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The worst day of your life is when you realize that you’ll never have what it takes to be a member of the Magic Mike crew.

1. While you did manage to start Hip-Hop Abs, you never made it past day three.

2. You enjoy eating more than just a few grapes and nuts during the course of a day.

3. The only people that would buy you in a cop’s uniform are the employees at Dunkin’ Donuts.

4. You’ve never been given a cool nickname. You can’t hang with guys named Magic Mike, Tarzan and Big Dick Richie if you just go by Pete.

5. The Robot is a crucial part of your best dance routine and you still haven’t quite mastered it.

6. Sofia Vergara is way too much woman for you.

7. If your butt got slapped it would keep jiggling for a disturbing amount of time.

 

8. You’ve never walked into a convenience store and decided to do an impromptu dance performance that included sexually assaulting a Pepsi cooler.

9. You go swimming with your shirt on.

10. The last time you went to the gym was so long ago, that Channing Tatum was still an actual stripper.

 

11. You’re not a very good improviser so it’s unlikely that you’d be able to come up the witty sexual puns that are necessary.

12. You’ve never looked good in a hat.

13. Taking your clothes off in front of even one woman gets you flustered.

 

14. Despite many attempts, you’ve never been able to casually tear your shirt off.

15. At least once in your life you’ve looked at a sock while doing laundry and wondered how impressive it could make you look.

16. You saw Magic Mike. The guys of Magic Mike would be way too busy living the dream to see a movie.

You’ll never slay these dance moves quite like Channing….

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