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18 People Share The Worst Things They Ever Blurted Out Without Thinking

 

On Tuesday, Redditors came together to share their best “I should NOT have said that” moments, because it’s oddly comforting to know you’re not the only one who ever said something so cringe-worthy it made you want to hole up in a cave for the rest of forever. While most people work hard to suppress the memory of saying something incredibly embarrassing or inappropriate, these people decided to share theirs over a public internet forum.

Things are going to get real awkward.

1. What AcetylLater said could have sent a pregnant woman into early labor.

I was in my OB-GYN clinical rotation. Had a very nervous and borderline overly worried first time expecting mother that I was taking care of. She was in for a routine pregnancy visit. I was performing the fetal heart monitor check with the doppler. Perfect heart sounds for a few seconds then the battery on the doppler machine ran out. I mutter “Dang it, it died”. The mother let out this shriek. “NO, NO, NO – the battery died”. Needless to say, lots of time spent with me sitting there with the ultrasound showing her the beating heart and taking pictures.

2. blewws will do anything for a puppy. Anything.

“Your puppy is adorable!” “Thanks. He’s learning to be a service dog. He’ll be working with my son who has neurological damage.” “I wish I had neurological damage!”

3. abeersoundsnice picked the worst word possible to describe coworkers.

I’m reluctant to even post this because it was really stupid and embarrassing.

While I was in college I managed a movie theater. One day during the winter, a female employee came to the managers’ office after her shift and told us that someone had put a cinder block behind her rear tire and poured water on it so it froze to the asphalt preventing her from backing out of her spot. A couple managers chipped it away for her and had a serious talk about starting to walk employees out to their cars after work in the future. I was on the pro walk them out side. I was trying to make the case that we have quite a few very petite, trusting female employees who might be people a rapist might choose as a potential victim. However, I’m not known for thinking before I speak and instead of saying that I said, “we have some rapeable employees here.” There was nothing but complete silence and stares from the other managers for about fifteen seconds until one of them said, “you should figure out a better way to word that.” It was one of my more embarrassing situations.

4. Jimmeh912 went to the dark side by saying this.

Cat is sitting in girlfriends lap.

Me: ‘Hey the cat looks like the monster that sits in Jabba the Huts lap.’

5. TheLastHaggis tried to make a joke. It was not funny.

Had a friend who taught two different girlfriends of his to drive. One crashed and got badly injured the other crashed and died.

Some years later, met him and his new girlfriend on a night out. He introduced me, I promptly told him “don’t teach this one how to drive eh, loooooooooool”.

The second I said it I regretted it. Felt like such a dick. Offered to take his best shot to the face for it. He declined. Still feel shitty for it.

6. DukeofJuke discovered the one time not to quote Remember the Titans.

I walked into the break room at work, and heard one middle-aged coworker talking to another. I wasn’t particularly listening, but I heard her say “left side.” This activated a part of my brain devoted to remembering Remember the Titans, a movie I had seen most of once at least five years prior.

So, like any good person would, I half-to-three-quarters-shouted, “LEFT SIDE! STRONG SIDE!”

The coworker looked at me for a full two seconds, then said to her companion, quieter now, “Yeah. He’s doing a little better, but that whole side is still paralyzed.”

Her husband had had a stroke. It turned out to have nothing to do with Remember the Titans.

7. wiseprocrastinator served a yo’ mama joke to their own mama.

Someone said to me when I was younger that I’d grow up to be just like my mother. My instant response was ‘what, fat?’. My mother was there. Oops.

Ironically, I now am much fatter as well.

8. todayonjeremykyle shows that you don’t have to blurt something out loud to seriously eff up.

I used to work for a small web agency in a tiny office. There was one loud account manager who just blathered on and said some outrageously stupid things (e.g. told a customer we couldn’t polish a turd, about work we’d done for them).

One day he’s droning on at volume 11 about some bullshit and it was echoing around the office whilst I was trying to work. I sent my friend a message on MSN saying “OH FFS WON’T YOU JUST SHUT UP YOU NOISY CUNT!”.

