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In 21st century America, douches are everywhere. A few of these are hardly original, however, simply because they are too accurate to leave out. If you have other examples we missed, please don’t hesitate to sound off in the comments. We are always curious to hear about new forms of douchery rearing their ugly heads.

You’ve said “Come at me, bro” before

Living, Signs You're A Douchebag
Saying “Come at me, bro” means you are at least a quarter douche. Popularized by Ronnie from the “Jersey Shore,” this phrase is typically used to impress women and appear hard. (Flexing nuts is the holiest currency of the douchebag.)

You call people “boss”

Living, Signs You're A Douche
I was waiting in line at Chipotle the other day and the burrito artist behind the counter called everyone boss. When it was my turn he said, “What can I get you, boss?” I stared at him for five seconds, spit in the fajitas, stole a Tabasco and left. I’m not the boss of anyone.

You wear a flat-billed hat

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
The flatbill is popular among wannabe gangsters who live with their moms and listen to nu metal and hyphy. I’m not sure when it became fashionable, but I think it has something to do with the decline of Western civilization. Fred Durst is a big fan of the flatbill, and it is firmly believed that he started this asinine trend.

You flip off the camera

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
We get it. You live with reckless abandon and you don’t give a care. Super hardcore.

You tell people you’re going to be a millionaire by 30

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
Telling people you’re going to be a millionaire usually stems from the fact that you’ve never actually been challenged in life. It’s also a law of nature that those who wear tribal tats and adorn their rooms with “Entourage” posters don’t make a lot of money. It’s unearned confidence that will surely be shattered when you begin working at your father’s firm under the title of “Assistant Receptionist Trainee.”

Bluetooth

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
Compounded by the fact that you talk loudly on it while boarding a plane.

You watch MMA and feel very hard after

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
I’ve been to bars to watch MMA fights. After the event, there are usually gaggles of dudes in Tapout shirts visibly puffing out their chests and walking tall like they’re the ones that just beat the shit out of someone. You’re not Chael Sonnen. You’re just an asshole.

You wear a crucifix for no reason

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
It’s a staple of the bro to wear a crucifix to give off some semblance of spirituality. Especially since he knows in reality there is an extreme void of it. There is nothing Christlike about bringing home a clap-riddled bimbo and telling her condoms aren’t your thing because they “feel weird.”

You leave out Magnum condoms “by accident”

Funny, Signs You're A Douchebag
“Oh, my bad girl. I forgot to leave those in my wallet. Regular condoms don’t fit me because I inject whey protein straight into my penis vein.”

You order bourbon

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
First off, there is nothing bad about liking bourbon. The issue is ordering one and taking a sip and pretending you like it. A douchebag will always cringe like he just sucked a lemon and say, “God that’s good.” You’re not Ray Liotta. Order a Natty and be yourself.

You wear this shirt

Funny. Signs You're A Douche
Your shirt may also say “Haters Make Me Famous” or “Believe The Hype.”

Facebook hashtags

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
#Swag #YOLO #Kony2012.

You rock blonde cornrows

Funny, SIgns You're A Douche


“Orange is the New Black” is gaining popularity, and we should all be worried.

Sometime in the mid 2000’s white girls started doing this for some reason that escapes me. You look ridiculous. No offense to the Cornrow Community, this is merely a personal opinion. Oh and Riff Raff. Nuff said.

You send dick pics to girls you just met on Tinder

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
Let’s be clear: There is nothing is wrong with sending a dick pic. I believe it is a primal urge every guy has. Something that has to do with presenting value. Lord knows the cloud is full of my very own.

However, if you’re desperate enough to send a dick pic to someone you haven’t met in person – taking 20 minutes to perfect the cinematography in the process – you’re likely an Affiction-wearing gym-grunting bag of douche.

You still say, “I’m Rick James, bitch!”

Funny, Signs You're A Douche
Other favorites of the douche:

“Is this the real Caesar’s Palace?”

“Milk was a bad choice.”

“I get older and they stay the same age.”

You also do bad impressions of Christopher Walken but likewise will never stop.

Source

15 RED FLAGS THAT YOU MIGHT BE A DOUCHE

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