Fail Money Pics



Vinyl Records


While there are some unique albums that are worth a pretty penny, most of your dad’s collection isn’t worth shit. Current vinyl aficionados are either buying re-issues and contemporary releases, while the true collectors are seeking original pressings that are a combination of rare, climate-controlled, dust-free and rarely played.

Otherwise, your collection’s worth pennies.



There are many variables to proper stamp collecting, that help determine value. Regretfully, stamps that you’ve ripped off an envelope within the past 70 years, isn’t worth a hell of a lot. It’s more of a novelty, than anything else.

Even if you got your hands on super old and rare stamps, there’s not much of a market for them anyways; old collectors are dying off.

Wheat Pennies


Every once in a while, a rumour leaks out that there’s a super rare coin, a mis-press or something like that, that gets coin-collectors frantic to get their hands on it. Odds are, it won’t end up in your hands.

More realistically, however, is that you’ll find a wheat penny – one of the most collected coins in the world. If you’ve got a few of these, you’ll find that they’re worth more than their face value; generally 1-4 cents more, or even a buck. But you’d need a huge volume of pennies to make it worth your while.

Beanie Babies


I remember the rage around collecting this poorly stitched stuffies. Starting back in 1993, these were must haves and were rare enough to make them worth collecting. If they weren’t played with and still had tags, someone would pay a tidy sum to take it off your hands. But sadly, the market was saturated, so now, they’re barely worth anything. Unless you’ve got a super rare one, you might as well use your sister’s collection as packing stuff for fragile items.

Happy Meal Toys


Happy Meal Toys have been around since the 70’s and while some are rare and coveted, most aren’t worth the effort. Plus, it’s the same as any collectible – mind condition, in packaging, etc..

How many of these toys actually never got played with with greasy fry fingers at the table? Exactly.

Brown Antique Furniture


This is the general term for those old pieces made of sturdy brown wood, that were once all the rage. Sure, if it’s museum quality work, of historical importance, then it’ll be worth a shit-ton of cash.

But anything from the 20th century probably won’t be worth your time, as no one wants to buy these anymore. They’ll just sit and rot in the basements of antique shops.

Comic Books


Unless you’ve got a super-rare, mint-condition, sealed edition of Superman hiding somewhere, this isn’t where the money is. As it stands, Boomers are out there trying to sell all their childhood comics and the market is saturated. No one is willing to buy these anymore, at the prices that they used to.

Model Trains


We’re tempted to think that the older the model train, the more valuable it’s gotta be. But while some of them are worth a lot to collectors, the monetary value of it isn’t that much.

Plus, you’d need the original boxes, pieces and they’d need to be pristine in order to command some decent cash.

Antique Serving Platters


You’ve probably got an old grandma who tells you that they’re gonna leave their original serving platters to you, and they’re a worthy inheritance. Except, they’re not.

Original patterns are being revived and reproduced, and the people that can truly tell the difference are few and far in-between. Odds are, it’s worthless and priceless at the same time.

Children’s Books


To certain collectors, under certain circumstances, old children’s books can be quite valuable. For example, a particular edition of “Green Eggs and Ham” from 1960 went for $4K, last year. But that was the rarest of rare cases.

Most vintage children’s books carry the marks of the kids that loved them – folded pages, crayon marks, scuffs, etc… That’s how it should be.

Norman Rockwell Plates


Or any collector plate, really. I never did understand why someone would spend money on plates they couldn’t eat off of, but I guess that’s showbiz or something.

Considering you can buy entire sets for less than $50, that are authentic and mint, the only thing these are goo for, would be skeet shooting and target practice.

Cabbage Patch Kids


Back in the 80’s, mom would get into fist fights over these chubby grandpa-looking dolls. But much like anything for kids from that era, unless it went unloved and unopened, it’s not worth anything significant.

Hummel Figurines


I once knew a distant relative who had every flat surface of her home covered in those little bastards, and she’d dust them every day. Sadly for her, and every grandma out there, they’re not worth anything anymore. Most of the intense collectors of the figurines have died off, so if you have them, you’re stuck with them.

Hot Wheels


If you happen to have one of the original cars from the 1960’s, you might be able to sell it for a steak dinner, but that it. Most cars have been mass-produced, played with and are dented, chipped and beaten to shit.

Just the way these toys should be. But that also means there’s no money in them.

Barbie Dolls


With these dolls, there’s always going to be certain editions that will demand top dollar from collectors. As for regular dolls, however, they’re not gonna sell for enough to pay for anything resembling a fair price.

Autographed Sports Memorabilia


There’s still a market for this, and some might actually command enough money to afford a car or a new house. But there are also forgeries, mass-reproduced replicas and other shady deals, that muddy the waters. Unless you saw the signature yourself, have witnesses to it, and you let it appreciate, it’s not really worth it.

Trading Cards


Unless this is still the 80’s and 90’s, no one cares about your baseball/hockey card collection. Back then, you could trade or sell your completed binders, but today, no one collects these seriously anymore, and no one will pay money for them either.

Salt and Pepper Shaker Sets


Apparently, this is a thing and there are more than a few museums around the world that showcase the multitudes of S&P sets that people have accumulated. While it might be a cute novelty, or major obsession, it’s definitely not a viable retirement plan.

Plus, this museum photo is an as-salt to my sense. Get it?

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