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18 Big Budget Hollywood Flicks That Are Basically Just Porn

When it comes to making a film memorable, you only need a few things; some cool action scenes, a gripping story, a dramatic showdown and a sex scene with some nudity – preferably female. But sometimes, the balance between everything gets skewed and you get one element more than the other. In the case of these films, the focus shift away from the plot, and they became a little more sex oriented. So much so, that the average moviegoer might mistake these for very high budget porn films.

Not that we’d make that mistake, because… well, just because we’re thorough researchers.

Antichrist


If you’re looking for a film that demonstrates both unsimulated sex, grief and severe sadomasochistic genital trauma, this this is your movie. Director Lars Von Trier has admitted that the sex in the movie is real, albeit done with porn star stand ins and clever editing. But based on the insane shit that happens in the movie, the real intercourse and boobies you get to see just isn’t worth it.

Caligula


This erotic historical drama about the rise and fall of the Roman Emperor Caligula, was produced by Penthouse founder Gob Guccione and starred an amazingly sexy Helen Mirren in a starring role. It also featured several Penthouse Pets as extras in the unsimulated sex orgies, that apparently were a thing in ancient Rome.

If historically inaccurate porn is what you’re looking for, this has the best production values that 1979 Hollywood can offer.

Nymphomaniac


In keeping with the Lars Von Trier theme, this film compares and contrasts a reclusive’s love of fly fishing, with the exploits of a nymphomaniac.

This film is notorious for two reasons; the first is that the uncut version runs for 5+ hours and people actually bought tickets to watch it in it’s entirety in theatres. The second notorious feature is that it had major actors simulating sex, but then digitally composited porn star genitalia actually having the sex.

Blue is the Warmest Colour


This French coming-of-age erotic romance film, is essentially subtitled French lesbian porn. Mind you, the story is far better than your average PornHub video. In it, the sex is explicit and raw, yet fake genitalia was used. Regardless, it’s still pretty steamy.

9 1/2 weeks

This 1986 erotic thriller starring Kim Basinger and a pre-bad plastic surgery Mickey Rourke, was deemed too explicit for American audiences when it first came out. There’s a lot of sadomasochism, masturbation and intense sex, that it pretty much checks off all the top boxes of any porn connoisseur.

Basic Instinct


We all know why this film is on the list, with that famous interrogation scene. Man, I nearly tore the Blockbuster VHS’s tape in half from rewinding and pausing that scene over and over again during the course of a weekend. This film was nice and dirty, and that how we liked it.

Showgirls


Most will consider this to be a box office bomb and/or the worst film ever made. I consider it the time I got to see Jessie Spano’s boobs. Sure, there was a lot more nudity and sex than mainstream audiences expected, and the acting was sub par, so it was easily confused as porn. But it wasn’t; it was a legitimate Hollywood movie.

Say that with a straight face.

The Dreamers


While Last Tango in Paris is the smutty film that Bernardo Bertolucci is best known for, he’s also got this one under his belt. Filled with Eva Green’s full frontal nudity, it’s the story of two French twins (male and female) and their American exchange student lover.

It’s actually surprisingly poignant and beautiful and incredibly erotic.

Secretary


This erotic romance film hits one of the most common themes for your porn selection; the submissive secretary. It might not be the most explicit on the list, but it’s still definitely soft-core with some full frontal, spanking and masturbation.

Eyes Wide Shut


This erotic thriller is notable for pairing a real life couple as the main characters, as well as that whole secret society orgy with the Venetian masks thing.

If you’re into creepy sex, then this will definitely titillate you. Titillated some people enough that they up and killed Kubrik.  Blue balls will do that to you.

Last Tango in Paris


This film was incredibly censored when it came out in 1972 and was even given the X rating. Can’t say I blame them, especially with the way Marlon Brando uses butter.

Lie With Me


This Canadian film is surprisingly dirty, with it’s unsimulated sex scenes and full frontal nudity. Pretty risque for the most polite country on earth, eh?

Y Tu Mamá También


This film plays into the younger men/older women genre, mixed in with a road trip movie. It ends up being more melodramatic than your average porn, but there’s still a lot of sex going on.

The Brown Bunny


This is probably the most notorious example of unsimulated oral sex in the history of film. That’s pretty all that’s notable about this film.

Love


Not only are all the sex scenes in the film unsimulated, they’re in 3D. That’s a lot of genitals, boobs and bodily fluids coming your way.

Shame


In this beautifully shot film, there’s a heck of a lot of sex going on. Given that our lead character’s got a sex addiction, that makes sense.

Whole lotta boobies on display, as well as Michael Fassbender’s little bender.

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