Obviously I’d sent it to the wrong person.

He looked over at me and mouthed “What the fuck!?”, I panicked and did the only thing I could think of and sent a smiley emoticon.

9. Oh God, ReverseGusty, no.

Black colleague: “have you seen the video of the baby monkey?”

Me: “no is it about you?”

What fucking possessed me

10. iwantmynickffs did exactly what your mom always told you not to do.

When I was a kid I went over to my friend’s place and we had dinner. I remember that the food was some tasty pasta dish with a slightly sour component, something that I hadn’t really experienced in savoury dishes before. So I was thinking really hard about where I had experienced a similar sourness with food in my mouth before and blurted out:

“It tastes like vomit”

To be honest I was too confused over why the mother replied that I should just not eat it if I didn’t like it to correct her. It was delicious after all.

I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE YOU THINK I DID!

11. iamlinkalot said something grosser than a hotdog tastes.

We were at a friends and having hotdogs, and one of our friends (who is a girl) was like “I wish there were more hotdogs, but we’ve run out” to which I replied “I’ve got a hotdog right here”

I can feel the cringe and disappointment in myself typing this

​12. Pokabou had a beast of a Freudian slip.

Meant to say beating a dead horse, said beating off a dead horse.

In class

13. MisterMortal said something racist, but it surprisingly ended up being okay.

Went to a pub, had one drink too much, went outside to smoke a cigarette and saw this asian looking guy. Alcohol got better of me and being friendly guy I am I decided to make a new friend and what’s the better way than making a joke?

“Wadup suzuki!”

I immediately felt like a biggest asshole in the world while the “should have not said that” meme flashed before my eyes in a violent fashion. But then the asian guy turns to me and says:

“Have we met before?”

“Well, I don’t think so…”

“Then how do you know my last name?”

The guy was named Suzuki! You can imagine my relief! We smoked one more cigarette together, had a pleasant chat and went on our ways.

Even though I dodged the bullet on this one I still feel like shit for blarping out such a racist thing…

14. djkeone still has not been forgiven for what they said.

I was at a concert with my girlfriend and bumped into a group of old friends i hadn’t seen in years. they all knew me when I was with my ex, who my current girlfriend was convinced I was still in love with.

when it came time to introduce her I said “I’d like you to meet _” and called her my ex’s name in front of this group. fruidian slip/brain fart/too high? awkward silence for a long moment, then says “no, actually my name is __, and I’m his new exgirlfriend as of now.” I’ve never been forgiven for the faux pas and still can’t figure out why I said that.

15. iamthejed almost certainly got an F from this teacher.

I think I may have posted about this one before.

Grade 8, last day of class. Heavy-set teacher who hated my family but liked me.

Teach: No one is leaving until the fat lady sings

me: You’re really going to sing?

16. kevie3drinks made a faux pas bigger than his wife’s new shirt.

Last year, i think it was in November, my wife came home from shopping with a shirt. She put it on and I said “Oh, is that your ugly christmas sweater?”

it wasn’t

17. steiner_math really spoke their mind. Even if their mind is kind of rude.

I was on a date with a girl and she said she was a vegetarian.

My response? “That’s stupid”

I have no idea why I said it and I regretted it immediately

18. wheresmattynow sounds sort of familiar. WAITAMINUTE—

This one time I had this guard dog that I raised from a pup. Anyway, one day my employer comes to me and says he has some kind of underground vault/cellar, IDK, and he asks me if he can borrow the dog because he’s got some valuable stuff down there. Me, I’m a pretty chill guy (people think I’m violent cos I’m quite big but really I’m a gentle giant) so I tell him, “of course”, but he says not to tell anyone cos he doesn’t want people knowing or getting curious and going to check out the cellar.

Anyway, a couple days later these kids somehow break into his cellar and Fluffy nearly tears their heads off. I know the kids and they ask me about it and I accidentally spill that I lent the dog to the guy (he’s a headmaster) to guard his underground chamber thingy.

I shouldn’t have said that, should not have said that.

MFW I did it again like five times with the same kids over the next three years.

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