17 Hookup Horror Stories That Give Sex A Bad Name


“This one time, a guy left skid marks all over my sheets. Skid marks.

“Once after a tough breakup, I went home with a guy I had met at a concert. He seemed cool enough at first, and though he said he forgot his apartment keys someone buzzed us up anyway so I figured it was normal. After we started hooking up, someone knocked on the door super loudly. He just gave me a weird laugh and said, ‘Yeah, we have to go, I don’t actually live here.’ Quickest I’ve ever gotten dressed, and needless to say I never spoke to him again!”


“A guy pissed himself while we were asleep in his bed. He woke up, realized what he did, and got out of bed to sleep on the floor, leaving me there to sleep in his pee. Good times.”

“When we were done he said, ‘Wow, I feel like we should commemorate this somehow! Can I cut you?’ I put on my clothes real fast after that.”

“I was having sex when all of a sudden there was blood everywhere. I was really confused because I was on the shot for birth control and don’t get my period. There was so much, I was literally dripping blood and I went to take a shower. When I came back, I found out that whatever it is that holds the foreskin to the tip had torn and he was still bleeding. He bled INSIDE of me. If that wasn’t bad enough, he later told his grandmother, who cleaned it up, bandaged it, and kissed it better.”

“He told me to get out while he called his ex-girlfriend because he missed her.”

“I freaking fell down a flight of stairs naked in his condo. I’ve also peed in someone’s bed. I’m the worst hookup, clearly.”

“I was dating this kid for about a week. The time comes where we begin to get hot and heavy. He’s on top, and he’s breathing incredibly heavy. I asked him if he needed a break and he said, ‘I feel like I just ran a marathon.’ I said, ‘Ummm OK, take a breather.’ So then he begins fingering me (in a rather unpleasant manner) until I ended up just faking it. He then proceeds to grab his arm and wail, ‘I FEEL LIKE I JUST BENCH-PRESSED A MIDGET.’ Wish I was joking. Who says that?! TO A NAKED GIRL?!”

“The first time we hooked up, it was impromptu. My dog was in the room and he was looking me in the eye the whole time. I felt guilty so I put my head down. Next thing I hear is ‘squeak squeak squeak.’ I look up and my dog is front of me just playing with his chew toy giving me judgy eyes.

“I hooked up with this guy in high school (on Valentine’s Day) who ended up giving me mono and the flu, which turned into mono and pneumonia. I missed 12 days of school and after 10 you automatically fail all your classes. I almost had to repeat my junior year because of a guy who never talked to me again. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!”

“He started crying two minutes into sex and immediately called his mom begging for forgiveness. Full-on sobbing! His mom then asked to speak to me.”

“When I was in high school, I was giving my ex a blow job while he was playing video games. His mom then walked into his room to ask him about something and she could clearly see my head in his lap but my hair was covering my face and his manhood. I had to just stay there while she talked to him for at least five minutes; she must have just thought that I was laying on his lap… mortifying.”

“My friends and I now call him the blender. Instead of going in and out, he just went in a circular motion inside of me. When he finished he told me that he wasn’t going to keep the condom. When I asked what he meant he said that ‘most girls’ asked him to bring the used condom with him. I was so weirded out. I showed him where the trash was and then made him leave.”

“We were right in the middle of it when he looked me in the eyes and said, in all seriousness, that I was going to make his banana cry.

“He came in my eye and then left via the window.”

“A dude and I were alone in a living/learning library on campus all night working on separate projects, sort of being each other’s ‘you can do it, stay awake’ buddy — but by about 2 a.m. the flirtation was less subtle and it was obvious that he was trying to make some moves. He ended up dry humping me, fully clothed, on the floor (carpet over a concrete slab) for about an hour. For the next week my tailbone was so badly bruised that it hurt to sit/lay down. Weeks later while I was on spring break, he called me to ask me ‘how often’ I had been orgasming.”

“We started having sex and I guess I didn’t realize he was so big that he ripped me, and then he went down on me. Neither of us noticed that I was bleeding until he came up to give me a kiss and I saw his face was covered in my blood. At first I thought I was having my period off-schedule, but I soon realized what had happened.”

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