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18 People Reveal The Worst Sex They Ever Had Excluding Your Mom

Even if it is the worst, it doesn’t matter since you had sex!

I had a friend get puked on once.

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Another girl I knew lost her V-Card in front of a bunch of people at a party.

People shared their worst times on Reddit:

1. I had an asthma attack mid-way through sex with some random dude (I’m a woman). He was on top in missionary and I started gasping and trying to push him off me so I could get my inhaler. He starts saying “oh you like that?” and went harder. He thought I was cumming. I was not.

2. Self heating massage oils that read “for external use only” are not fucking around with that warning label. Minute one great sex. Minute two “hmmm that’s a little warm”. Minute three both of us curled up in a fetal position with ice packs on our junk.

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3. We were in my car after work near the woods. Half way through, someone bangs on the window yelling “What the fuck are you doing?”… It was her ex boyfriend

4. First girlfriend in high school that I had sex with. She was bisexual but I thought she might just be a lesbian. Most times she would literally just lay on her back and not move. She refused to touch my dick. 90%of the time I couldn’t even cum.
The first time I did cum, in a condom, she panicked and told her parents that she thought she was pregnant. Relationship didn’t last much longer.

5. One of the girls I dated in college was very sheltered and it sometimes led to some interesting situations. The first time we attempted sex, she tried to finger that area between my butt and my balls and managed to stab her index finger down onto my left testicle, and she had decently long fingernails. I nearly puked from the pain. Needless to say, I was completely done with anything sexual after all that, and we just watched TV the rest of the evening while I sat on the couch whimpering.

6. Had a woman give me a blowjob with poprocks. I initially thought it would be awesome. Had to have her stop because it felt like gravel rubbing against the head of my dick.

7. The classic pull back, thrust forward, and bend. Could not get back in the mood after that pain.

8. More just embarrassing than anything, but my girlfriend had been teasing me all day by touching me, but never going further than that. By the end of the day she’s all excited thinking it will be great sex with all of the build up, but I feel like I could burst just thinking about it. Came in like 30 seconds frownie[1]

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9. Lost my virginity with a neighbor when I was 14. I was ill prepared for the task at hand. She got pissed at me and berated me. Not sure what she was expected out of the skinny kid with braces living next door. Must have been my bitchin’ Ocean Pacific t-shirt and all white Reboks.

10. Time I lost my virginity for a few reasons.
My roommate was in the room watching Netflix, I barely knew the girl, her pussy tasted salty and sweaty, when my roommate finished watching Netflix and tried to sleep he yelled at us and told us to go to sleep after groaning for 30 minutes. And I didn’t even cum. 2/10

11. I lost my virginity to a girl who was 9.5 months pregnant. She was induced the next week. She had been a stripper when I met her through mutual friends. Kept hanging out with those friends and she was always around. One day our mutual friends made up an excuse to leave us alone. We were watching Squidbillies and she jumped me. My dick was numb the entire time. She got off in about 3 minutes and then it was over.

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12. Well I’ve posted something about this incident before, but here goes… A girl I had a serious crush on in high school made me come with her. We were at this big outside party, we were making out, heavy petting – drunk as shit, and I thought I was going to get it on. She proceeded to guide me to a small wood thicket. I was getting hard at this point thinking oh my god, OH MY GOD, outside sex… Then she sqatted down and took a shit.

13. Hot friend reached down to my crotch and grabbed my dick. WOOHOO, right?
We go into my room, and she refuses all foreplay involving my penis so I barely get past a chub. She tells me to finger her until she comes. Squirts all over my bed and me.
Tells all her friends I have a tiny penis.

14. Guy with huge, awesome, penis put it in me, never thrusted once, then pulled out immediately and came. Wouldn’t have been so terrible if he at least went down on me.

15.Was doing 69 and got pooped on… I saw it coming, so I was able to move a bit. It landed on my chest instead of my face.
Took her home and deleted/blocked her number. Fuck my life.

16. So Freshman year of college and I’m a virgin.
My first girlfriend in college was actually the cutest girl I’ve dated.
We start messing around and she wanted to move fast, which is fine by me, I’m wearing this v-card like a scarlet letter.
We start having sex and she’s like “ok, so you can’t make me cum, so just let me do my thing for a minute and get off, then I’ll do you, and we’ll both be happy.”
I’m thinking is sex supposed to be so formal? Whatever, lets do it.
1 minute in, she forces me to sit still as she gyrates on my dick, with this intent look on her face like she’s internally trying to fit the square peg to the square hole, and then she gets off.
Then, once finished, she clenches her vagina on my dick super hard, and brags how she used to get her boyfriends off so fast, so I’ll be done in like a minute.
I acted like I was.
This is how sex goes everytime. I literally thought sex was just so shitty.
One time I got drunk and was like “fuck it im gonna take her to pound town ?” and take control and we bang for like 30 minutes nonstop, and i feel like a freaking pornstar.
She doesn’t make a noise, and when i stop breathless, she asks with the most condescending and bored tone “Are you done yet?”
I meekly mutter “yes”, and she gets on top, does her voodoo rain dance on my dick for 30 seconds, gets off, and goes to bed.

 

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And this dude wins… THE WORST!

17. We decided on Mexican food (this story is not about shit). She had shrimp ceviche, I had some spicy cactus type shit. Twas good. We go back to her apartment and start watching Louie, get about 5 minutes into an episode and decide to just go for it. Here’s how it went.
She would not let me take the blanket off of the top of me, I had drank a little the night before so I was sweating BUCKETS on this girl. Like this shit was comical. Her shrimp ceviche breath was not the biggest turn on…though I’m sure I smelled wonderful, too.
It was pretty vanilla sex and I just wasn’t into it. After about 30 minutes of thrusting and sweating, I decided to just have her jerk me off. Well that sucked too, so I just said “lemme do it.”
So, I’m viciously beating off with this chick sitting next to me just watching. I finally get off and as if this experience couldn’t have been worse: I come…into my own. fucking. face.
I was done after that and made up some shitty excuse to go home after we smoked a cigarette in her room. There’s no telling what she told (if she told) her friends about it.

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