JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next

 

shutterstock_269956217

In a thread on AskReddit someone asked the question “Redditors in relationships, what’s the strangest thing you do with your significant other that you wouldn’t tell your friends?” and from there all hell broke loose. Anonymous ‘Redditors’ (a word just added to the Oxford English Dictionary) came forth in droves to share the weirdest things that they do with their significant others behind closed doors, and HOLY SH*T are some of you weird.

Spending nearly all day every day on the deepest and darkest holes of the Internet finding content for you guys I typically read about some f*cked up stuff on a daily basis, so it’s actually quite rare that I read something and it makes me wince. Well, congratulations anonymous Redditors, you’ve managed to skull f*ck my comfort zone with your weird couple/sex habits. Here are some of the weirdest, most bizarre things that couples do together in secret, the things they wouldn’t tell their closest friends they do together but are completely comfortable sharing with the millions and millions of people who read Reddit. Some of this might freak you out, but you might find yourself (or your significant other, don’t forget to share this with them) wanting to try some new kinky stuff out after reading through these….

Hamstering (via arnooldpoomer)

My girlfriend pretends to be a hamster where the bed is her cage and my dick is her water spout.
She’ll do normal hamster stuff like create little nests in the pillows and snuggle or scurry around and burrow in corners. But when it’s time for water she swiggity swooties her booty to my spout and sucks it dry.


Brb, re-programming the Touch ID on my phone… (via VolleyVinyl)

Sometimes, when we hug, we lift our shirts up so that our stomachs are touching.
Just feeling outer sensitive skin against each other is really, really nice.
A lot of the time we do it as soon as someone leaves the room. One of us will say “tummies!” And we’ll quickly lift and embrace.
Sometimes he shivers. It’s nice.
Edit: also, we programmed the tip of his penis as a Touch ID on my phone.


Who the hell can’t burp?!? (via EarwaxPanties)

well..i have never been able to burp…ever..maybe when i was a newborn? But for some reason i just can’t burp…so when I have a stomach ache or a feeling I know is gas I do the “face down ass up” method. Where I lay on my stomach and arch my ass in the air and it helps relieve whatever gas I have..so my girlfriend caught wind of this and was like what is wrong with you. I explained it to her and now she does it. So periodically if you walk into my house you’ll see my girlfriend and I laying on the floor with our asses in the air, farting away.


I hope you shower first??? (via mrmrchoice)

Well, I lick her butthole.
EDIT: RIP my inbox… and her fart box?

This brave admission by /u/mrmrchoice was of course followed up by this one:
dingus_twart:

I thought this was extremely gross/weird, then I had my butthole licked. I stand corrected.


This one is actually pretty sweet (via leifashley27)

We talk horribly to each other. I mean horribly. But in a fun, cute, “I love you too kind of way.”
Her: “Thanks honey for cleaning the garage, I can’t wait to cut your dick off while you’re sleeping!”
Me: “I love you too you aids infected hooker.”
The best one was when I called her “the hole I put my dick in” instead of calling her by name to come see something.
We haven’t fought in about six years.


Like A Sir! (via tylerdurden801)

If her tits are out, sometimes I’ll walk over and put my eye on her nipple and pretend it’s a monocle and talk like the Monopoly man.


This Is Unnatural Behavior (via scannalach)

Sometimes we hold hands while pooping. One of us sits on the tub, the other on the toilet. That’s pretty weird.
Edit: I need to clarify that we do not poop in our tub. We alternate. Clarity is important, guys.


Fascinating? Really?!? (via Ab22H66)

She likes to hold my wang while I pee. It fascinates her.

One female Redditor shed some light on why this might be so fascinating for women:

Thrownawayactually:

I had a boyfriend I did this with. How often do women get to hold penis in a non sexual way? There’s your answer. It’s different. The first time I wanted to know if I could feel a vibration or maybe a rumbling or something in the member.


You Need To Find A New Hobby (via classypterodactyl)

We have lick fights.
NO, NOT THE BUTTHOLE.
It starts with some cuddling, then I lick his cheek. He licks my forehead. It eventually becomes full-on wrestling with us trying desperately to get the other covered in slobber (no spitting allowed, that’s just rude). I’ve gotten bruises from lick-fights, and we keep a tally. I’m winning.


Lol, baby carrots (via Callmebobbyorbooby)

After we have sex and I’ve shrank back down, she likes to grab my penis with her thumb and forefinger and examine my dick while telling me “aw it looks like a baby carrot”. She knows how to make a guy feel special.
Edit: my highest voted comment ever and it’s about my limp penis. Thanks, Reddit.


I Don’t Want To Live On This Planet Anymore (via Paraduct)

One time when my girlfriend was on her period, she got really horny that night. So I proceed to eat her out, discovered I had a new fetish that night. Now everytime we watch vampire diaries, I get an erection.


True Love (via Kit5une)

We have sex on her period (raw). not sure if weird but just doesn’t bother me at all.
She likes to hold my penis like all the time. we will be sitting down watching TV or something or just lying down somewhere or something, and she will just slip her hand in my jeans and hold onto my penis. not like a handjob or anything, she just likes to hold it. It kinda gets like semi hard and stays in that semi-hard state.
Also when we are sleeping she willl make my put my hand on her vulva. just like sit there on top of her mound, under her underwear. if I roll off during the night and she wakes up she will make move my hand back there. she does this EVERY NIGHT.


Do You Even Hygiene? (via yafiggadealme)

I would tell our friends this but I have been told I am not allowed.
A day after some hotel sex she said, “I feel like there is something stuck way up in my vagina.” After a weird conversation about what could be happening we realized we didn’t know where the condom was from the night before. I spent a good 10 minutes fishing around in that thing, reaching into the depths of her lady parts trying to pull that thing out.
It was very exciting when I finally snagged it. Also very terrifying week or so thinking she could be pregnant.


This Isn’t A Relationship (via Mikeydlove)

Instead of making out, we vigorously shake hands.


Drugs (via AdmiralMcSlayer)

When we trip on acid, she likes to have her toes sucked. But during normal, sane sober person times, she is DISGUSTED by feet. Grossed out by em.


Last, But Not Least! (via tightnshiny)

All kinds of kinky fetish stuff. A few nights ago we fucked in a huge, clear PVC bag with an inside zip. Really sweaty and lots of fun. To my surprise she really enjoyed it too.
Edit to all the people telling me how dangerous this is: No shit. Sometimes enjoyable things aren’t completely safe and require precautions. Live a little, or die trying. Damn that sounded a lot less like a white trash bumper sticker in my head.

I want so badly not to judge some of these people for the things I just read, but it’s just too hard, I can’t help myself from passing judgment on some of your weird ass habits. I’m not saying all (or most) of this stuff is terrible, I’m just saying that much of it doesn’t sit right with my sheltered views on things like ‘not farting until you burst an o-ring in front of your spouse’, and other things of that nature. To read the entire thread, and the hundreds of comments I didn’t include in this post, you can CLICK HERE to read them all on Reddit.

18 Couples On Reddit Share Their Weirdest Sex Habits And Holy Sh*t Are You People Weird

SOURCE

JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next
Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors