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15 Sensations You’ll Only Experience If You Have A Penis

1. When you wade into a cold pool and the water hits your bathing suit and attacks your balls.

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2. Doing the “slap dance.”

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3. The pure satisfaction of employing a perfect pinch-and-roll on a ball itch.

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4. The accomplishment of unsticking a ball from your leg without reaching down your pants.

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5. That strangely uncomfortable feeling when your penis is hanging on the “wrong side.”

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6. The horror of the moment when your penis grazes the inside of the toilet.

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7. Getting a random boner and having no idea why.

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8. Accidentally tapping your balls and thinking, “Oh, I’m fine,” before the pain hits.

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9. Going on a roller coaster and having your balls experience microgravity.

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10. Always — ALWAYS — getting a drop or two of urine in your pants, no matter how much you shake.

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11. Lying around naked and noticing that your balls are moving on their own.

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12. Getting a good “pee shiver” while you’re at the urinal.

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13. Finding a random, long hair under your balls and pulling it out.

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14. Standing at a urinal and feeling pressured when someone shows up and finishes before you.

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15. And, of course, accidentally zipping your frank and beans.

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