have to wait a while before contacting each other. The reason behind this limitation is you don’t want to look too desperate.
The truth is that you should really just call or text her whenever you want to. If it’s when you wake up the next day, great! Honestly, this shows you care and that you’re interested a lot more than making her think you’ve forgotten about her for half a week.
9. Lower Your Standards
This is another one that should be taken seriously in moderation. Instead of focusing on finding the perfect girl, you should lower your standards…and just date anybody! Your friends and those online articles don’t actually mean they want you to actually consider your unrealistic expectations, consider why you have them and adjust accordingly. It’s really just code word for “date who I think you should date.”
Having standards also isn’t always a bad thing. Not wanting a girlfriend who’s been to prison or on drugs is a standard when you think about it. Everyone has standards in relationships – it’s just about finding realistic ones.
8. Don’t Be too Available
This advice is supposed to help you look like you aren’t waiting next to the phone for her call. When people tell you “don’t be too available,” what they’re really telling you is “make her wait.” When you make her wait, you look more elusive – which is a common theme of this bad advice list.
When you make a girl think you’re unavailable, she’s more likely to dump you and find someone else. If she texts and asks you to go out, just be honest. Tell her when you’re available and make plans. There’s no need to make things more complicated than they should be.
7. You Need to Put Yourself Out There
This is another big winner. As wrong as it is unhelpful, the whole “you aren’t getting out there” enough is both tired and annoying to hear. You know you’ve been single and looking for a date and all your friends have to tell you is “I don’t know man; I don’t think you’re putting yourself out there enough.”
Hell, you’ve probably said this to someone too. The question lies in what exactly counts as “putting yourself out there” and why that’s necessary. Is signing up for five dating sites enough? And doesn’t that just make you look desperate? The answer is yes. Let encounters happen naturally, look for opportunities and don’t try too hard. It’ll show.
6. She’s Out of Your League
Ever heard one of your friends tell you that one before? You see a smoking hot woman and your buddy sees you looking. That’s his first response to your interest and it’s something you nod at, returning to your drink to sigh alone.
Maybe it wasn’t that dramatic, but that doesn’t change the fact this advice is simple BS. When you don’t try and put women above you on a pedestal, you’ll never find a girlfriend. Next time you see a hot woman, try to introduce yourself and flirt a little. You’ll be amazed at how far you get. Nothing in life is achieved without a little effort.
5. Women Love Mind Games
For some reason there are pockets of men out there that think women are just gluttons for punishment that will be more willing to accept a relationship or sex if there’s manipulation involved. That sounds extreme, but it’s the only way to explain this kind of logic.
Dating advice exists that tells men that women are attracted to men who are elusive and interesting, which is false in and of itself. This becomes more extreme when you factor in strange manipulation tactics like faking interest, lying and leading her on. In case you didn’t know, this won’t get you any women. If it does in fact happen to land you a date, you should probably be questioning her mental state.
4. Cheating’s Fine if You Aren’t Serious
You’ve only been seeing this girl for a couple weeks and you never said you WEREN’T monogamous…seeing another girl wouldn’t hurt her since it’s only been a little while since you started dating. Right?
Wrong. Just because the relationship is new doesn’t mean you can lie or keep the truth from a girl you just started seeing. This can be devastating to her and make you look like a jerk, which is something you don’t need on your dating record. If you want to play the field, be honest with her. The fact you feel like you need to hide something shows you’re feeling guilty about it, anyway.
3. Women Always Go for the Bad Boy
For some reason, men assume that women want a man in a ripped leather jacket with a cigarette behind his ear and maybe a rap sheet as long as their legs are. This is yet another example of how men literally don’t understand what a woman wants.
Maybe this is a disconnect between fantasy and reality. Ladies may fantasize about spending the night with a motorcycle-riding rebel, but that’s not who actually winds up with them between the sheets. This trope has been overplayed in recent years, so don’t fall for it. Instead, just be yourself. A woman is more likely to date someone who’s not about to be arrested than the opposite scenario.
2. Women Like a Man Who’s Downright Mean
The aforementioned piece of bad dating advice sometimes stops at the stereotypical image of a Greaser or gang-banger. Sometimes, however, the advice gets a little more real. Some sites and other men will tell you that women like to be verbally roughed up once in a while.
When you’re in the bedroom and she’s asking you to call her dirty words and adjectives, that’s one thing – but being verbally abusive to a woman in any other context is never okay. Don’t let some article online tell you otherwise. Women are more likely to date you when you’re being a gentleman, not a monster.
1. Play Hard to Get
Playing “hard to get” is perhaps the most dated of all of these examples – which is probably why it’s considered the worst. When you play hard to get, you make yourself unavailable to a girl, keeping just out of her reach. This little gimmick is supposed to make you more mysterious and unattainable; two traits men assume women look for in mates. Too bad it’s utterly false.
Some women will fall for this ploy, but most women know that guys that play this little trick are a dime a dozen. If you’re interested, just say so. You’ll never make a connection if you keep being so elusive.